Breach of my life.

[ShayLost]

I have been living with a man for the past 7-8 years. I have supported him through college, etc. I have paid all rent, all bills, transportation, entertainment, cleaned and cooked for him, and all while working a full time job, while he did nothing. (However, his tuition was paid by his parents and through his own student loans.) I woke him up every day and literally forced him to go to classes. I brought him to school or let him bring me to work and use my car to drive to classes while I was at work.

He is actually a resident of Virginia who was in college in Louisiana, and stayed with me in Louisiana for several years after college. I have always been a Louisiana resident.

For 7 years, he has promised to marry me and allow me to go to college while he works, as I have done for him. Our marriage was put off several times for different reasons. He wanted to "graduate college before we got married." He then wanted to "get a job and secure our future". Then he wanted to "secure a home for us." He had finally set a date of February 14, 2006. There have been numerous times throughout the years that he has stated to me that in his eyes, we are spiritually married already, and that he does not need a piece of paper to make it official either way.

He returned to Virginia approximately 9 months ago to look for work, supposedly because he couldn't find a "decent salary" job in Louisiana. He has been living with his parents. He also said he just did not want to continue to live in Louisiana and thought Virginia was a better place for us to be married and live. He was thinking about "our best interest." However, he has flown down here to Louisiana numerous times to spend holidays/weekends with me throughout the past 9 months. He was here just last weekend.

He has had several lower paying jobs in Virginia during the last 9 months, but recently has gotten a federal job in Virginia/DC and is making $75,000.00 per year. He has now abruptly decided that he no longer wants to be in a relationship, because due to us being together, he has missed out on his "youth" and has not been able to live a full life, as "I have". (I am a bit older than him.) He says that he supposes he wants to "have his cake and eat it too." He wants to "live the lifestyle of a single man and not having 'anyone to answer to' and have the benefits of a relationship and not actually having to be single." He swears up and down it has nothing to do with another woman, but he just doesn't want to "answer to anyone."

In anticipation of our marriage, and moving to another state, I have recently taken out a consolidation/mortgage on my home in Louisiana, in order to prepare my home to be sold and move to Virginia. He has also been applying for home loans in Virginia, and has also been using my information on credit applications as a co-signer.

My home in Louisiana was handed down to me through Louisiana succession with the death of my father. It is still half in my mother's name as well. My mortgage, which only had 8 years left to pay, has now been turned into 30 years, solely in anticipation of selling within the next 3-6 months in order to move to Virginia with him. I'm not sure if it matters, but most of the time we lived together, I was renting apartments in another city near the college he was attending. His name was on two of our leases, which both stated that he was a "tenant only" and not responsible for rent, etc.

I am now also not in the position to be able to go to college as he promised, in order to further my career and make a better living.

My life is now turned completely upside down. I am in debt that I would not have been under normal circumstances, and without the anticipation of the promises of marriage and moving into "our home" that he made. He thinks that it's ok that all the promises he made to me are now null and void, and that it is just my sole problem that I am left in the position I am in. I am trying to find out if there is anything I can do about this.

The only thing I can think of, is this being some sort of breach of verbal agreement. Neither Virginia nor Louisiana recognize common law marriages.

Any help would be appreciated.

[stealth2]

I'm afraid you may have to chalk it up as an expensive lesson.

[zippysgoddess]

Yep, breach of promise is very hard to prove because it is generally your word against his. I think you got used and just learned a very hard lesson.

[ablessin]

You enabled him to gain a college degree, get a great paying job and he enabled you to carry his weight all those years.
What a wonderful exchange.

He is a jerk, plain and simple. Just for putting it off, for this and that reason says in itself what his long term intension were.

He just was stringing you along so that he could get his degree.

Nothing you can do - but make sure your name is in no way,shape, or form used for him acquiring ANYTHING!!!!!!! Do not allow him to go out applying for crap with your name and SSN!!!!!!!! You can probably put the screws to him in smaller, subtle ways...... Google revenge - - - there are tons of funny things to do to someone. Buy this stuff called Skunk Shot and take a trip out his way (without him knowing, of course)
Have a little fun at his expense, but don't do anything illegal - you've paid enough