If it's true, it's not slander, right?

[angrygypsy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arizona

WARNING: This post contains a brief reference to a sex act but it is central to my question so if you are easily offended, don't read any further =)

A year ago, my husband went home with a woman he met in a bar. He admitted that she performed oral sex on him. He told me about a month after it happened and at that time he emailed her and informed her that I knew about it and not to contact him further. I did my own detective work and found out that she is a teacher at a k-8 school. She teaches life skills. I emailed her and let her know that I thought it was inappropriate for someone who would act like that to be teaching children morals and that I was aware of where she was employed but I said that as long as she did not have any contact with my husband, she would never hear from me again. Since then, there have been a few minor incidents, like asking his friends about him, or showing up where she knows he is. At first, I let it go but now I'm mad. My question is, would it be illegal to post flyers around the neighborhood she works in that said something to this effect:

________________________
If your children are being taught life skills at XXXXXX school by Ms XXXXX XXXXX, you should ask your principal why they are learning morals from a woman who knowingly sleeps with another woman's husband.
_________________________

If it's true, it's not slander, right?

I appreciate your input on the legality of this matter!

Thanks!

[Stevef]

Originally Posted by angrygypsy

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arizona

WARNING: This post contains a brief reference to a sex act but it is central to my question so if you are easily offended, don't read any further =)

A year ago, my husband went home with a woman he met in a bar. He admitted that she performed oral sex on him. He told me about a month after it happened and at that time he emailed her and informed her that I knew about it and not to contact him further. I did my own detective work and found out that she is a teacher at a k-8 school. She teaches life skills. I emailed her and let her know that I thought it was inappropriate for someone who would act like that to be teaching children morals and that I was aware of where she was employed but I said that as long as she did not have any contact with my husband, she would never hear from me again. Since then, there have been a few minor incidents, like asking his friends about him, or showing up where she knows he is. At first, I let it go but now I'm mad. My question is, would it be illegal to post flyers around the neighborhood she works in that said something to this effect:

________________________
If your children are being taught life skills at XXXXXX school by Ms XXXXX XXXXX, you should ask your principal why they are learning morals from a woman who knowingly sleeps with another woman's husband.
_________________________

If it's true, it's not slander, right?

I appreciate your input on the legality of this matter!

Thanks!

Truth is a defense to slander. The burden of proof will be on you to prove it is true. If you cannot prove it, you could end up in a world of hurt.

[IsabellaSoriano]

but she didn't sleep with him.

so that would be a lie.

and you husband was a participant. are you going to allow his behavior to slide? or will you be putting up posters of him at his workplace? let his employer know?

and seriously, putting posters like this around children, you kind find yourself in some hot water.

look, i get it. you are angry. i KNOW how you feel. but it won't help you. you need to channel your anger somewhere else.

[angrygypsy]

I totally get what you're saying. Especially about the kids seeing something like that. It just kills me that someone who acts like that thinks she can do so without any repercussions. What set me off was that I actually saw her for the first time the other day and her actions towards me were taunting and confrontational. I was really surprised because if I had been in her situation, I would have acted humble or at least have tried to fade into the background and draw the least amount of attention to myself. I guess I just wanted to make her realize that she can't keep targeting married men (which is her hobby, I've been told) or eventually she will pay the consequences. I wasn't going to put the flyers up but I was going to tell her that I would if she didn't back off

[IsabellaSoriano]

Originally Posted by angrygypsy

I totally get what you're saying. Especially about the kids seeing something like that. It just kills me that someone who acts like that thinks she can do so without any repercussions. What set me off was that I actually saw her for the first time the other day and her actions towards me were taunting and confrontational. I was really surprised because if I had been in her situation, I would have acted humble or at least have tried to fade into the background and draw the least amount of attention to myself. I guess I just wanted to make her realize that she can't keep targeting married men (which is her hobby, I've been told) or eventually she will pay the consequences. I wasn't going to put the flyers up but I was going to tell her that I would if she didn't back off

*snort*. yeah, women like that think they are entitled to something more than a cheap *cough*. trust me. i know.

your issue, is with your husband. not her. husband is the one that needs to put her in her place. not you. it won't work if YOU do it.

[quincy]

Minor correction: What is written (if false and defamatory) would be called "libel." Slander is its spoken equivalent.

It would not be defamatory to relate the truth to others - if you can prove the truth of what you say (your husband may have said he was unmarried) - but it COULD be an invasion of privacy to publicly reveal private facts about your husband and the teacher or to place the teacher in a false light. You could easily find yourself sued.

Your best bet, if you are angry (with reason, I might add) and upset that this woman is still attempting to have contact with your husband, is to have an attorney send this teacher a "nicely" worded cease-and-desist letter, advising her that if she does not stop all contact with, or if she does not stop seeking information about, your husband, a restraining order will be sought - and there may be attending publicity surrounding the court action to obtain such an order. This court action could jeopardize her job.

The letter is a legal way to get satisfaction and hopefully resolve the problem, without putting yourself at risk of legal action being taken against you.

And I would certainly not blame the teacher alone. Your husband is as much at fault. Counseling for you and your husband may be wise.

[Antigone*of*Greece]

Well, if you are going to subject her to this kind of exposure then you'll have to expose your husband to the same thing.

Are you going to put posters up around town that say "My husband has low morals and sleeps around with other women?" ( I thought of something much ronchier but I decided to keep it rated G

[angrygypsy]

Thank you all for listening to my rant, for talking me down and for the good advice. I want you to know that I DO NOT hold my husband blameless for this and I definitely did not let him slide. He has been paying for this for the last year. It's just been frustrating not being able to vent any anger that I have towards her. Once you get past a certain age, ya can't go around punching people in the nose unless you are on the Jerry Springer Show, no matter how satisfying it would be :P

My husband and I are doing pretty good now but you know, you can never get over something like that completely and my self preservation instinct will never let me forget it. I'm always on the lookout for any red flags now and if I feel something's off, we talk about it and he shows me it isn't. He gives me access to his emails, phone logs, facebook acct just so i feel comfortable (part of how he's been paying for this for the last year!) It's just that seeing her the other night and the c0cky way she acted just rubbed me the wrong way so my mind started ticking, working out creative ways for me to resolve the anger I have for her. I won't do it though. The part about the kids seeing it cements that decision.

Maybe next time I see her, I'll just punch her in the nose for closure ;P

Thanks guys

[divona2000]

Originally Posted by angrygypsy

...Maybe next time I see her, I'll just punch her in the nose for closure ;P...

A tempting but bad idea better yet...smile and wave. Yep. Just smile and wave.
Guaranteed to drive people nuts.

Make Herm Albright's famous quote "A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." your way of life.

[Alex23]

Are you really a gypsy?