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adult child's responsibility for parent

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helenh

Guest
What is the name of your state? washington. can adult children be held responsible for the living conditions of their mother? mom is 82 and chooses to live on her own with 30 cats and dogs inside the house. house is filthy, floors and counter tops covered with animal feces. she says she does not care, she is happy. her roof leaks, furnace is broken and the floor is rotting away. we have tried to go in and clean for her so we can make repairs. she resents our intrusion into her "lifestyle".we have tried to talk her into reducing the number of animals. she wants no part of it and two of our siblings have threatened violence towards us if we try to get rid of any of her pets. we have also stated that we would turn this over to the police or the health department but the violent threats come at us for that too. if we turn her in now they said they would know it was us and would come after our families too. will the state charge us with neglect for allowing her to live in this filth when the house falls down around her and they have to step in to rescue her from herself?
 


Whyte Noise

Senior Member
Please don't take my response as mean spirited or disrespectful of your mom because that's not at all how I mean it.

Is mom a stable person? Still handles her daily affairs such as shopping, paying bills, etc? Has anyone been appointed as a guardian over her?

She is up in years, and as we all know sometimes the elderly decline quite rapidly from a number of causes. Honestly, the description of her living environment is a not only a health hazard, but I imagine also a health code violation. And her refusing any offers to clean up her house or make repairs to floors that are falling in might mean that mom has reached that point to where she no longer can decipher her own best interests and take care of herself properly.

Sorry, I feel no empathy whatsoever for the siblings who just say "Leave mom alone and let her live like she wants to or I'll have you put in jail, or worse." Personally, I can't fathom how ANY child would want their elderly parents to live in filth such as that. Her health could be at stake in this, and they'd rather just sit back and let what happens happen? If it were my dad in that position (and he's 64) I'd drag his ass kicking and screaming away from there as fast as I could and to hell with what my two brothers said. I wouldn't want to live in those kinds of conditions and sure as hell wouldn't want the man that raised me to either. He deserves better, and so does your mom.

As for the legalities of your situation, I really don't know what to tell you. Perhaps you should contact a local attorney who practices Elder Law and see if he might be able to advise you on what can or can not be done. But I would think that since mom is living on her own and is, after all, an adult, unless she's found to be incompetent and has a guardian in place who is to see to her care that you wouldn't be charged with neglect. No one has custody of mom but mom. She's responsible for her own actions right now I'd think.
 
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helenh

Guest
yes, mom is able to still drive and pay her bills, shop for groceries and of course, pet supplies! my brothers are not suggesting jail for those of us that want to improve mom's living conditions, they are threatening us with rifles and that sort of life or death threat. they are not bluffing either. while we want to help our mom, it is not worth our lives or the lives of our own families. yes, we feel that mom is not thinking rationally as far as her personal health is conserned but oddly enough, she remains very healthy. our hands are tied as far as helping her out at this point. we just want to be sure that we cannot be accused of neglect. thank you so much for answering me.
 

ellencee

Senior Member
This woman needs to be saved from herself and her delusional children. This woman is a danger to herself and to others--driving at 82, out there where split-second reflexes are a must! I have no idea if this woman has auto insurance, but chances are, she doesn't have enough, if she has any.

You should make an anonymous call to whatever agency in your area handles Elder Abuse--they handle situations like this, too. Be sure to report the threats you have received from your siblings in their efforts to keep you from protecting mom from herself.

I'm thinking that if you know she isn't capable of caring for herself and that she is a danger to others, there is the possibility that somewhere in the law, there is a law that can point the finger of liability directly to you.
 

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