Can I get a restraining order against my mother?

[TheGeekess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

Can I get a restraining order against my mother?

I'm so confused as to what to do with my mother. I know that the question generally would confuse people. What? Get a restraining order against your mother?

The relationship with my mother is very complicated. I personally believe that's she mentally unstable. She's delusional and was inept as a mother. Two years ago I admitted to her that I was raped in a psychiatric hospital (that she placed me in after I attempted to run away from home) by one of the night orderlies. After this emotional exchange she simply told me, "That's not my problem. I did the best I could do as a single mother to raise you." I'm sure she didn't know how to respond, and she continuously insists that my upbringing was perfect and that she was an amazing mother. After that I decided that I needed what relationship I had with her altogether.

Thankfully I live in Ohio (I moved to live with my father when I was 16) and she lives in Texas. Right? No. My mother calls me constantly, multiple times a week or even in a day. I've changed my phone too many times to count. I've had her number blocked. I've even become estranged from most of my family because they always give her my new number. She always gets a hold of it. I had to make my Facebook completely private and go by a different name. I've blocked countless phony email addresses of hers. She always sends me gifts for my birthday and holidays. She sends me letters. She even tries to visit me. Last semester she flew up here and weaseled my class schedule out of whoever at my college through some lie (she's a pathological liar). She came to my class and demanded that I speak with her. I had to drag my mother out of school while yelling at her. Then I drove to a friend's beach house in North Carolina to hide out (and I missed an exam). I had no clue what to do. She's threatening to come visit me again for Christmas.

I need serious help and I have no clue what to do. She's my mother and in some crazy reason I still have this child-parent attachment to her so I don't want to see her hurt. However, I need to do something drastic to get her to leave me alone. I need to move on with my life, and I need her to not be a part of it until she gets help (which seems highly improbable). I want to get a restraining order to prevent all forms of contact from her. I want there to be some sort of legal ramifications for her harassing me. I've finally decided to completely sever this thought process of her being a mother to me.

Any help would be very much appreciated. This is beyond exhausting and it always brings me down. I can't move on in therapy with a lot of my issues with her constant negative influence. No matter what I try she forces her way into my life. I don't even know where to begin.

Best regards,
Justin

So you tell Mom this, get an app for your phone that will block her number(s) and move on with your life.

 

[Just Blue]

I don't think you clearly understand the situation or the severity of it.

Actually Pro likely does. But the legal reality is to make a difficult choice. Perhaps an attorney could assist you.

 

[Ohiogal]

I don't see where you could get a CPO.

 

[Just Blue]

Okay, thank you. Sorry, I'm just frustrated. So hypothetically speaking if I get to the point of an arrest warrant, that would be great. Is there any grounds that I can sue her on?

I try to ignore her as best possible. It's just really hard because she doesn't call just me, but also my father. She calls him and bugs him often as well. And his work place. Like it's embarrassing. I don't understand why she has to go through this much effort. She's just making me hate her more and more. I wish this were the early 1900's and I could just have her locked away in an asylum.

Wow. That is just creepy crazy.

 

[Proserpina]

Did I read correctly? OP's favorite option is....an asylum?

?!

 

[quincy]

Did I read correctly? OP's favorite option is....an asylum?

?!

Sort of boggles the mind, doesn't it?

I think continued therapy for jukra is necessary.

 

[Proserpina]

Sort of boggles the mind, doesn't it?

I think continued therapy for jukra is necessary.

Well, put it this way:

If we were still in the 1900s, parents were respected FAR more than their offspring. Even adult children would have played second fiddle right up until the demise of their parent/s. It would've been something of a cakewalk for Mom to have OP silenced via asylum than vice versa.

Some might argue that we need to go back to that era

 

[commentator]

I understand where you are coming from. I have had to call the police and have my mother removed from my house. Perhaps an order of protection would not be a bad thing, because for some reason, people who are stalking you like this sometimes respond respectfully toward law enforcement telling them to go away.

I bet that when you interact with your mother, you immediately start making noise like you did as a frustrated teenager, fighting with her and yelling at her and forbidding her to come around you. That's her pay off. She knows exactly how to push those buttons. But forget your childish fantasies about having her committed. As others have pointed out to you, in earlier times, you'd have been the one in the mental hospital, she's have been visiting you every day to make sure you were driven even crazier!

But the key is, by my calculations, you're over twenty one. With or without a restraining order, you do not have to associate with anyone you don't want to associate with. You do not answer her calls. You leave if she comes where you are, as in your brother's house or something. You cannot fight with your mother long enough or tell her clearly enough to make her go away and stop contacting you. You need to end the pay off or reinforcement that she's getting from this behavior. It can't be full time if she lives in one state and you live in another.

Continue with your counseling. You're going to have to be the adult in this situation. When you begin to feel sorry for your mother instead of feeling sorry for yourself for having to go through all this, for not having a normal mother like everyone else has, and for the trouble you have making everyone believe you have a crazy mother, you'll be on your way to recovery and a successful adult life, in spite of her and her constant efforts to control. That's what all this contact is, it's control issues. Oh yes I will come around and call you and see you whenever I want to!

Be extremely careful. Sometimes this ramps up to the old "I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it!" scenario. Don't leave your doors unlocked. Keep those privacy settings high. By the way, be very very sure you do not eat any of the witches' candy. DO NOT take any money or offers of help of any kind from her. And do not become physically violent with her, no matter how she is provoking you. She'd like nothing better than to have YOU put in jail for assaulting a helpless little ol' lady, just because she visited you in your dorm room or apartment. We cannot say this often enough. Continue with your personal counseling.

 

[jukra]

Did I read correctly? OP's favorite option is....an asylum?

?!

Yes. I absolutely despise my mother's existence. My overall preference would be for her to OD on all the pills she's taking and pass away leaving everyone in her path of constant destruction to be finally at peace. My mother deserves absolutely no respect as from me.

I understand where you are coming from. I have had to call the police and have my mother removed from my house. Perhaps an order of protection would not be a bad thing, because for some reason, people who are stalking you like this sometimes respond respectfully toward law enforcement telling them to go away.

I bet that when you interact with your mother, you immediately start making noise like you did as a frustrated teenager, fighting with her and yelling at her and forbidding her to come around you. That's her pay off. She knows exactly how to push those buttons. But forget your childish fantasies about having her committed. As others have pointed out to you, in earlier times, you'd have been the one in the mental hospital, she's have been visiting you every day to make sure you were driven even crazier!

But the key is, by my calculations, you're over twenty one. With or without a restraining order, you do not have to associate with anyone you don't want to associate with. You do not answer her calls. You leave if she comes where you are, as in your brother's house or something. You cannot fight with your mother long enough or tell her clearly enough to make her go away and stop contacting you. You need to end the pay off or reinforcement that she's getting from this behavior. It can't be full time if she lives in one state and you live in another.

Continue with your counseling. You're going to have to be the adult in this situation. When you begin to feel sorry for your mother instead of feeling sorry for yourself for having to go through all this, for not having a normal mother like everyone else has, and for the trouble you have making everyone believe you have a crazy mother, you'll be on your way to recovery and a successful adult life, in spite of her and her constant efforts to control. That's what all this contact is, it's control issues. Oh yes I will come around and call you and see you whenever I want to!

Be extremely careful. Sometimes this ramps up to the old "I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it!" scenario. Don't leave your doors unlocked. Keep those privacy settings high. By the way, be very very sure you do not eat any of the witches' candy. DO NOT take any money or offers of help of any kind from her. And do not become physically violent with her, no matter how she is provoking you. She'd like nothing better than to have YOU put in jail for assaulting a helpless little ol' lady, just because she visited you in your dorm room or apartment. We cannot say this often enough. Continue with your personal counseling.

I am twenty-one. The thing is, I don't really give her too much of a "pay-off". I never answer phones from numbers that I don't know. I ignore her texts. The only times I speak with her is when I'm absolutely forced to and she's forced her way into my presence. I have a small group of five really close friends and their families have basically adopted me. I've for the most part moved on. I for the most part don't acknowledge her existence. She always sends me cash gifts and I don't even open them. I take them and give them as donations somewhere. What really worries me most currently is not all of the small BS (phone calls, texts, etc.)... It's that she's threatening to physically visit me, again. That's why I want to get a restraining order, so that when she does drop in I can have her removed. I want her to face some sort of actual consequences so that she knows that this isn't okay. Like you said me yelling at her and fighting with her immaturely won't solve anything. It'll just feed into her lunacy even more.

 

[Zigner]

Continue your therapy. I wish that you find peace.

 

[Silverplum]

Yes. I absolutely despise my mother's existence. My overall preference would be for her to OD on all the pills she's taking and pass away leaving everyone in her path of constant destruction to be finally at peace. My mother deserves absolutely no respect as from me.



I am twenty-one. The thing is, I don't really give her too much of a "pay-off". I never answer phones from numbers that I don't know. I ignore her texts. The only times I speak with her is when I'm absolutely forced to and she's forced her way into my presence. I have a small group of five really close friends and their families have basically adopted me. I've for the most part moved on. I for the most part don't acknowledge her existence. She always sends me cash gifts and I don't even open them. I take them and give them as donations somewhere. What really worries me most currently is not all of the small BS (phone calls, texts, etc.)... It's that she's threatening to physically visit me, again. That's why I want to get a restraining order, so that when she does drop in I can have her removed. I want her to face some sort of actual consequences so that she knows that this isn't okay. Like you said me yelling at her and fighting with her immaturely won't solve anything. It'll just feed into her lunacy even more.

Okay.

.....

 

[jukra]

Continue your therapy. I wish that you find peace.

Thank you

 

[commentator]

Instead of keeping the cash gifts and giving them to charity, taking them to donation centers, etc. send them back to her unopened. If you keep the money, she's thinking it gives her rights. You may tell her you're not using the money yourself, that you're donating it, but in her eyes, you are. She's buying you. If she visits, which you must have talked to her recently to find out she was going to, do not let her in. You're not taking her calls. If she follows you to your residence and tries to get in, don't open the door. If she comes to your classroom, do not go out. Let them call campus security and have her removed. Do not have anything to do with her, and this also means "going out and trying to talk some sense into her."

If you are paying the rent on your home, and you call the police and ask to have this person removed, they'll come, whether or not you have a restraining order. Someone who is trying to force their way into where you live against your wishes, and will not leave and is threatening you is someone they need to deal with.

I empathize with you more than you can possibly know. I understand exactly what you mean about having very strong feelings you'd like to see your mother where she couldn't aggravate you any worse. But eventually you will realize that above all, she is always her own worst enemy, and is more miserable than she has ever made you.

 

[Proserpina]

Once again, a piece of paper is not going to stop her if she's intent on causing havoc.

As it stands, if she turns up and you tell her to leave and she refuses you call the police and they'll step in.

Wishing death on someone is not the product of a healthy mind. You obviously need to keep going with therapy. And you also need to stop perpetuating the cycle.

 

[jukra]

Instead of keeping the cash gifts and giving them to charity, taking them to donation centers, etc. send them back to her unopened. If you keep the money, she's thinking it gives her rights. You may tell her you're not using the money yourself, that you're donating it, but in her eyes, you are. She's buying you. If she visits, which you must have talked to her recently to find out she was going to, do not let her in. You're not taking her calls. If she follows you to your residence and tries to get in, don't open the door. If she comes to your classroom, do not go out. Let them call campus security and have her removed. Do not have anything to do with her, and this also means "going out and trying to talk some sense into her."

If you are paying the rent on your home, and you call the police and ask to have this person removed, they'll come, whether or not you have a restraining order. Someone who is trying to force their way into where you live against your wishes, and will not leave and is threatening you is someone they need to deal with.

I empathize with you more than you can possibly know. I understand exactly what you mean about having very strong feelings you'd like to see your mother where she couldn't aggravate you any worse. But eventually you will realize that above all, she is always her own worst enemy, and is more miserable than she has ever made you.

I understand of the first notion, but like my mother's other absurd actions she'll keep sending me the gift (I've sent them back unopened). Can I get a block on her address? On the other subject when I originally dealt with her coming to my class I wasn't able to see her restrained and taken away by security. But I understand now that calling police/security is the appropriate action not.

I really appreciate all of the advice. It's just fairly difficult when someone is so persistent. In an ideal situation living states away from her would be enough.