14-yr old

[JohnF123]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
Hi
I have been living with my girlfriend for about 2.5 years. She has a 14 yr old by her first husband. The child already has a history of lying, vandalism and shoplifting. A few days ago her high school friends pulled a cute prank...they dumped fish heads all over the lawn, porch and cars. (My car still smells like fish several days later.). Her mother and I were very upset, naturally. Things tend to get physical between the two of them. It did again this time. The child started hitting, so I restrained her. I did not hit her or hurt her in any way.
I have been trying to convince mom that we should seek counseling, as I see things getting worse unless we start getting proactive. We had this discussion again today and mom dropped a bombshell on me. She is worried that if we go to a counselor, the child will tell the counselor that I hit her. As the child has a history of lying, I am now VERY concerned. I don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying that this child is going to arbitrarily start lying about me when she gets upset.
I am a professional man. I work hard, I support the child with her homework, give her rides, go to her school activities...things a parent should do.I love the mother dearly and I want the best for the child. However, my reputation is important to me. What do I need to do to protect myself from a potential issue?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
Hi
I have been living with my girlfriend for about 2.5 years. She has a 14 yr old by her first husband. The child already has a history of lying, vandalism and shoplifting. A few days ago her high school friends pulled a cute prank...they dumped fish heads all over the lawn, porch and cars. (My car still smells like fish several days later.). Her mother and I were very upset, naturally. Things tend to get physical between the two of them. It did again this time. The child started hitting, so I restrained her. I did not hit her or hurt her in any way.
I have been trying to convince mom that we should seek counseling, as I see things getting worse unless we start getting proactive. We had this discussion again today and mom dropped a bombshell on me. She is worried that if we go to a counselor, the child will tell the counselor that I hit her. As the child has a history of lying, I am now VERY concerned. I don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying that this child is going to arbitrarily start lying about me when she gets upset.
I am a professional man. I work hard, I support the child with her homework, give her rides, go to her school activities...things a parent should do.I love the mother dearly and I want the best for the child. However, my reputation is important to me. What do I need to do to protect myself from a potential issue?

Mom & Dad need to parent their child. Is mom refusing to get daughter in counseling?

Unfortunately it seems you might have a huge decision to make.

 

[nextwife]

If it were my kid, I'd put her to work after school EVERY DAY doing yardwork, chores etc until she had earned enough to pay for detailing my car to get the smell out (and also, scrubbing the front porch).

And if she is getting physical, she sure as heck is sorely in need of counseling.

 

[Tallrat]

The next time she get's physical, call the Police. Each and every time.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
Hi
I have been living with my girlfriend for about 2.5 years. She has a 14 yr old by her first husband. The child already has a history of lying, vandalism and shoplifting. A few days ago her high school friends pulled a cute prank...they dumped fish heads all over the lawn, porch and cars. (My car still smells like fish several days later.). Her mother and I were very upset, naturally. Things tend to get physical between the two of them. It did again this time. The child started hitting, so I restrained her. I did not hit her or hurt her in any way.
I have been trying to convince mom that we should seek counseling, as I see things getting worse unless we start getting proactive. We had this discussion again today and mom dropped a bombshell on me. She is worried that if we go to a counselor, the child will tell the counselor that I hit her. As the child has a history of lying, I am now VERY concerned. I don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying that this child is going to arbitrarily start lying about me when she gets upset.
I am a professional man. I work hard, I support the child with her homework, give her rides, go to her school activities...things a parent should do.I love the mother dearly and I want the best for the child. However, my reputation is important to me. What do I need to do to protect myself from a potential issue?

Run. Run as fast as you can as far away from this brat and her idiot mother.

 

[ezmarelda]

Run. Run as fast as you can as far away from this brat and her idiot mother.

i second that!

just bumping due to spam

 

[stealth2]

I'm with the run far, run fast crowd.

But if you won't do that, a few pointers. Do not EVER be alone with this child. Do not EVER touch her under any circumstances (you should never have restrained her, to be honest). If she is out of control, let Mom deal with her and call the cops. YOU stay away from her and don't touch her.

 

[FarmerJ]

You may love the mom BUT life is full of choices some not as wise as others, I would suggest its time to learn what there is available in your area that mom can qaulify for as far as behavior modification programs tied to counseling that mom can arrange for, then to sit down with the mom and encourage her to make a wise choice about seeking help for the child . Tell the mom you would like to see her make a good choice for her daughter before you have to seriously consider what your own options are. ( which include MOVING OUT and ending all contact with them , moving out and continue to date mom BUT with rules of conduct when and if the child is at your place and consequences ,(list of behaviour that is not acceptable at your home and say suspension of visit) such as child becomes physical , verbal agression, physical aggression, steals , causes property destruction, when in your home while they are visiting then they both must leave)