Boyfriend Gone Wild

[taro_boy]

State: Hawaii

Aloha! First of all, thank you so much for offering this service and assistance to the public! I am trying to help my sister find information on a relationship gone bad. She has been with her boyfriend for over 10 years now (all in Hawaii) and have lived together for at least the last 5 years. They currently have a mortgage and two vehicles, one paid for and the other being financed, in both their names. My sister also has two children from this man. They are not married and I do not believe that the State of Hawaii has "common-law marriage". She discovered he was cheating on her since last August and has repeatedly promised to stop the fling; however, it has persisted and my sister does not want to have anything to do with him anymore. Early on he promised to "let her have everything" and move out, though he has now changed his attitude and will not leave voluntarily while he continues his relationship with the other woman. During this time, he has been verbally abusive to my sister and has even taken one or both of their children with him while he was with the other girl. My sister claims that although both of their names are on the mortgage and car registrations, it is basically her earnings that go toward the house while his (which is less than hers) pays for utilities and other general bills. At this point she wants him out of the house and would like to know where she stands legally to make this happen. Can she get a TRO against him to keep him out of the house and away from the kids?? What kind of footing does she has as far as custody of them?? What is the outlook as far as division of their "common property"?? Please help!!

[AmarieNorton]

Originally Posted by taro_boy

Can she get a TRO against him to keep him out of the house and away from the kids??

Why would she want to keep him away from the kids? He will still have a right to be in their lives if he is in fact the father. And she probably won't be able to control whether or not he takes the kids around his new woman.

Originally Posted by taro_boy

What kind of footing does she has as far as custody of them??

The courts will decide that but he will likely be given visitation.

Originally Posted by taro_boy

What is the outlook as far as division of their "common property"?? Please help!!

I'm not sure, the legal experts on this forum will be able to help with this one.

Why did your sister combine her finances with someone that she wasn't married to? Heck, even combining finances with someone that you ARE married to can get tricky!

[taro_boy]

Thanks for your reply, Amarie. I don't believe she wants to keep him away from the kids, as in a spiteful or "malicious" way. He is the biological father, so he has just as much right to be a part of their lives as she does. What I think she wants to avoid is him using their kids as a "pawns" in this break-up game. They are already innocent and unfortunate victims of his actions, and as children, they aren't able to comprehend or put reason to what is going on, so everything is confusing to them.

As for why she chose to go into things financially with her b/f, I can only guess that when one operates under the assumption that you will eventually be married to this person or that the relationship is permanent, the notion of taking precautions becomes abscured.

I'm beginning to learn that she is at a disadvantage since she is into so many financial things with him without being married. I think the thing that will empower her the most at this point is just to know where she stands legally as far as the house, cars, and kids.

Thanks again!