I am terrified

[dazdandconfuse]

What is the name of your state?
VA
I recently had a short-term relationship w a man who was working at a restaurant I frequent. One day he was fine, the next berserk. I continued going to the restaurant because I'd gone there for years before. He has now slandered me all over the place and sent messages telling me I was being banned from coming there, I would be laughed at were I to go there because they all know about our sex life, and just flat-out ordering me to stay away. I sent a letter to the owner thinking he would do something about this and have been shocked at what has occurred. He did nothing. This past weekend, while with my kids, the guy approached me in the parking lot and screamed about how he never wanted to see or speak to me again. I had said nothing to him. The truly upsetting thing is that the restaurant management staff are supporting this kids version of events even though I can prove he is lying. He harrassed me in front of other customers, on their property, on the clock. I cannot figure out why they are supporting him. It's a seasonal job, they've been around for years and could easily do without him, and I have spent a lot of money in their place and never once had a problem such as this. Two managers have dared me to bring charges against the restaurant. One told me not to come there and when I asked if I was being officially told to stay away, said no. I do not understand what is going on. It has cost a lot and only been a week since this drama began. Where I had always parked there, I have now been informed that I cannot park there on certain occasions. Again, I have been yelled at, threatened, publicly humiliated etc. and am seriously considering filing suit against the business for failing to handle a problem employee.

Furthermore, the guy has a photograph of me, bordering on the obscene I'm embarrassed to say, that I am terrified he will be showing to everyone in town. I am sick with worrying about this. I know the law to some extent and wouldn't be surprised if he took out a warrant against me first just out of spite. It isn't difficult in this state. He is lying. I am certain he is more than just a player, but mentally unstable. All of this makes me sick and I need help in determining what to do about it. I am literally afraid of all of them now but do not want to bring drama where it isn't necessary. I'm a private person and the public debacle I'm in at the moment is completely mortifying.

I hope this wasn't too long and thank you in advance to whoever may reply.

 

[stephenk]

so go to another place to eat. you refer him as a kid, how old is he and how old are you?

 

[dazdandconfuse]

interesting answer. completely unhelpful but interesting nonetheless. the fact is, i am not the one who has done anything wrong. another fact, it's terribly sad, not to mention despicable, that when a female meets with harrassment the first thing many men say to her is "change your......" let me ask you this. what about doing something to stand up for the principle of right vs horridly wrong? what about doing something to protect (possibly) the next person, probably younger than i am with a lot more to lose? and to answer your question, i am mid 30s with children, highly educated, successful career. he is upper 20s, physically anyway, and parking my car to earn a living. does that alone make him a loser? not at all. unfortunately, plenty of other factors do.

from a practical standpoint, what you're saying is completely within the realm of possibility. that does exactly nothing to make it right. it may make it easy, but easy isn't generally worth a darn when it comes to the more important things a person can stand for in a lifetime. hey, thanks for your input anyhow.

 

[stephenk]

so go ahead and sue the restaurant. the beef between you and their employee has nothing to do with the restaurant, but the fact you and he sexed around a bit. you will lose, but it's the principle, right?

you happened to have a fling with a guy who hasn't taken the breakup very well. He also works at a place you frequent, but not a place that you have to go to. The same advice would apply if you were a man and you had dated a waitress.

You let him take porno photos of you and keep the pictures? How drunk were you? the only legal recourse would be to hire an attorney to seek recovery of the photos and negatives. you could also file an injunction against him to prevent him from distributing the pictures.

Next time, use a little better judgment with the people you play with.

 

[cbg]

A suit against the restaurant will fail. Unless he is violating employment law, they have no legal obligation to "handle" him.

 

[dazdandconfuse]

the issue with the restaurant has nothing to do with the "sexing up." i'm pretty certain i made clear that it has to do with being harrassed on their property, in front of management, by an employee who was a known problem (admitted to by their general manager) and who was on the clock at the time of the harrassment. if not, my apologies. frankly, i don't want to file suit against them but am getting exactly no response from the place whatsoever to attempts to rectify the situation. considering i've dropped thousands of dollars there i find that a bit disturbing. so would you, i have exactly zero doubt.

as for the " porno pictures," there was ONE. and frankly, though he could say it was me he couldn't prove it because it didn't include my face! doesn't that send your condescending brain into orbit? consider me a drunken idiot. actually, i was sober at the time and under the misguided notion that i could trust the guy. don't know why. i plead utterly ignorant and stupid there.

regarding principle. yes one exists. and yes i believe it's a worthy one. i will assume that since you list your occupation as an attorney you are intelligent enough to grasp that concept, but simply choose to consider it unimportant. that said, we'll just have to agree to disagree.

i came here impulsively in a moment of panic. i'm a fairly intelligent woman and certainly don't need to be getting into verbal volleyball games with people i don't know. i hear what you're saying, am fully cognizant of it, and do not assume that in terms of a legal outcome you are wrong. however, i also don't think you are considering my point of view from the standpoint of trying to offer helpful advice. i can practically see the smirk on your face and i have no interest in continuing this baloney.

hopefully, if you have sisters, a wife, daughters, a mother (i think that one's a safe bet) they won't find themselves in a similar situation. oh, don't think they would stoop to such a low level? it happens to the best of us at times so if i were you, i wouldn't count on it.

take care.

 

[dazdandconfuse]

A suit against the restaurant will fail. Unless he is violating employment law, they have no legal obligation to "handle" him.

good point. i'm going to look into it from that angle in my state. seems to me that if an employee harrasses a customer, mgmt has previously admitted to this, and it's happening while employee is on the clock, they have a duty to ensure that aforementioned customer can safely frequent (if desired) their establishment. i am not an attorney and could well be wrong. i actually got into law school but went a different path instead. sometimes i regret that decision....not often though. i'd be the poorest atty on the planet as all i'd want to do would be to assist folks who have no voice because they darn well need and deserve it. pardon the sermon there.

 

[cbg]

I think you will find that an employer is not necessarily responsible for everything an employee does, even on the clock, unless he is doing it under the "umbrella" as it were, of his employment. If his behavior is under his identity as a private citizen, and not as a representative of his employer, it is unlikely they have any liability.

 

[panzertanker]

Forget the restaurant, file a TPO against him for the aggressive behavior he has shown towards you. Besides, you want to eat at a place that takes its valet over a customer???

Lost cause, TPO and move on and don't allow a camera in your bedroom anymore.