abandment of a natural child

[dawnb]

What is the name of your state? Arizona
I have a 6 mos old daughter and the father has known of her since I was pregnant with her. I later found out that he was married and he had lied and put an order of protection against me. I didn't fight it because I didn't want any problems. He hasn't seen his daughter or sent any money. He knows where I work at and my place of residents. I have not gotten a patrnity test yet but I need to know all of what I need to do to file papers of abandonment of my child and if I do would I still be able to get child support. What do I do?

[stealth2]

How can someone who is not legally the parent abandon the child?

[ceara19]

So basically you want to know if you can claim abandonment in order to keep dad from actually having any rights to the child, yet still hold him financially responsible, am I right?

[nextwife]

Originally Posted by dawnb

What is the name of your state? Arizona
I have a 6 mos old daughter and the father has known of her since I was pregnant with her. I later found out that he was married and he had lied and put an order of protection against me. I didn't fight it because I didn't want any problems. He hasn't seen his daughter or sent any money. He knows where I work at and my place of residents. I have not gotten a patrnity test yet but I need to know all of what I need to do to file papers of abandonment of my child and if I do would I still be able to get child support. What do I do?

Hon, if you are unmarried when you have a baby, the baby doesn't HAVE a legal father UNTIL patenitty is legally established. So he has not been the father- thus he can't have "abandoned her".

You have every right to file for paternity establishment, custody and child support, just as he can, once paternity is established, file for custody (he would probably be granted joint legal at minimum) and to start a visitation schedule.

[dawnb]

Originally Posted by ceara19

So basically you want to know if you can claim abandonment in order to keep dad from actually having any rights to the child, yet still hold him financially responsible, am I right?

Yes. That is what I am saying. I don't know how to do it and I have been told that I can. Her father wants nothing to do with her anyways but I still feel that he should have to pay. I heard that this would be the easiest way.

[dawnb]

Originally Posted by nextwife

Hon, if you are unmarried when you have a baby, the baby doesn't HAVE a legal father UNTIL patenitty is legally established. So he has not been the father- thus he can't have "abandoned her".

You have every right to file for paternity establishment, custody and child support, just as he can, once paternity is established, file for custody (he would probably be granted joint legal at minimum) and to start a visitation schedule.

So I would have to establish paternity and then could I file for abandment? I just don't think that this fair when he wants nothing to do with her but gets all ehse rights when he doesn't desrve them. He has known about her from the beginning.

[ceara19]

Originally Posted by dawnb

So I would have to establish paternity and then could I file for abandment? I just don't think that this fair when he wants nothing to do with her but gets all ehse rights when he doesn't desrve them. He has known about her from the beginning.

He has NO rights at all. At this point he's not even the father. He can't abandon a child he doesn't have. Once paternity has been established, you can petition for child support. However, the most common response to this action is for the father to petition for visitation or custody. If he does, you can expect that he WILL receive, at the very least, minimum visitation. However, joint custody is standard unless there are extenuating circumstances and none of the information you have given so far would give the court any reason to even consider giving him anything less then joint custody.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by dawnb

Yes. That is what I am saying. I don't know how to do it and I have been told that I can. Her father wants nothing to do with her anyways but I still feel that he should have to pay. I heard that this would be the easiest way.

You cannot have your cake and eat it too. Good grief. You cannot hold him financially responsible and deny him interaction with his child> Once you file anything in court, the COURTS are the ones that have control and THEY will determine who does what when. If you don't follow that you will be in contempt which is a crime. He should have to pay but he shouldn't be able to have any relationship? You are a child. As for it being the easiest way -- for who?
You act as though this man is entirely responsible for your predicament however you are the one who spread your legs, allowed him to ejaculate in you, and carried the baby to term. You bear 50% of the responsibility. You are automatically known to be the mother of this child -- the child came from your loins so you automatically get that right. However, the law does not automatically recognize any man as the father because you are unmarried and you can point fingers all you want but daddy NEEDS to be legally adjudicated the father.
You crying abandonment is stupidity. It has no legal basis. It is frivolous. If you want child support, file for it but be aware that daddy has rights to custody. And guess what? In many states he has rights EQUAL to you once he is adjudicated the father. So you cannot say that just because you are mommy you are more important to the child. WRONG!

[dawnb]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

You cannot have your cake and eat it too. Good grief. You cannot hold him financially responsible and deny him interaction with his child> Once you file anything in court, the COURTS are the ones that have control and THEY will determine who does what when. If you don't follow that you will be in contempt which is a crime. He should have to pay but he shouldn't be able to have any relationship? You are a child. As for it being the easiest way -- for who?
You act as though this man is entirely responsible for your predicament however you are the one who spread your legs, allowed him to ejaculate in you, and carried the baby to term. You bear 50% of the responsibility. You are automatically known to be the mother of this child -- the child came from your loins so you automatically get that right. However, the law does not automatically recognize any man as the father because you are unmarried and you can point fingers all you want but daddy NEEDS to be legally adjudicated the father.
You crying abandonment is stupidity. It has no legal basis. It is frivolous. If you want child support, file for it but be aware that daddy has rights to custody. And guess what? In many states he has rights EQUAL to you once he is adjudicated the father. So you cannot say that just because you are mommy you are more important to the child. WRONG!

You have me all wrong. I am not a child for one. I know that I bear 50% of the responsibility but I think that we all know that when it comes to be parents it's not like that. I know that this father wants nothing to do with his daughter. I dont want it to be to where he says that he wants no rights and doesn't have to pay because of him giving up all his rights. If he doesn't want them then that's fine but he should still have to pay.. That is what I am saying. So if you want to help me than help. I am only here for my daughter. I am not here to do wrong for her father. I just know that he doesn't want her and I know that if he says that he gives up his rights as the father he doesn't have to pay child supprt. If I do this abandonment thing then I know that he doesn't have to have anything to do with her but my daughter still receives her money that is due to her. I have been taking care of her and my son all by myself. Trust me I work hard and love my two kids. They mean the world to me. Like I said if you want to help then do it just don't sit there and act like I a stupid or dumb because I am not!!!!! I need help not put downs!!!

[dawnb]

Originally Posted by ceara19

He has NO rights at all. At this point he's not even the father. He can't abandon a child he doesn't have. Once paternity has been established, you can petition for child support. However, the most common response to this action is for the father to petition for visitation or custody. If he does, you can expect that he WILL receive, at the very least, minimum visitation. However, joint custody is standard unless there are extenuating circumstances and none of the information you have given so far would give the court any reason to even consider giving him anything less then joint custody.

Hey, Thanks for the reply back. I can use as much help as much as possible. Are you and all the others here that answer the questions attorneys?

[Zigner]

Originally Posted by dawnb

You have me all wrong. I am not a child for one. I know that I bear 50% of the responsibility but I think that we all know that when it comes to be parents it's not like that. I know that this father wants nothing to do with his daughter. I dont want it to be to where he says that he wants no rights and doesn't have to pay because of him giving up all his rights. If he doesn't want them then that's fine but he should still have to pay.. That is what I am saying. So if you want to help me than help. I am only here for my daughter. I am not here to do wrong for her father. I just know that he doesn't want her and I know that if he says that he gives up his rights as the father he doesn't have to pay child supprt. If I do this abandonment thing then I know that he doesn't have to have anything to do with her but my daughter still receives her money that is due to her. I have been taking care of her and my son all by myself. Trust me I work hard and love my two kids. They mean the world to me. Like I said if you want to help then do it just don't sit there and act like I a stupid or dumb because I am not!!!!! I need help not put downs!!!

Once you establish paternity and file for child support, the attitude of the putative father will
most likely change. You need to take this step by step and don't make assumptions.
Furthermore, he can't just "give up" his responsibilities for the child. You will still be entitled to child support.

PS: You really need to drop the attitude. Nothing that was said was out of line or incorrect.

[AHA]

Originally Posted by dawnb

Are you and all the others here that answer the questions attorneys?

Since you are not one, but could still register and post here, it's pretty clear that not every poster is an attorney.

[ceara19]

Originally Posted by dawnb

You have me all wrong. I am not a child for one. I know that I bear 50% of the responsibility but I think that we all know that when it comes to be parents it's not like that. I know that this father wants nothing to do with his daughter. I dont want it to be to where he says that he wants no rights and doesn't have to pay because of him giving up all his rights. If he doesn't want them then that's fine but he should still have to pay.. That is what I am saying. So if you want to help me than help. I am only here for my daughter. I am not here to do wrong for her father. I just know that he doesn't want her and I know that if he says that he gives up his rights as the father he doesn't have to pay child supprt. If I do this abandonment thing then I know that he doesn't have to have anything to do with her but my daughter still receives her money that is due to her. I have been taking care of her and my son all by myself. Trust me I work hard and love my two kids. They mean the world to me. Like I said if you want to help then do it just don't sit there and act like I a stupid or dumb because I am not!!!!! I need help not put downs!!!

Abandonment is not even an option. He would have to have NO contact at all, paying child support IS contact, for a certain length if time AFTER paternity is established. He may not want to have anything to do with the child today, but I'd be willing to bet that the minute you petition for child support, he will decide that he wants to be an involved father.

He might even go so far as to petition for custody and ask the court to order YOU to pay child support. He might even have a shot at winning. He managed to get a judge to issue an order of protection against you.

[MacysGirls]

I'd look into otherchildren.com
Its a private support board for woman who've had children or are pregnant by married men. Its a situation one would never think of being in...good luck

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by dawnb

You have me all wrong.

Actually no I don't. I was responding to what you said. You told Ceara that you did not want daddy to have contact but you wanted him to pay.

I am not a child for one.

let me be more specific -- you are acting like one!

I know that I bear 50% of the responsibility but I think that we all know that when it comes to be parents it's not like that. I know that this father wants nothing to do with his daughter.

You do not KNOW that. You think that. You may hope that. You may wish that. But you do not know what is going to happen in the future.

I dont want it to be to where he says that he wants no rights and doesn't have to pay because of him giving up all his rights.

You never mentioned him giving up his rights and he can't do that anyway. You would have to be married in a stable relationship and your husband (of at least a year or so) would have to adopt the child for the man you say is daddy to give up his rights.

If he doesn't want them then that's fine but he should still have to pay..

And the law requires it but YOU do not get to state that he doesn't get visitation.

That is what I am saying.

And that is NOT what you said.

So if you want to help me than help.

I have helped. Not my fault you don't want to hear it.

I am only here for my daughter. I am not here to do wrong for her father. I just know that he doesn't want her and I know that if he says that he gives up his rights as the father he doesn't have to pay child supprt.

He doesn't have a choice to give up his rights at this point. He has to support the child and you do not KNOW what he is going to say. You know what you THINK he is going to say.

If I do this abandonment thing then I know that he doesn't have to have anything to do with her but my daughter still receives her money that is due to her.

Good grief. YOU ARE WRONG ABOUT THAT! Again you don't know. What you are talking about is not abandonment. It is you wanting dad to have no visitation -- which is NOT the same as visitation.


I have been taking care of her and my son all by myself.

And this guy is not the father of your son right? Where is that guy at? Does he pay child support? You would not have these issues IF you waited until you got married to have children.

Trust me I work hard and love my two kids. They mean the world to me. Like I said if you want to help then do it just don't sit there and act like I a stupid or dumb because I am not!!!!! I need help not put downs!!!

You are acting like you are ignorant of the law which you are. End of story. Oh and by the way I gave you legal advice. I am also an attorney that does family law/custody.