California :My husbands ex uses children to track us down

[Jax11]

California: Husbands ex-girlfriend is using kids to track us down.

I am currently married to a Prince who happens to have 2 beautiful kids with his ex-girlfriend. After meeting her for the first time a year ago, it was evident why he was anxious to get away from her. She is manipulative and demanding and worst of all, uses my husbands kids as a pawn against him to get her way. After continuous threats of withholding visitation from my husband, verbal abuse by phone and in person in front of the kids to inflict confrontation, we decided to move 4 cities from her and withhold our address and phone number but could be reached by pager in case of emergencies. This was to avoid any more stress of receiving heated calls at 2:00 in the morning and unexpected visits by her when the kids were over-usually ending in her taking them back to her house. When we moved we got an unlisted number, unlisted address, was careful as to not tell their mutual friends, and my husband even had the child support direct deposited from his account into his every two weeks. As it turns out she obtained our info. through some kind of agency that tracks down parents due to unpaid child support and the harrassing is starting all over again. Isn't this agency responsible for doing thorough checks on the "negligent" party before giving away our private info.? If they would have called us we would have explained the situation and provided more than accurate records, documents and statements showing child support payments every two weeks. I'm very dissapointed and am wondering what rights do we have in this matter? We're moving in 2 days and am wondering how we can protect ourselves if possible. They never went through the courts to get legal custody or establish child support, it was all upon their own discretion. Help?

[Edited by Jax11 on 02-15-2001 at 12:59 PM]

 

[LegalBeagle]

I am currently married to a Prince who happens to have 2 beautiful kids with his ex-girlfriend. After meeting her for the first time a year ago, it was evident why he was anxious to get away from her. She is manipulative and demanding and worst of all, uses my husbands kids as a pawn against him to get her way. After continuous threats of withholding visitation from my husband, verbal abuse by phone and in person in front of the kids inflict confrontation, we decided to move 4 cities from her and withhold our address and phone number but could be reached by pager in case of emergencies. This was to avoid any more stress of receiving heated calls at 2:00 in the morning and unexpected visits by her when the kids were over-usually ending in her taking them back to her house. When we moved we got an unlisted number, unlisted address, was careful as to not tell their mutual friends, and my husband even had the child support direct deposited from his account into his every two weeks. As it turns out she obtained our info. through some kind of agency that tracks down parents due to unpaid child support and the harrassing is starting all over again. Isn't this agency responsible for doing thorough checks on the "negligent" party before giving away our private info.? If they would have called us we would have explained the situation and provided more than accurate records, documents and statements showing child support payments every two weeks. I'm very dissapointed and am wondering what rights do we have in this matter? We're moving in 2 days and am wondering how we can protect ourselves if possible. They never went through the courts to get legal custody or establish child support, it was all upon their own discretion. Help?

Document everything and then haul her ass into court.

 

[angelacoleman]

I know what you mean.My husband and I have his two kids and there mother would call here to talk to them,but was very rude to me.When i tried to talk to her about this she would just hang up on me,so I wrote her a letter and asked her to stop,but it keep on so we got our number changed.In my state we have got to allow some kind of contact between the kids and her so she now has to write her kids to talk and it is alot easier for me and my husband to deal with we dont have to deal with her at all....

 

[Jax11]

husbands ex uses kids to track us down

Thank you for your response, unfortunately, she would never settle for just writing letters especially since we see them on the weekends. I hate feeling like we have no sense of privacy anymore.

 

[Ukiah]

oooppppss I did it again...

See below for reply...

[Edited by Ukiah on 02-23-2001 at 02:15 PM]

 

[Ukiah]

Just want to add a little something....

Part 1) Actually, give the mother a PO box number, this way you are not putting someone else in the middle of the situation who didn't want to be there. You will still have to put down you residential address at the school in the records (not the emergency card, but the school records)

Part 2) GET A conversation recorder as well and hook it up to each phone. Tell her you are recording her each time she calls, if you talk to her. I let the answering machine p/u, then I call my X back recording the conv. The only problem I do see with this one is that if there was an emergency, how would the father know? So I'd suggest keeping the answering machine on, when it rings, listen to it, don't answer it unless it's one of the kids or Mom saying there is an emergency. Which case, you'll have the conversation recorder on, and have the conv. on tape if it's a lie.

Part 3) Give her an email address, keep printed copies of all email conversations. When you reply, send a bcc back to yourself, and print that out as well.


Part 4) (I LIKE THIS ONE THE WAY IT IS) Document, document, document.



ALways remember, you are being your own investigator in this,that's why #4 is sooooo important! Don't get caught up in the one-up-manship games, let her make her own mistakes, and keep documenting, recording and whatever else you fell is necessary.