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11-07-2008, 04:01 AM
| | Junior Member | | Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: California
Posts: 5
| | | Changing minor child's last name
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
I had a son out of wedlock and gave him my last name. The biological father is on the birth certificate but has nothing to do with him, however, there is a child support order (not sure if it matters). I got married and have 2 kids with my husband and we all have my husband's last name so I want to change my son's last name (my maiden name) to my married name. How do I do that? And do I need "permission" from deadbeat to do so even though it's MY maiden name? Thanks in advance for any responses!!! |
11-07-2008, 06:00 AM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,737
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by ih8corporations  What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
I had a son out of wedlock and gave him my last name. The biological father is on the birth certificate but has nothing to do with him, however, there is a child support order (not sure if it matters). I got married and have 2 kids with my husband and we all have my husband's last name so I want to change my son's last name (my maiden name) to my married name. How do I do that? And do I need "permission" from deadbeat to do so even though it's MY maiden name? Thanks in advance for any responses!!! | Yes you need permission from the child's FATHER -- if he is a deadbeat YOU CHOSE HIM and maybe you should have better choice of bedmates, ya think? Anyway, a judge will not change your son's name to your married name. Sounds like you are trying to do a backdoor adoption.
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Parents should remember two things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex (or soon to be ex) and when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death parts you.
Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship. My advice is based on the law and not deemed to necessarily apply to the specifics of your case. The devil is in the details after all. |
11-07-2008, 08:25 PM
| | Junior Member | | Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: California
Posts: 5
| | | ohiogal,
I didn't ask for a lecture on how to choose my "bed mates". I simply asked a question so I can do whatever I can to assure my son that he is a part of the family and be able to share all our legal last names. And obviously, you've never heard of a man making promises he doesn't intend to keep. I suppose every woman out there can read a guy's mind and knows when he will walk away from his responsibilities. Keep your condescending remark to somebody who wants it because I certainly don't. |
11-07-2008, 08:43 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 6,093
| | | Regardless of whether you liked OhioGal's response or not, she is correct. No judge in their right mind is going to allow the child's name to change to that of your second husband.
And yes, you need the child's father's permission to change his name. If he objects (and he should) it's not going to happen.
__________________
CC's rule of life #1.2:
Parents: If you give your children the opportunity to learn how to live without you, don't be mad years from now when they do. In order to have a relationship with your children, you have to stay INVOLVED with your children. At all costs, even if it makes the CP or your kids mad. |
11-08-2008, 02:39 PM
| | Junior Member | | Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2
| | | Awful, Ignorant, People.
Wow. You just beat down a lady that finally has found happiness in her life and wants to complete her family... I hope the both of you that are so cynical and ignorant have peace and happiness in your life...and i'm sure neither of you have ever had anything but perfect decisions in your lives.
Let's start with Ohiogal...I just hope your children don't have the same cynicism as you do, you poor, battered soul.
Courtclerk...I'm astounded how you should say that the father should object to his child having a name change. After all, a deadbeat that has nothing to do with their child shouldn't have the privilege of passing on their name. He has a choice to say what name his child carries, and gets to choose not to be there for the child to love and adore, and teach and caretake. I've been blessed enough not to have a deadbeat father for my children, however, i am the daughter of a father whom i haven't seen in over 20 years--and let me tell you first hand, how happy i was when my stepfather wanted to give me his name. A man that was the only father i knew, who cared for me as his own..you both know little about what real love is and have no empathy for the idea of life and that it's not always filled with perfect decisions. shame on you both.
by the way...my mother loved my biological father and they were married for 10 years before she found out he'd been cheating for 8. Be careful how you judge. It's ignorant. Any judging i've done today is out of sheer disbelief that people like you exist. |
11-08-2008, 02:57 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Hawthorne, CA
Posts: 3,003
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by nikstory Wow. You just beat down a lady that finally has found happiness in her life and wants to complete her family... I hope the both of you that are so cynical and ignorant have peace and happiness in your life...and i'm sure neither of you have ever had anything but perfect decisions in your lives.
Let's start with Ohiogal...I just hope your children don't have the same cynicism as you do, you poor, battered soul.
Courtclerk...I'm astounded how you should say that the father should object to his child having a name change. After all, a deadbeat that has nothing to do with their child shouldn't have the privilege of passing on their name. He has a choice to say what name his child carries, and gets to choose not to be there for the child to love and adore, and teach and caretake. I've been blessed enough not to have a deadbeat father for my children, however, i am the daughter of a father whom i haven't seen in over 20 years--and let me tell you first hand, how happy i was when my stepfather wanted to give me his name. A man that was the only father i knew, who cared for me as his own..you both know little about what real love is and have no empathy for the idea of life and that it's not always filled with perfect decisions. shame on you both.
by the way...my mother loved my biological father and they were married for 10 years before she found out he'd been cheating for 8. Be careful how you judge. It's ignorant. Any judging i've done today is out of sheer disbelief that people like you exist. | CC works at a family courthouse in the courtroom. OhioGAL is an attorney. mom needs dad's permission. dad has a RIGHT to say no. not a privlege, a RIGHT. if they want to include comments from the peanut gallery that's their CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT.
according to legal perspective, dad pays child support, therefore NOT a deadbeat dad. so dad sucks at parenting, but he's still providing. if mom wants to change the child's name, she can change it to DAD'S last name.
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it's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity.
Last edited by m martin; 11-18-2008 at 05:06 PM.
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11-08-2008, 08:35 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Florida
Posts: 4,875
| | | Go to court to have the child's name changed, and it will land up being the name of the FATHER, the fella that provided half the genes for the child. Stepdad has no LEGAL rights here.
The father has a constitutional right to be a good dad, mediocre dad, or a bad dad. You chose him. Know all about promises.
Besides, what's in a name, unless you make something of it.
__________________ If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain. Maya Angelou |
11-10-2008, 09:03 PM
| | Member | | Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 51
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by ih8corporations ohiogal,
I didn't ask for a lecture on how to choose my "bed mates". I simply asked a question so I can do whatever I can to assure my son that he is a part of the family and be able to share all our legal last names. And obviously, you've never heard of a man making promises he doesn't intend to keep. I suppose every woman out there can read a guy's mind and knows when he will walk away from his responsibilities. Keep your condescending remark to somebody who wants it because I certainly don't. | Hate to say it, but you came hear for opinions, which may or may not lead to advice, trust me I think Ohiogal was putting it nicely, it could have been worse. Put it this way (just an opinion) if you decide to go 5 miles over the speed limit cause you are late for work, you get pulled over, get a ticket, pay for it and move on, its a choice you made and now your insurance is higher and you drive a bit slower, live, learn, and move on.
And please, my daughter has deadbeat dads last name, and i have another child, and married, I simply made a choice...it's called life.
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Children dont' choose their parents, so lets hope you made a good choice for them, and if you didn't, well you have the next 18 years to correct yourself.
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11-11-2008, 09:37 AM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,737
| | Quote: |
Wow. You just beat down a lady that finally has found happiness in her life and wants to complete her family...
| Her family may be complete but it has nothing to do with her last name or the last name of her children. And no one beat her down. Quote: |
I hope the both of you that are so cynical and ignorant have peace and happiness in your life...and i'm sure neither of you have ever had anything but perfect decisions in your lives.
| Hey I didn't choose a deadbeat for a father. Quote: |
Let's start with Ohiogal...I just hope your children don't have the same cynicism as you do, you poor, battered soul.
| I may be poor but I have never allowed anyone to batter me. Oh and my soul is perfectly fine, thanks very much. Quote: |
Courtclerk...I'm astounded how you should say that the father should object to his child having a name change. After all, a deadbeat that has nothing to do with their child shouldn't have the privilege of passing on their name.
| She did NOT have to give the child dad's last name when the child was born. She chose to do that. And dad has a RIGHT to have the child have his last name. Quote: |
He has a choice to say what name his child carries, and gets to choose not to be there for the child to love and adore, and teach and caretake.
| And she had a choice to wait until she was in a secure MARRIAGE before allowing herself to be impregnated. Quote: |
I've been blessed enough not to have a deadbeat father for my children, however, i am the daughter of a father whom i haven't seen in over 20 years--and let me tell you first hand, how happy i was when my stepfather wanted to give me his name. A man that was the only father i knew, who cared for me as his own..you both know little about what real love is and have no empathy for the idea of life and that it's not always filled with perfect decisions. shame on you both.
| Shame on you. Were you legally adopted or did you mother pull legal shenanigans to get your name changed without properly following the law or did your father consent to the name change? Quote: |
by the way...my mother loved my biological father and they were married for 10 years 0before she found out he'd been cheating for 8. Be careful how you judge. It's ignorant. Any judging i've done today is out of sheer disbelief that people like you exist.
| Yeah yeah yeah. HYPOCRITE. Say not to judge and then do the same thing> Aren't you such a big old ball of hypocrisy! I will agree though that you are ignorant. You know nothing of the law and that is what we are discussing.
__________________
Parents should remember two things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex (or soon to be ex) and when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death parts you.
Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship. My advice is based on the law and not deemed to necessarily apply to the specifics of your case. The devil is in the details after all. |
11-11-2008, 11:01 AM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 14,187
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohiogal Shame on you. Were you legally adopted or did you mother pull legal shenanigans to get your name changed without properly following the law or did your father consent to the name change? | The poster never said her name was actually changed...
Just that step-dad wanted her to have his name (you know...like he names a puppy or a parakeet)
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Communication is KEY - 10 mins of talking now can save you months of headaches later!
Masterfully stating the obvious to the oblivious! (Thanks SP!)
Tell it like it is! |
11-11-2008, 12:29 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,737
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by Zigner The poster never said her name was actually changed...
Just that step-dad wanted her to have his name (you know...like he names a puppy or a parakeet) | Apologies for reading that incorrectly. I read it that her name was changed. Maybe some people should just get puppies and parakeets -- then there is not usually a big legal brouhaha over names.
__________________
Parents should remember two things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex (or soon to be ex) and when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death parts you.
Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship. My advice is based on the law and not deemed to necessarily apply to the specifics of your case. The devil is in the details after all. |
11-13-2008, 04:08 PM
| | Junior Member | | Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: California
Posts: 5
| |  READ my question correctly!
I don't know what kind of "professionals" you people are, but you can't even read a question correctly. You're all too busy giving stupid criticism about my choices in life, that I haven't gotten real legal advice. And as far as Ohiogal, I really wonder what kind of a lawyer you are because if all you can do is criticize people, then I really feel bad for any clients that hire you.
First, the father may pay child support, but otherwise he is not involved, that does not make him a father, it makes him a sperm donor, and 2nd, he was forced to pay by the state, he did not do so on his own accord. And Ginny J I don't know what the heck you are talking about. Half of the kid's genes has nothing to do with him being a father, it just means that he did the deed, then cut out when he wanted to. He hasn't earned any rights except by which the state assigns to him , other than that, he hasn't done anything except contribute to creating him in the beginning. Maybe the stepdad has no legal rights, but it isn't about him at all, leave him out of this. HE deserves for my son to share his last name because he has supported him in more ways than most biological fathers out there do. As for you the "lawyer" Ohiogal, you are both rude and beligerent, I did not ask for advice so that you can go into my choices in life, and NO ONE, even in marriage, can know how things will turn out so that whole
"And she had a choice to wait until she was in a secure MARRIAGE before allowing herself to be impregnated." is both judgemental and narrow minded. The status quo of being married before having children is no guarantee of any security in life, just like the other comment by nikstory. You sound awfully ignorant for an "educated" person because I suppose you've never heard of divorce before. And shame on you people for comparing my son's name change question with naming a pet. You people are heartless and pathetic and I bet you have TONS of friends. You're all pouncing on me like starving wolves seeing fresh meat. I asked a question about whether it can be done and how, instead I get all this crap when none is warranted. As far as I am concerned, Dad has no rights, and hasnt the moment he decided to never send my son a birthday card, play catch with him, call him, talk to him, etc. That makes a deadbeat dad, not if he pays a measly sum that is mandated by the state because he has to. IF he could he wouldnt pay a cent.
So don't get high and mighty and condescending with me when you don't know the full situation or the circumstances, I asked a question, answer the question, and don't give me your extra comments which are both gratuitous and unwarranted. I am sure you all will pounce on this reply too, seeing as how you are all so obtuse to grasp what I am really trying to say. And yes, I don't want the child to be or feel separate or different, or singled out from the rest. I wanted unity in our names. Answer my question please and leave it at that. Leave your criticisms and narrow minded, draconian mentalities to yourself. My questions did not deserve such a harsh response. |
11-13-2008, 04:12 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: CO
Posts: 13,108
| | Feel free to hire an attorney to give you the answers you want, and in the manner you demand. Quote:
Originally Posted by ih8corporations I don't know what kind of "professionals" you people are, but you can't even read a question correctly. You're all too busy giving stupid criticism about my choices in life, that I haven't gotten real legal advice. And as far as Ohiogal, I really wonder what kind of a lawyer you are because if all you can do is criticize people, then I really feel bad for any clients that hire you.
First, the father may pay child support, but otherwise he is not involved, that does not make him a father, it makes him a sperm donor, and 2nd, he was forced to pay by the state, he did not do so on his own accord. And Ginny J I don't know what the heck you are talking about. Half of the kid's genes has nothing to do with him being a father, it just means that he did the deed, then cut out when he wanted to. He hasn't earned any rights except by which the state assigns to him , other than that, he hasn't done anything except contribute to creating him in the beginning. Maybe the stepdad has no legal rights, but it isn't about him at all, leave him out of this. HE deserves for my son to share his last name because he has supported him in more ways than most biological fathers out there do. As for you the "lawyer" Ohiogal, you are both rude and beligerent, I did not ask for advice so that you can go into my choices in life, and NO ONE, even in marriage, can know how things will turn out so that whole
"And she had a choice to wait until she was in a secure MARRIAGE before allowing herself to be impregnated." is both judgemental and narrow minded. The status quo of being married before having children is no guarantee of any security in life, just like the other comment by nikstory. You sound awfully ignorant for an "educated" person because I suppose you've never heard of divorce before. And shame on you people for comparing my son's name change question with naming a pet. You people are heartless and pathetic and I bet you have TONS of friends. You're all pouncing on me like starving wolves seeing fresh meat. I asked a question about whether it can be done and how, instead I get all this crap when none is warranted. As far as I am concerned, Dad has no rights, and hasnt the moment he decided to never send my son a birthday card, play catch with him, call him, talk to him, etc. That makes a deadbeat dad, not if he pays a measly sum that is mandated by the state because he has to. IF he could he wouldnt pay a cent.
So don't get high and mighty and condescending with me when you don't know the full situation or the circumstances, I asked a question, answer the question, and don't give me your extra comments which are both gratuitous and unwarranted. I am sure you all will pounce on this reply too, seeing as how you are all so obtuse to grasp what I am really trying to say. And yes, I don't want the child to be or feel separate or different, or singled out from the rest. I wanted unity in our names. Answer my question please and leave it at that. Leave your criticisms and narrow minded, draconian mentalities to yourself. My questions did not deserve such a harsh response. |
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"Judges want people to be reasonable. Where one parent won't be reasonable, judges still want the other parent to remain reasonable." Ford, at The Other Place
Last edited by m martin; 11-18-2008 at 05:09 PM.
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11-13-2008, 04:55 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Hawthorne, CA
Posts: 3,003
| | | OP needs dad's permission, end of story.
i would love to attend a court hearing where OP TRIES to give this speech to a judge. shoot, that would be fun.
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it's not about how much baggage you have, it's about whether or not you can carry your own baggage with grace and dignity.
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11-13-2008, 09:26 PM
| | Senior Member | | Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: The Heart o' Dixie
Posts: 1,806
| | Quote:
Originally Posted by ih8corporations What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA
I had a son out of wedlock and gave him my last name. The biological father is on the birth certificate but has nothing to do with him, however, there is a child support order (not sure if it matters). I got married and have 2 kids with my husband and we all have my husband's last name so I want to change my son's last name (my maiden name) to my married name. How do I do that? And do I need "permission" from deadbeat to do so even though it's MY maiden name? Thanks in advance for any responses!!! | Short answer: No, you cannot do that. No, you cannot do that. It doesn't matter why, you cannot change a child's name without permission from the NCP, deadbeat or otherwise.
As for your last little remark...  You really showed your gratitude, didn't you? Guess you didn't know that the other responses you received were pretty much what would happen in a court.
__________________ Actions have consequences. Remember Newton's Third Law of Motion in everything you do.  | |
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