Is this a legal matter? sorry it's long

[JAFO123]

What is the name of your state? VA
I posted this in another forum, I was told it wasn't an employment issue. I'm really just asking if this is a legal issue.
My wife works for COMPANY. During the time frame I have indicated, my wife experienced an emotional and physical event with John Doe, which prompted her to believe she wanted to pursue a marital separation and eventual divorce. Originally, I took the news very hard. I tried to determine the problems in my marriage to work towards a resolution, whether that be divorce or reconciliation. This all happened so fast. My wife and I were dealing with our newborn son’s Illness for the first three months of his life. I set my business aside for three months to focus on the family. Within the next two months the ordeal with John Doe occurred. My wife explained that during those two months she felt I could do nothing right. She expressed her feelings of distain towards me, and said our daughter’s behavior was, at times, more than she could bear. She confided that she felt she wanted to escape from her life and that made her feel like a bad mother and wife.

Now, I would like to explain why you are getting this letter. When my wife and I started talking about this, she expressed how John Doe was a very dear friend. She explained how he cared so much about our family (my welfare included). At that time she believed he cared more about our family than even she did. Of course this was very hard for me to believe, since he was trying to start a relationship with her. Following that dialog, I never understood how a very intelligent woman with a degree in psychology could be convinced that someone else cared more about our family than the parents themselves. He was able to convince her of this in a matter of a couple of weeks. The more my wife told me about the things he said, such as, “your family should always come first,” “your family is the most important thing,” the more I asked myself how could she believe he cared about us, if he wanted a relationship with her only.

From previous conversations with my wife, I remembered the name John Doe. A short time ago, Mr. Doe made inappropriate comments to my wife, and sent her e-mails (jokes) that were unsolicited and my wife believed were morally inappropriate. At that time, my wife told me about the e-mails and comments because of there content, she explained that he was a much older man and had kids our age. She felt like he was a father figure and harmless. The things Mr. Doe knew about my wife were common knowledge. Mr. Doe knew about my wife’s struggles with her pregnancies, that issue alone made Mr. Doe’s motives confusing and unclear. He knew that we have a three- year-old daughter. He knew that my wife had three miscarriages, and that our newborn son was like a gift from God, thus the name, Matthew. He knew that my wife was having a tough time after our son’s birth. He knew that in July my wife was diagnosed with depression. (She went to therapy because she couldn’t understand why she was treating her husband and daughter so badly.) Although she was prescribed antidepressants, nothing improved. But all this set aside, what decent logical person could not see that there is something special in a relationship when a woman who has had multiple miscarriages continues to try to conceive. Plus, Mr. Doe knew my wife and knew how much her family meant to her.
I called Mr. Doe in October/November. I explained that I would not get anyone else involved but I was very upset about his behavior. The one thing that surprised me the most, aside from the reason Mr. Doe pursued my wife, (he said he was lonely), was that I had to ask him to apologize for his actions. He expressed he knew what I was going through, when I hung up the phone I found myself feeling sorry for him. He had explained that his wife had an affair, they eventually divorced because of it. I asked Mr. Doe what it was like not to be able to see his children every day, and he expressed how hard it was for him. I later learned that his divorced happened much later then he had made me believe, in fact when he divorced one of his children had already married, the other child was 16 one month away from being 17 years of age. I now know he told me these things to get the reaction from me that he received, I felt sorry for him. He empathized with me, he told me of his own experiences with this same issue, and how hard it was for him. Mr. Doe is very aware of his skills and how to use them.

My wife and I made the decision to try to reconcile our relationship. Over the next month or so, my wife was still convinced Mr. Doe had done nothing wrong. She believed that he truly cared about her family. She even explained that Mr. Doe’s father was a man of the church, which further implied that she still believed Mr. Doe did nothing wrong. She continued to find fault with me and our daughter. Much like before. During one of our marriage counseling sessions the topic of Postpartum Depression (PPD) arose. Our counselor was not extremely knowledgeable about PPD, but said it could explain a lot. I did some research on PPD and felt this could be what was affecting my wife. After attending a PPD support group, we sought a therapist that specialized in PPD. After a meeting with this professional, my wife was prescribed a different antidepressant. Within a week to 10 days my wife was herself again. We were told it was hormonal and within a year or year and a half she could discontinue the medication.

Now that my wife is herself again, she has expressed how betrayed she feels. She doesn’t understand how she could have ever believed Mr. Doe cared about her family at all, she has asked why would he do such a thing. She has expressed how he empathized with every crisis she had, stating he had similar experiences in his own life. That revelation created a facade as he attempted to develop a symbiotic relationship to make her believe he knew exactly what she was experiencing. She now believes, not only was Mr. Doe not her friend, but the mere thought of what he did, makes her feel violated.

It’s now July 2007. My wife and I have always had a very strong marriage and friendship. The events that took place were and are still very hard to deal with. We thank God every day for giving us the strength to make it through this. Even now, we are still experiencing problems trying to comprehend how any person could convince my wife he cared about our family more than she did. I decided to learn more about Mr. Doe by hiring a private investigator. I discovered he possesses an MS in Biomedical Engineering and expertise in Psychological Operations and Deception. I believe Mr. Doe targeted my wife and that he knew exactly what he was doing. It’s not nauseating enough that Mr. Doe made comments in the past that were unsolicited and morally inappropriate, but his behavior was deceitful and self-serving. Let’s take this a step farther. My wife works in Tysons. Mr. Doe works in Dulles 30 minutes away. I drove my wife to and from work daily. Mr. Doe actions had already crossed the line, he went way beyond the line when he drove to Tysons from Dulles during working hours to pursue my wife. He knew she was diagnosed with depression (he expressed how everyone goes through that). Knowing that he holds a masters degree in biomedical engineering and had specific training in psychological operations, he certainly knows how to manipulate the human mind, especially when that mind was terribly tormented by guilt resulting from hormonal imbalances. To say that Mr. Doe has knowledge of depression would be an understatement. Additionally, he knew that my wife was married and had a 3-year-old daughter and 6-month old son at home.

Mr. Doe is an educated man who occupies a position of authority. My wife spoke to Mr. Doe about relocating to Charlottesville. She expressed her remorse relative to the death of Mr. Doe’s father. My wife hoped to continue working for Company, eventually retiring from the company. She now has no desire to be a part of the company. She walks around the building dreading the mere thought of seeing Mr. Doe, even knowing the possibility of seeing Mr Doe is remote the possibility still exists. Although she attempted to get help from others at Company, no one assisted her. The lack of support by people she confided made her feel like she was very much alone.

We are going to start a PPD support group to try to help others that may not know they are suffering from this little-known illness. In support of this effort, if this letter will prevent one other woman from experiencing such pain inflicted by Mr. Doe then it’s served its purpose. My wife believes she was victimized by someone skillful enough to manipulate a person’s mind. Had this been a situation where a therapist did this to a patient, the therapist would be in jail right now, or at the very least, charged with a crime, as much as we feel this was a criminal act, we have not pursued that avenue.

My wife realized she was not herself in July, she sought professional help and was getting treatment. Mr. Doe undermined that treatment by love bombing my wife. Mr. Doe lead my wife to believe she was ok when in fact she was not, as a result (aside from the damage this has done to our marriage) my wife suffered with an illness much longer then she needed to. We are still trying to determine what damage PPD had on our son, the more information we receive, the more we feel he will have issues later on in life. Mr. Doe’s unsolicited involvement with my wife has had a very damaging effect on more then just a married couple, he has effected my entire family.

My wife has a strong belief that people are basically honest, decent and forthcoming. Therefore, the ease in which Mr. Doe was able to gain her trust and confidence does not surprise me. Mr. Doe is a predator with a lot of experience and I worry about his next victim.

[quincy]

In order for most posters to give you advice, you will need to condense your story a LOT. Your question, I believe, is, "Is this a legal matter?" After reading through your post, all I can tell you is that it does not appear to be a Libel/Slander/Defamation matter. What it is, exactly, I am not real sure (other than sad).

[enjay]

That post was really long and I'm not sure I completely understand what you were trying to say.

In a nutshell, it seems to me like Mr. Doe hit on your wife and in a low moment (or moments) your wife got together with Mr. Doe. She (according to you) had PPD and was dissatisfied with you and most of the rest of her life and therefore acted on that dissatisfaction by having an affair. Is that accurate?

I think that you are focusing on Mr. Doe because it hurts less to think that someone else was completely responsible for the affair.

[HomeGuru]

[quote=JAFO123;1687805]What is the name of your state? VA
I posted this in another forum, I was told it wasn't an employment issue. I'm really just asking if this is a legal issue.


**A: yes, it is a legal matter.

[JAFO123]

I asked this question based on my therapist asking me if I saught leagl advice. She was under the impression that if he has behaved this way he may very well have done it in the past.

[Zigner]

I don't really have an answer for you, as my eyes blurred up after a while. All I am able to say is "wow, that's a lot of typing"


Edit:
What, exactly, is "love bombing?"

[HomeGuru]

Originally Posted by JAFO123

I asked this question based on my therapist asking me if I saught leagl advice. She was under the impression that if he has behaved this way he may very well have done it in the past.

**A: uh......ok, I think and now after reading your post, I need to see a therapist.

[JAFO123]

Love bombing is the deliberate show of affection or friendship by an individual or a group of people toward another individual. Critics have asserted that this action may be motivated in part by the desire to recruit or otherwise influence.

[JAFO123]

Thanks to everyone that responded to my question. I came here for legal advice and I also received therapy. By the responses I received I realized that the letter I had intended to send makes me sound like a bleeding heart and in denial that my wife did anything wrong, when my intention was to make people aware of what the man involved was capable of. If everyone here had the knowledge that the man involved had as many as 6 similar cases, I wonder if the advice would have been different. I also wonder if this had been a case of my wife gifting a large sum of money instead of an affair, would I have gotten a different response. If both parties involved in a contract have knowledge of a person having a mental illness would the contract be void upon proving this, why does a person's virtue have so little value in the same instance. Do the people that responded have any knowledge about PPD, or Psych-Ops. We had to learn about both, I had to contact retired military people to learn what a person with Psych-Ops training was capable of. We had to find someone who specialized in the treatment of PPD ( I live in a large metro area, there are five in the area that specialize in PPD) to effective get my wife treated. If I have insulted anyone that was not my intention, and I apologize ahead of time