Am I providing enough, or is she bluffing?

[Ag3Usn]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I live in NJ, she lives in MN.

I'm in the military and get BAH because I'm married. I want to divorce my wife after a year, we have no kids together but she has one 3 year old. I'm going to serve her with the papers next week. I have to pay off various credit cards(2 she got without my permission in my name)and a large loan that I had to get to have her moved back home, as well as other bills. Usually after i get paid and pay bills and debts, I have very little money left for food. I used to give my wife approximately $1,200 month, leaving me with a few hundred to pay my rent. But I realized that I'd starve if I gave her this much, so I asked nicely if I could give her $1000 a month, so I could live lol.

She has a vindictive streak so I'm sketical about some of her claims: She says if I take more money from her, I'm going to regret it, I'll owe her so much money in court. She doesn't have a job yet and can't get unemployment because she hasn't worked long enough (she only had a job for approx 4 months while we were married) so she can't pay her rent and is depending on this to do it.

She made the mistake of getting a place she couldn't even afford when she moved back home, is that my problem? What if she got a place that was more than even the BAH? Wouldn't it make more sense to live with a family member or something UNTIL you get a job? She is making it look like the money I'm sending her is her only way to live, which is making me look bad, but I have to eat too right?

I'm just don't know what she's really capable of because I've never dealt with this stuff before. When we lived together, and I stopped sending her $300 a month for her leisure and made it $100, she flipped out and said she would send a letter to congress and have me kicked out of the navy if I didn't send her $200 more lol, there are so many more asinine claims. I don't know if I'm right or wrong for sending her 1k a month instead of 1.2k. Thanks in advance for any advice, it's greatly appreciated. I'm 23 and she is 29 by the way.

[xylene]

You are contemplating filing a divorce.

Where is your lawyer?

Your ex is full of crap on the getting you kicked out of the Navy. Are you kidding (i mean is she)?

[Ag3Usn]

I'm going to server her with the papers next week.

I don't have a lawyer, at least not yet. I was going to do it Pro se, because she agreed she would make the whole process easy and just sign the papers, until she got all crazy and wanted to destroy me lol. So i guess I'll have to get one, which is ridiculous, why does she have to make this so complicated for something that didn't even last so long? She just doesn't want to be a struggling single mom again, but that's not my fault. But lawyers are expensive, and pro bono work is just a fantasy lol, but I'll look anyways.

She wasn't kidding about her wild claims, she just knows how gullible and naive I am and it shows her desperation that she would say such things just to manipulate me.

I always thought lawyers were for more complicated cases, like people that have property and kids together and were married for years and years ya know? A marriage for one year with no kids or property shouldn't take this freaking long I'm so stressed out, she is holding me back from living my life.

[xylene]

Originally Posted by Ag3Usn

I always thought lawyers were for more complicated cases....

1. You are in the service

2. Your wife is demanding EXTENSIVE support (and you are prepared to agree.. )

3. You have 'muddied the waters' by starting the divorce without a lawyer.


You have a complicated case.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by xylene

1. You are in the service

2. Your wife is demanding EXTENSIVE support (and you are prepared to agree.. )

3. You have 'muddied the waters' by starting the divorce without a lawyer.


You have a complicated case.

It might be simpler at this point for him to talk to JAG about how much support he owes her. I believe its the portion of BAH/BAS that would be attributed to her (and perhaps the child), but JAG could confirm that.

Its a one year marriage and there are no children or property. Therefore, if he is sure that he is following the military rules regarding support (only until the divorce is final) then I don't think its so complicated.

[xylene]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

Therefore, if he is sure that he is following the military rules regarding support (only until the divorce is final) then I don't think its so complicated.

Quite true, but the poster does not have the amicable pro se divorce he imagined, and it is time to seek legal advice before agreeing to an arbitrary support amount determined by wife.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by xylene

Quite true, but the poster does not have the amicable pro se divorce he imagined, and it is time to seek legal advice before agreeing to an arbitrary support amount determined by wife.

It may not be amicable, but its still not particularly complicated. The military will make him provide support under their rules until the divorce is final. A civilian judge certainly isn't going to make him provide any MORE than what the military orders him to provide...not with a one year marriage.

He really doesn't have much of anything to risk, other than possibly time if she drags things out.

[Ag3Usn]

Hmmm, I see. Thanks a lot both of you . I haven't spoken to JAG, but I have spoken to the legal advisor for my base, and he simply said I just need to provide an "adequate amount" when I asked him how much I have to pay my wife. the military guidelines are very vague when it comes to this situation. I was told as long as I keep sending her money and keep documentation that I have been sending her money I'll be fine.

Should I just see what happens when she gets the papers? If she wants to drag it out then I could get a lawyer, but if she just agrees, then I won't need one possibly? She is hard to read, she claims that she wants it to be over so she can move on too, yet last week she practically begged me to stay married to her so she could leech more BAH until she gets back on her feet.