16 year old daughter and 19 year old boyfriend.

[charlie52]

hi all,
here it is. my daughter just turned 16 and we just found out her and her 19 year old boyfriend have been having premarital sex. we are a deeply devoted christian family, and this is not acceptable to us. my daughter is of good character, and was just swept into this by this boyfriend. do we have any legal recourse against him? we live in oklahoma. thanks.
-Charlie

 

[Smithy]

This isn't legal advice, but I think it could be more helpful.

Please get your daughter on birth control immediately. Becoming a parent at sixteen would be very difficult. Also, try not to place complete blame on this boy (Unless he is forcing her to have sex. Since you said that she was 'swept into it' by him, I don't think that is what is happening and that it is more likely that you are unable to accept your daughter making a decision that conflicts with your own religious morals.) If it is your daughter's conscious decision to engage in premarital sex, then at least let her do it armed with the knowledge of all the possible consequences and take action now to prevent the negative consequences from occuring. Good luck.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

YOU SAID:

"we are a deeply devoted christian family"

MY RESPONSE:

Well, I know of at least one of you in the "family" who isn't.


YOU SAID:

"my daughter is of good character"


MY RESPONSE:

Well, perhaps not - - or, not as much as you thought she was.


MY THOUGHTS:

I thoroughly agree with Smithy's suggestion to you about birth control pills and sex education. But, lets not kid ourselves, Charles. You, me and Smithy all know that you're a Bible thumping Christian, and that birth control pills are repugnant to you and your belief system.

So, you'd rather be a Grandpa, and take legal action, than try to mitigate your damages by giving your daughter birth control pills.

Well, it's your choice. Besides, there's really nothing you can do from a legal standpoint. You see, in Oklahoma, the age of consent is 16 years of age. So, she can legally consent to the intercourse and other sexual contacts.

IAAL

 

[JETX]

IAAL is absolutely correct in that 16 is the legal age of consent in Oklahoma.

However, other laws have been successful in cases like this, if you are considering possible legal action. And sometimes even the fact that you are aware of these laws and making him aware of them can sometimes 'solve the problem' in itself.

Some are:
1) 21 O.S. § 856 (OSCN 2001) - Delinquent Minor - Contributing to Delinquency:
"A. 1. Except as otherwise specifically provided by law, every person who shall knowingly or willfully cause, aid, abet or encourage a minor to be, to remain, or to become a delinquent child or a runaway child, upon conviction, shall, for the first offense, be guilty of a misdemeanor punishable by imprisonment in a county jail not to exceed one (1) year, or by a fine not to exceed One Thousand Dollars ($1,000.00), or by both such fine and imprisonment.
2. For purposes of prosecution under this subsection, a "runaway child" means an unemancipated minor who is voluntarily absent from the home without a compelling reason, without the consent of a custodial parent or other custodial adult and without the parent or other custodial adult's knowledge as to the child's whereabouts. "Compelling reason" means imminent danger from incest, a life-threatening situation, or equally traumatizing circumstance. A person aiding a runaway child pursuant to paragraph (4) of subsection (a) of Section 5 of Title 76 of the Oklahoma Statutes or aiding a child based upon a reasonable belief that the child is in physical, mental or emotional danger and with notice to the Department of Human Services or a local law enforcement agency of the location of the child within twelve (12) hours of aiding the child shall not be subject to prosecution under this section.
Source: http://www.oscn.net/applications/oscn/deliverdocument.asp?citeID=69394
NOTE: I know, we have not heard of any issues of delinquincy in this case, but the above Code could apply if the circumstances warrant.

2) 21 O.S. § 1021 (OSCN 2001)- Indecent Exposure - Indecent Exhibitions - Obscene or Indecent Writings, Pictures, Etc. - Solicitation of Minors
I know 'another stretch', but it is common that these 'events' happen in a public location (19 and 16 year olds seldom get motel rooms).
Source:
http://www.oscn.net/applications/oscn/deliverdocument.asp?citeID=69510

3) 21 O.S. § 1123 (OSCN 2001) - Lewd or Indecent Proposals or Acts As to Child Under 16
Since you say that she just turned 16, I would have to assume that he did violate this state law.
Source: http://www.oscn.net/applications/oscn/deliverdocument.asp?citeID=69615

Best of luck to you... you will need it in dealing with this problem.

 

[charlie52]

thank you all,
but, my daughter claims this only started after she turned 16, so it sounds like i have no recourse? unless i could prove it occurred in a public place? thank you again.
-Charlie

 

[Smithy]

Why don't you stop worrying about your own 'legal recourse' (which I define as you trying to get revenge on the guy you think 'did this' to your daughter.) and start worrying about your DAUGHTER?

 

[craftymom]

unless i could prove it occurred in a public place?
-Charlie

What are you going to do? Follow her around with a video camera? She's not doing anything illegal according to your states' laws about the age of consent.

Since your religious beliefs/convictions are obviously going to prevent you from bringing your daughter to a doctor, then why don't you just let her know that, although you don't condone her choice (s), there are birth control options and places she can go such as planned parenthood? At least arm her with the knowledge that there are ways to prevent potential disaster.

And then you can pray that it all turns out..... At least that way you don't have to worry about any religious guilt.........

 

[meleahk1]

I believe in God and have strong faith, but I am not stupid!

There are birth control methods out there, which the Good Lord made available! Each of my daughters when they started dating were put on birth control. Think about Charlie, God does give us a way out sometimes before the way even occured.

I do not condone sex before marriage and never will! But Charlie, use your common sense with this one. You will not be able to stop your daughter no matter how strong your faith is, just as I cannot stop mine.

This advice may not sit well with other posters, but that is how I feel!

Think about Charlie, long and hard!

Good Luck.

 

[craftymom]

I believe in God and have strong faith, but I am not stupid!

There are birth control methods out there, which the Good Lord made available! Each of my daughters when they started dating were put on birth control.

You will not be able to stop your daughter no matter how strong your faith is, just as I cannot stop mine.

These statements show the difference in your thinking, and Charlie's (judging by the 'approach' he seems to want to take in this matter).

I meant not to 'knock' any beliefs in God or religion in my previous post. It just irks me when people stand behind their 'faith' while making foolish choices. Or worse, demeaning the people they 'love' with their own pious attitudes. I apologize if I came across as 'bashing' religious beliefs. That was not my intent.


Good for you, meleahk1, for having the sense, intelligence, and reason to watch out for your children's best future interests, even if it caused you to go against your own beliefs.

 

[meleahk1]

none taken! I get irrked too when so called Christians act the this man is. Honey believe me I know first hand that Christians are the worse ones. A judge I am not nor do I pretend to be, that is a Higher Sources job!

Thanks fo apologizing, but no need.

 

[Grandma B]

I once worked with a woman who lived with a man. She "couldn't" marry him because she was divorced and remarriage was against her religion. I guess she felt fornication was less a sin than remarriage. My daughter also knew a girl in high school who had three children before graduating because, you guessed it, birth control was against her religion. One can pick and choose his sins.