boyfriend's ex - child custody - restraining order

[Jazmyn]

i'm in Ohio.

I'm involved with a man who's ex girlfriend is harrassing him and me. They have a daughter, were never married, and have an unofficial shared custody setup, as well as unofficial child support payments. the man pays gladly, although most believe he's paying far too much, and she continues to demand more.

now that he's seeing someone, she is determined to make sure she scares me off. She has appeared at his apartment and threatened me, called me a whore, told him he will not be seeing me any more, she'll make sure of it. She uses their daughter against him; she calls and leaves rude, obnoxious messages. she's instructed her daughter to report to her if she ever sees me around daddy. (the daughter is 5 yrs old). There's far more - her lifestyle (she's an alcholic), her relationships (they had to get blood tests to prove the daughter was his, because she admitted she cheated on him), the way they broke up (she left, took their daughter and moved out).

here's my main question - He needs to take legal action, and get a restraining order against this woman. He is willing to do so, and will be seeing a lawyer (i hope). i just want to find some idea what this will entail. If he does so, (assuming he can prove grounds and GET a CPO), does he risk losing access to his daughter? what are the options for having an intermediary between him and his ex to make necessary communications about the daughter, but preventing contact between the parents? I dont' know if his name is on the birth certificate or not. nor do i know if the daughter carries his last name.

and, my other question - how careful do i have to be, in my position. Because...at this point, if she calls me a whore one more time, i'm afraid i might lose it. i will not be spoken to that way. I dont' want to jeapordize any future legal action by snapping and getting violent. I'm not by nature a violent person at ALL...but i'm large, and very strong, and i could easily hurt her. and part of me wants to. She's hurting him and her daughter - when i last saw the daughter, she looked at me with this confused expression - i could tell she wanted to say hi to me, and talk to me, but was afraid to, cuz mommy says i'm a whore. I know there's nothing i can do about that....mom is mom, and the little girl will listen to her. I accept that i will never have any chance until zoe is older to be anything more than a stranger to her. But it rips me up that mom is doing this to her.

any advice would be greatly appreciated.

thanx,

jaz

[BelizeBreeze]

I've got news for him. This child is NOT his daughter. Not legally.

And the mother can tell him to kiss her grits if he ever wants to see the child again.

Pretty lame situation huh?

[Jazmyn]

yeah, i figured. I've run across this situation before, and had been told that the father has no legal rights, because they were never married. I was afraid of that.

jaz

[stealth2]

It's not because they were never married that he has no rights - it's because he has apparently done nothing to secure them. And if you're smart, you'll stay out of his ex's way - or he'll find that he has to choose between being with you and seeing the kid.

[Jazmyn]

understood....what would he have to do to secure his rights? they have a blood test - the daughter is his. legally what must he do to secure his rights as a father?

i'll stay out of the way. it just burns my a** that she can stand there and call me names and i can say nothing.

jaz

[stealth2]

Originally Posted by Jazmyn

understood....what would he have to do to secure his rights? they have a blood test - the daughter is his. legally what must he do to secure his rights as a father?

i'll stay out of the way. it just burns my a** that she can stand there and call me names and i can say nothing.

jaz

He would need to file for paternity - a private test may not mean anything to the court, especially if the mother contests it. Then he needs to file for visitation. Preferably something that is well spelled out, rather than "reasonable" or "as agreed upon".

[Jazmyn]

Originally Posted by bleulaluna

But really think about it, is there any reason for you to have to see her? Don't go with your BF for pickups. Avoid places where you know she'll be. If BM has to come over to his house while you're there, have him go outside to do the exchange.

thanx. at this point the reason i see her is because she keeps popping up. I've avoided any situation where i knew there was a chance i'd see her...my first encounter with her was the morning after the first night i spent the night with him. She showed up, forced her way in, and asked "where is that whore", and proceeded to scream at me to get the *** out of 'her' house.

thanx for the advice. I'll pm you for that address.

jaz