Fiance getting harrassed and blackmailed by disabled father

[lkptjenna25]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY. My fiance was acting as caretaker to his father for the last 3 years. He is a disabled alcoholic and needs daily supervision and help with daily living tasks and med support. He is emotionally abusive to his son and has been for years. Now that we are engaged he is trying to blackmail his son into coming back and living with him full time by saying he is going to have him arrested for getting money out of an atm without his permission which is untrue. Can he in fact get arrested for this false accusation? He works for the city we live in and could lose his job if charges are actually filed.

 

[quincy]

He could, I suppose, but it seems highly unlikely.

If your fiancé handles financial matters for his dad, just make sure that he is keeping a good record of bank deposits and withdrawals, and keeping all receipts to show what his dad's money is being used for - in case the false accusations find their way to a police complaint.

Handing over the care of his dad to another party may not be such a bad idea, either.

Good luck.

 

[lkptjenna25]

Harrassing voicemails

He is keeping the harassing voicemails now. These would be a good source of proof that his father is fabricating the story, right? Unfortunately his father is given all the receipts to show the transactions made. He then spends the money himself. The only thing my fiance did was go to the atm for him on multiple occasions. Because he was given the pin number doesn't that prove authorization any ways?

 

[quincy]

Your fiancé should make copies of all of the receipts, including the ATM receipts. As his dad's caretaker, your fiancé should be able to account for all of the money withdrawn by him from his dad's bank account.

Being given someone's pin number can indicate that the pin owner has authorized use of the pin - but the use of the pin cannot exceed the limits of the authorization (ie. your fiancé cannot withdraw money from his dad's account to use for anything other than his dad's needs) - and having someone's pin number can also indicate that the pin number was taken and used without authorization.

If the voice messages are accusing your fiancé of "stealing" money from the dad's account, no, they would not be something that would prove fabrication. What proves fabrication is a clear and careful accounting of all of the funds withdrawn from the dad's account that have been used for the benefit of the dad.

Handing over the caretaking duties to another person may be a wise course of action for your fiancé.

 

[lkptjenna25]

Changing his number

It has been going on 4 days now and no action has been taken. My fiance is changing his telephone number and is having anxiety attacks each day (which he has been prone to for years already). I'm really becoming scared for his mental health. He is only 26 years old and has been the only person in a fairly large family who has been willing to help his father. Few others are even willing to speak to the man. I don't want to over burden with personal info, but flat out, the father should have been deemed incompetent years ago. He is a a danger to himself without daily supervision, and he just got his license back which scares me because due to his disabilities and trouble with alcohol and even the medications he has to take, i fear for the safety of others on the road. I'm not overly worried about the threats, because the voicemails my fiance has received are actually leaning more towards blackmail than accusations of theft. Neither party has actually kept records of atm transactions and in our small city his father has more legal tarnish on his name than my fiance who has no criminal history what so ever. I am at my wits end with the situation. How do we go about saving this man from himself? We do know that right now he has another alcoholic staying with him who really has stolen money and medication from him before. I don't have a personal fondness for my fiance's father, but I have never even tried to influence the situation in any other way than patting him on the back and telling him I will be here for him no matter what. Now, I just want the entire situation to come to some sort of peak so that we can get back to normal.

 

[quincy]

As for legal advice, lktpjenna25, there is not much more to give.

Unless or until the dad files a complaint against your fiancé, there is little to be done other than making sure your fiancé has adequate records on hand to support his innocence should it be necessary. It probably won't be necessary.

The remaining issues are ones best suited for a Dr. Phil. If a relationship is a toxic one, the sanest thing is to probably remove yourself from the relationship. Your fiancé's mental health is more important to him, and to you, than the physical and mental issues of his father. He should probably discuss with his siblings what should be done with the dad - a live-in caretaker if financially possible, perhaps - and then go on with his own life.

The dad made his own choices and it is time that the dad lives with them. There is no way you can save a person from himself short of institutionalization.

Good luck.