True Defamation/Slander

[casa]

What is the name of your state? CA

This is a question for my friend & neighbor. Recently, while at my children's school- another parent approached me and began to tell wild stories about another parent at the school. I was offended, as I know the person in question & know the stories are absolutely false. The concern was that this person is a part-time babysitter for myself & other parents at the school. This is damaging to her reputation, her part-time income, and possibly any other children who will be affected by these stories while at school.

The allegations were that she used drugs, is sexually abhorrant (bi-sexual and some odd fetishes she rambled on about). The woman in question has never done so, and we've been together in several social settings as well as our children play together frequently, and I have never witnessed such things. I personally have come to her house unannounced & never found anything amis.

The issue here is that now she is at risk of losing some of her baby-sitting (income) and of course, now the whole town is talking about it. She's completely stressed her children will hear these stories and it will completely freak them out.

I advised her to file a Cease & Desist letter warning the woman that behavior will not be tolerated...and if it continues, a Civil Harassment Restraining Order. I'm willing to go to court with her if it comes to that~ as I was one of many witnesses that day.

The problem is that I'm having difficulty finding a 'Cease & Desist' form/letter which encompasses this situation.

Does anyone have any advice on what the Cease & Desist letter must contain for a situation such as this?

 

[seniorjudge]

Does anyone have any advice on what the Cease & Desist letter must contain for a situation such as this?

Listen here, you idiot, stop running your big fat mouth.

 

[casa]

Does anyone have any advice on what the Cease & Desist letter must contain for a situation such as this?

Listen here, you idiot, stop running your big fat mouth.

LMAO! Good One SJ. Of course, I DID do that much! Then, she went to the local restaurant where my other friend works & kept spewing. Since I have no desire to wind up in jail on assault charges, I figure I should help her do it all the legitimate way.

 

[quincy]

Your friend needs to go to court to obtain the cease-and-desist letter, blank forms of which are generally available at the court, or have an attorney draft a cease-and-desist letter, ordering the parent spreading the lies to stop the lies or she will be facing court action. The cease-and-desist order can be drafted to spell out specifically which actions need to be ceased, and the possible results of failure to cease or stop such actions and to desist or abstain from taking further actions.

The problem with any order prohibiting a person from continuing a particular course of action, however, which is what a cease-and-desist letter is designed to do, is that it does not remedy the harm that has already occurred - it only eliminates future harm.

If it can be shown that the lies spread have damaged the reputation of your friend in the community and, in addition, affected her source of income, that is generally enough for a defamation suit.

Damages awarded can include general or compensatory damage, for the injury to your friend's reputation or even, in some cases, for merely causing humiliation. This is not a fixed amount, as a person's reputation has no fixed value, but rather an amount requested by the "Plaintiff" and, ultimately, determined and ordered by the court. Actual damages can include pecuniary losses - the loss of baby-sitting customers, for instance, which affect your friend's income. These are amounts "actually" lost as a result of the defamation, or a reasonable estimate of what has been lost. There can be damages awarded for mental suffering, as well - and, with young children "involved", this could be a legitimate award. Finally, damages can be awarded in some states - I believe California is one - as punishment for the slanderous comments made. These punitive damages go above and beyond the general and actual damages that may be awarded.

With you as a witness, able and willing to testify to the slanderous statements made, there is a good chance your friend could win a defamation action against this gossip-y parent. You should be aware, however, that truth and opinion are both legitimate defenses to defamation, and you should be sure that neither can be successfully used against your friend should she decide to bring suit. Defamation suits are extremely expensive, but worth the time and expense if the winning of such a suit repairs a damaged reputation.

 

[seniorjudge]

LMAO! Good One SJ. Of course, I DID do that much! Then, she went to the local restaurant where my other friend works & kept spewing. Since I have no desire to wind up in jail on assault charges, I figure I should help her do it all the legitimate way.

Please tell me that you don't REALLY think that a cease and desist letter will stop this?!

 

[quincy]

My feeling exactly, SJ.

I was going to edit my post above, too, to clarify that a cease-and-desist order is a court order, commanding that certain actions be stopped. A cease-and-desist letter, however, can be drafted by an attorney, with indication of court action should the offending actions not cease.

Both the order and the letter can be as specific as necessary or desired, spelling out exactly what actions need to be corrected, with the letter indicating what action will be taken if there is a failure to "cease and desist".

As I mentioned above, however, a letter or order alone will not repair a damaged reputation. A defamation action will do this, to a certain extent - although reputations once damaged are hard to completely repair, which is why awards in such cases can be so high.

 

[casa]

Your friend needs to go to court to obtain the cease-and-desist letter, blank forms of which are generally available at the court, or have an attorney draft a cease-and-desist letter, ordering the parent spreading the lies to stop the lies or she will be facing court action. The cease-and-desist order can be drafted to spell out specifically which actions need to be ceased, and the possible results of failure to cease or stop such actions and to desist or abstain from taking further actions.

The problem with any order prohibiting a person from continuing a particular course of action, however, which is what a cease-and-desist letter is designed to do, is that it does not remedy the harm that has already occurred - it only eliminates future harm.

If it can be shown that the lies spread have damaged the reputation of your friend in the community and, in addition, affected her source of income, that is generally enough for a defamation suit.

Damages awarded can include general or compensatory damage, for the injury to your friend's reputation or even, in some cases, for merely causing humiliation. This is not a fixed amount, as a person's reputation has no fixed value, but rather an amount requested by the "Plaintiff" and, ultimately, determined and ordered by the court. Actual damages can include pecuniary losses - the loss of baby-sitting customers, for instance, which affect your friend's income. These are amounts "actually" lost as a result of the defamation, or a reasonable estimate of what has been lost. There can be damages awarded for mental suffering, as well - and, with young children "involved", this could be a legitimate award. Finally, damages can be awarded in some states - I believe California is one - as punishment for the slanderous comments made. These punitive damages go above and beyond the general and actual damages that may be awarded.

With you as a witness, able and willing to testify to the slanderous statements made, there is a good chance your friend could win a defamation action against this gossip-y parent. You should be aware, however, that truth and opinion are both legitimate defenses to defamation, and you should be sure that neither can be successfully used against your friend should she decide to bring suit. Defamation suits are extremely expensive, but worth the time and expense if the winning of such a suit repairs a damaged reputation.

Thank You for such a thorough & thoughtful response.

I can see where this could wind up being costly & time-consuming. I certainly would make myself available for any court action re; this. (I can't stress enough how outrageous these claims are, considering the person they are aimed at- This is a Volunteer Mom, active in the community, etc.)

I will be showing these replies to my friend this evening after work, and she can decide how to proceed.

 

[casa]

Please tell me that you don't REALLY think that a cease and desist letter will stop this?!

While I'm not sure it would make her Stop...I do know it would, at the very least, start a trail of documentation should my friend decide to pursue this in Civil Court. Although we won't know if it affects her babysitting income until Summer session starts...in the meantime she is absolutely horrified that any of her children will be subject to these rumors.

At any rate, at least the letter MAY help. It's doing something rather than nothing at this point.

 

[Just Blue]

While I'm not sure it would make her Stop...I do know it would, at the very least, start a trail of documentation should my friend decide to pursue this in Civil Court. Although we won't know if it affects her babysitting income until Summer session starts...in the meantime she is absolutely horrified that any of her children will be subject to these rumors.

At any rate, at least the letter MAY help. It's doing something rather than nothing at this point.

Can I be totally nosy and ask WHY this woman is saying such things?

 

[quincy]

casa -

I think the cease-and-desist letter is a good way to start, for the very reason you mentioned above.

I really don't think most people realize how harmful "a little gossip" can be to a person's reputation - which is why, perhaps, so many people freely gossip about others.

Good luck to your friend, with whichever avenue she decides ultimately to take.

 

[casa]

Can I be totally nosy and ask WHY this woman is saying such things?

I'm not sure. The woman is new to our community- I've only seen her a handful of times & I'm on the same Volunteer Team as my friend is. When I asked my friend, she only remembered one encounter with the woman - last summer when she just moved here. Apparently the woman was at a local event (Fireman's Annual Fund-Raiser) and the woman had gotten a bit drunk...she had made a pass @ my friend's husband. My friend's husband made a remark to her along the lines of "in your wildest dreams". That's the only thing she can think of? WHY or HOW that transmits to what is happening NOW, I don't know.

And the woman doing this obviously doesn't know my friend well, as she approached ME at the school to talk this trash...had she actually known a THING about my friend's life she would never have approached Me, of all people, to talk badly about her.

The major issues are her children hearing any of this nonsense...and, secondly, how it could affect her income which she says is about $300-$500 mo. for part-time care of 5 different kids. (She is the one who watched my kids when I was going through endless BS with my nuttyX ~ and I am the one who watches HER kids when she needs it. Our little ones are very close friends).

 

[casa]

casa -

I think the cease-and-desist letter is a good way to start, for the very reason you mentioned above.

I really don't think most people realize how harmful "a little gossip" can be to a person's reputation - which is why, perhaps, so many people freely gossip about others.

Good luck to your friend, with whichever avenue she decides ultimately to take.

Thank You. If my friend does pursue this, I'll certainly be helping her as much as I can. It seems to me that bullies get away with enough as it is.

 

[Silverplum]

I left some input for you at The Other Place, casa.

 

[casa]

I left some input for you at The Other Place, casa.

SilverySugarPlum...you made me laugh water through my nose

 

[Silverplum]

SilverySugarPlum...you made me laugh water through my nose

It was not my fault! Not in any way, shape, or form! I didn't do it! Eeek!