Slander or Opinion?

[Bosoxrox]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? RI/WA

I have searched through the posts and I did not find a similar one, please correct me if I have missed it.

I was in a relationship with a man for several months. I became pregnant,. He left me in the 6th month of pregnancy. He stopped contact with me. I gave birth to a baby boy June.

His father’s wife contacted me in June, inquiring about the baby. I welcomed them to know their grandson, I send pictures and updates.

I tried to reach out kindly to my son’s father so they might have a relationship, but he kind of fakes remorse and then just disappears. Ok, fine. I tried.

A few days ago, the father’s wife writes a really hurtful email, saying that I “Coincidentally gave birth to this baby in the same year my child support from a another has ended”, and a few other negative things.

Comes down to, they guy left me to pursue someone else and rather that just say that he just wasn’t interested in us and left, he is saying I “tricked “ him into getting me pregnant so I could continue getting child support payments. This is now being used negatively against me. I am humiliated.

Is this considered to be just his opinion or possible slander? I am stumped. He appears on one hand to be making claims that I performed an action for monetary gain (except he was unemployed for most of our relationship). But on the other hand he is certainly entitled to his opinion, in that case I realize I have no choice but to just let it go.

I take full responsibility for my actions and of course expect some negative repercussions from not making good decisions, but I wonder where the line is.


Thanks so much for any advice.

 

[cyjeff]

Tell the nice grandparents that, according to my high school biology class, it took two people to make a baby.

The fact that the father doesn't want to be a part of the child's life is regrettable... the fact that he has a financial obligation is enforceable in court.

Then, tell the nice grandparents that if they ever want to see another picture of the child or have another visit, they should seriously consider changing their tone in all future communications.

In other words, tell them that unless they kiss your butt they can kiss contact with their grandchild goodbye... well, unless junior finds a spine and asks for visitation.

 

[Bosoxrox]

Tell the nice grandparents that, according to my high school biology class, it took two people to make a baby.

The fact that the father doesn't want to be a part of the child's life is regrettable... the fact that he has a financial obligation is enforceable in court.

Then, tell the nice grandparents that if they ever want to see another picture of the child or have another visit, they should seriously consider changing their tone in all future communications.

In other words, tell them that unless they kiss your butt they can kiss contact with their grandchild goodbye... well, unless junior finds a spine and asks for visitation.

Oh your post gave me the first genuine smile in days.

It is so sad how things end up, whether you know someone for 10 days or 20 years, they can just instantly turn on you. What a lousy risk.

Oh and just on a random note. I tried to get him to help secure child support agreement, suggesting he talk to a lawyer, even for his own protection, but he refused. He was so concerned with keeping things a "secret" he would send only money orders and not write what they were for. Upon speaking to the Div of Child Support Services who are now going to pursue him, (required, because my son receives State Health Coverage), these money orders are considered "gifts". Seems a bit harsh, I mean he did pay, at least. (though I really have no idea how much he makes so, who knows if it was the correct amount) Wow, I can not wait to see the shots he takes at me when he is served, judged and his wages garnished. Hey, I tried to help.

Sorry for rambling, nice to talk to grown ups for a few minutes.


Oops, "break" is over, sigh, washing machine is broken, time to go wash baby poopy clothes in sink.

Thanks for the post.

 

[The Occultist]

Even if it is slander (which it sounds like it could be), and even though you feel humiliated, what are your damages? Her email isn't somehow costing you money or otherwise preventing yourself from making money, is it? Have you lost friends over this email? When it comes down to it, no, I don't believe there is anything actionable based on the email you received (Quincy should be along shortly to correct me if I need correcting).

It sounds like you are going through the courts to get the child support you rightly deserve, so I recommend sticking with that and [not legal advice] not allowing any stupid, petty arguments from taking control of what is already a very difficult situation.

 

[cyjeff]

I do not consider access to people that think a child was a calculated financial decision either a stupid or petty argument.

 

[quincy]

I don't think that is really what The Occulist was saying, cyjeff.

As to whether it is defamatory to say that the pregnancy was the result of a (calculated) decision made by the mother for financial reasons, the answer is no. It would not be defamation. It is just a hurtful and rather nasty thing to say.

The timing of the pregnancy is a truthful fact (that it comes at a time when support for the other child is ending) and the "tricking" into a pregnancy is just a stupid ill-formed opinion based on the particular timing of the pregnancy.

 

[cyjeff]

I don't think that is really what The Occulist was saying, cyjeff.

You may be right... could be I just had my "sensitive" hat on.

 

[quincy]

Ha. I had my own sensitive hat on for awhile, but decided to delete my opinion of some adults (ie. of dads who blame moms for a pregnancy ).

 

[The Occultist]

You may be right... could be I just had my "sensitive" hat on.

I appreciate you conceding the point. It was indeed not how I meant it, but sometimes, when I intend to make a point, I will foolishly go to an extreme just to make sure my point is read (and the fallacy behind such an intent is that the extreme is read and the point is missed, which is why all my friends hate me! ).

But yes, my point was that there are people in the OP's life saying mean/hurtful things. I'm not bringing into my argument what was actually said by these people, but just that they are, in general, causing a ruckus. And nobody likes a ruckus. But the words themselves are not going to help the OP make a legal case one way or another (unless, of course, these words become public and create a volatile situation for the OP outside of the hurt feelings that are obvious to come with it).