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Thread: Child Custody

  1. #1
    BIL FOWLER Guest

    Question Child Custody

    What is the name of your state? sc

    Does anyone know at what age a child in South Carolina can go before a judge and ask to live with one parent or the other? My ex wife and I share joint 50-50 custody of our 11 year old son. However he would like to come stay with me more, as much as possible, actually. He has told many people this, so I am reasonably sure he is basing it on his own feelings. I would really love such a change, as we always have great times together and I feel that I put many times more effort into his education, sports , health and general recreation. There is a lot of fussing at her house. At her home he gets yelled at and threatened with spankings and other forms of non physical punishment for simply asking for help on every day needs. She has to be forced to take him to any sports more than once a week, she yells when he asks for help on home work or to go outside and play. He hates it at her home. I have a solid income, do not drink or smoke and spend tons of my time with one of the greatest ,brightest and kindest kids on earth! I am single and she married the guy she commited adultry with. What should we do folks? Do we need to wait until he is 12 or 13? Would dss be an option, do we even have a reasonalbe chance or will this have to remain a joint custody life for him? Which, by the way, I am all for in cases where both parents are doing a good job of child raising.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2001

    Sc generally allows the child to state a preference after the age of 12, but in no way does that mean the court will go with the child's preference and in no way is the child's being age 12 a reason to seek a change in custody.

    Parents must be realistic in evaluating what the child says. I found your statements slightly amusing as your statements refect what is commonly called 'Disney World Dad syndrome'. I believe if you search this forum through its entirity, you won't see a mother seeking a change in custody so she can take the child to more recreational events or increase sports events to more than once a week. That's simply not grounded in the reality of what it takes to be a full-time parent.

    Your child lives at home with his mother, where chances are he behaves like any normal child, creating his own circumstances for which the mother has to intervene with discipline, refuse to help with delayed homework, and refuse to take an 11 year old to more than one sports event per week. Living with a preteen on a daily, this is your home, I am the parent, basis is quite different than being the away from home, away from daily life, parent, and allows you to elevate your child to hero status versus little boy status.

    You also have stated no grounds to call DSS, and I don't believe you have stated any reasonable grounds to seek a change in custody other than you would like to have custody, and I believe the court's doors would be open to hear such a motion. Whether or not they grant a change in custody will remain a mystery until the judge issues his or her ruling.

    Oh, I know--it's not like that at all in your home or in your life. The adultrous ex-wife is Satan reincarnated and she could not possibly be a good mother and you have all the evidence to prove it and I have no valid comments or any idea of what I am talking about. Just the same, having this child in your home 24/7 instead of on visitation with a buddy, pal, sports enthusiast, will definitely find you yelling at the boy, refusing to help with homework, and sending him to entertain himself somewhere not under your feet and creating havoc in the house. Children are children, everywhere the same.

  3. #3
    BIL FOWLER Guest

    Thumbs down Your female bias got in the way of comprehension

    Sorry,, I have joint custody and I already do most of the child raising tasks. I have him for a week at a time , every other week. I do not see her as evil, simply non caring, based on the opinion of several. Her little girl hurt herself on purpose and told the doctor that this was because of mom. My son gets no help on homework , though he is never slack in starting it- Highest GT scores in the state, thank you very much, miss biased. The sporting event I am talking about is his own practice and I made that clear enough. She will barely take him to any of his own sports practices. Did you not get the part about helping vs. being griped at for barely asking to do something beneficial.
    I did not mention that I have already raisedkids. I know exactly what it is to be a parent and to tell someone hwho is cumpulsively disloyal to hit the road. Take that to Disney!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    [QUOTE]You also have stated no grounds to call DSS, and I don't believe you have stated any reasonable grounds to seek a change in custody other than you would like to have custody, and I believe the court's doors would be open to hear such a motion. Whether or not they grant a change in custody will remain a mystery until the judge issues his or her ruling.

    OK, Mr. Perfect (since we are assigning each other pet names)--what part of ...I don't believe you have stated any reasonable grounds to seek a change in custody other than you would like to have custody, and I believe the court's doors would be open to hear such a motion....in your world translates to MOMS RULE; ONLY MOMS NEED TO HAVE CUSTODY? In English, the above quoted paragraph means what it says..if you want to file for custody, go ahead, I believe the court will hear your case and no one can guess the outcome; it's up to the judge.

    You mentioned your adultrous wife--irrelevant.
    You mentioned she married the man with whom she committed adultry--irrelevant.

    "She has to be forced to take him to any sports more than once a week"---irrelevant as it pertains to custody; relevant, you are interfering with her custody and time if you are the one 'forcing her'--you have no right to tell her what to do, none, zero.

    "I have a solid income, do not drink or smoke and spend tons of my time with one of the greatest ,brightest and kindest kids on earth!"--irrelevant, unless this is a change in you since the original order.

    "Highest GT scores in the state"--irrelevant; like 2000-4000 other kids in the state (just ask their parents); and what a testament to the mother as well as to the kid.

    "someone hwho is cumpulsively disloyal "--irrelevant.

    I knew when you mentioned her adultry that unless someone posted--"yeah, man go for the kid--not but one sports event (practice a week), yelling at the kid--yeah, go take the kid man! woof, woof, woof (punching fist in the air); and call DSS, too man--go get that bitch" that you would answer just like you did; that's why I put that paragraph in there, so I could look back at it, and say to myself, "yep".

    A lot of people who post questions on this forum have some serious issues, and serious problems for which they need help. You have no problem worth posting on this forum. You have wasted space and time.

    Go ahead--make my day--show me how mad and retaliatory you are.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    I only have one comment here....

    Calling DSS will not automatically guarantee you will get the child,(read these forums and see how parents are trying to get their children out of the system) DSS can do what they want with the child if they see abuse.... and once the child is in the system, you have a whole new set of problems,..... The only reason you should call DSS is if the child is in danger from the other parent.

    .and I do agree children do play one against the other at times in their lives.... they are smart little cookies sometimes.... not doubting he gets yelled at but most kids do,
    I am the mean one between me and my ex, but they do not cuss in front of me or tell me NO, and respect me more then they do their dad.... he’s to busy trying to make them happy and being their “FRIEND” then he is trying to be a parent and forgets that discipline is a necessary tool in raising a child... not saying your doing this, its just my opinion/view on how children and some parents work...

  6. #6
    BIL FOWLER Guest

    Smile Just trying to help

    I have had joint custody for 8 years. I am not bragginh here , but in order to defend myself I think I deserve to say a few mre things and then I am moving on with my life. I am by no means perfect and I know that there are many ladies out there who make great single moms. Most of them have to overcome tremendous obstacles to do so. I wish that it were not so. the only thing that I really wanted to find ou a little more about was weather or no0t folks felt that I might have a shot at child custody for the folling reasons. 1- My son has requested it many times.2- I would love it, but only because of the negative situation at her house3- I have kept him 50% of the time and I maintain more discipline, spend many hours a day with my son, educating him(I am an ex teacher and now a professional sports instructor) and enhancing his health and fortitude by taking him to tennis, baseballetc, as we have time for. He is a kind and intelligent young man. Actually his test scores are completely off the charts, No exageration. Being smart and athletic makes life at her house hard on him vecause there is very little support for these skille, at her house. She does not help with school work, nor does she take him to practice more than once or twice a month and when she does she cuts him down miserably, never brags on him and usually tries to mess him up . She ahs done this to him and to her daughter by a previous boyfriend. If she would offer even minimal support, stop fussing and cursing aand threatening all of the time, help with his school work, perhaps by giving him access to their computer every once in a while, then I would not be worried about trying to get him full time. You see , there is no hate here. I do not put her down around him. I treat her with respect. The things you think are on my agenda are not. I only want to make sure he is safe and gets a fair chance. If you read this note and see otherwise then, well , sorry, I only want to know more about weather a judge would think as I do that he deserves a chance to develop his skills and take advantage of his natural resources. HOw can yelling at him for asking for help on homework, cutting him down, never, ever saying I love you, never hugging him- I mean never, cursing at her husband in front of him and telling him he not so smart and not so good at sports- how is any of that like anything you folks exhibit. You are probably great parents, I do not believe she is even a good one and therefore I am seeking a way to help my son learn how to succeed in life- before she crushes more of his dreams and makes more of his life miserable and this is by his request andd frankly, counselors agree that she does not take interest in his life and that the situation at her house is not a good one. It could be worse, I know this. Now I will take up no more space here. It is all yours. Hope everything works out for you and your kids.Bye

  7. #7
    lastname Guest

    Thumbs up Keep Trying

    I believe you may have a chance. My husband and I are going through the same thing right now with his son. His mother continously puts him down and fails to assist him with any outside schoolwork.

    I am not disagreeing that children play each parent against each other, but what I do believe is that some parents are not meant to be parents.

    When my step son asks his mother for any assistance with homework, she states she has no time, but yet my step son clearly sees her assisting her other son. I am not going by my step sons own accounts of these matters. I have been told by many co-workers of his mother that this is clearly true. An example I will give is, my husband's ex would rather take her son to work with her all day, then to have my husband or myself care for him.

    I believe you should continue to fight for custody of your son, because you never know if you dont try. Best of luck.

  8. #8
    BIL FOWLER Guest

    Smile Thanks

    I am sorry about you all having to go through a simular situation. I feel sorry for your little guy. How can you not want to help kids, they are so precious and so fun! Good luck with yours and you can bet that I will try to do the best for mine. Keep in touch and I will also let you all know how things go here.

  9. #9
    lastname Guest

    Smile Keep Trying


    I wish you the best of luck with your son. I will pray for your situation as I know the Lord has a plan for all of us.

    We are currently enjoying our last week of vacation with my step son and he seems to be so happy. I informed you of some situations that have occurred during the four years that I have known my step son and my husbands ex but believe me, I would not wish this on anyone.

    I just wish we had more time to spend with him, other than the one week day and every other week end we get with him. It is so bad that when my step son has a day off from school on a Thursday, we must return him to day care the next morning at 9am instead of keeping the child with myself or my husband while the mother works. She does this out of spite because she knows that it hurts my husband. And what she is failing to realize is that it is also hurting her son, the one she states she loves so dearly.

    One more example of our story includes my step sons birthday party. I attempted to give his ex the benefit of the doubt by inviting her to her sons birthday party, put on by my husband and I. She showed up and when the party was ending she told her son that he should go home with her because his brother may steal his pokemon cards, which was the present she brought to the party. Another factor added to this story, was that my step son came back to our residence and told my husband and I that he was having a birthday party at his moms home but myself nor my husband were invited. It made my step son upset, that we could not be present at his party.

    It just goes to show you that not all fathers are dead beats. His ex even went as far as to have her friends call my house from different areas of our city, just to see who answered the telephone. After having our telephones tapped twice, we have since added privacy manager to our telephone and have had no problems with her hanging up. It is sad that we had to incur an extra expense, to stop a person from harrassing us by using her telephone.

    Again, please keep me updated as I will do the same. And I wish you and your son the best of luck.

  10. #10
    BIL FOWLER Guest
    I was saddened to read about the tribulations your son and your family are going through. How old is he? Perhaps one day he will want to stay with you all and will be old enough to tell the judge and make it stick!! Your husband's ex has a real problem. She is obviously spitful, vengeful and self centered. My ex- lies to my son a lot and does not give him much opportunity for stimulus but she is not as outwardly mean as your's sounds. I am not re -married though and that would definetely hav put her over the deep end, even though she does not love and never did. - It was a money thing she said.
    Does your step son dread going over there, to her house. I guess his brother moderates the situation somewhat. My little boy actually hates going over there and he does not trust people now. He is especially learly of females and nothing I say tends to nullify this attitude. He is almost 11 and I am hoping that he will start to llike to talk to girls soon. Nice girls can add so much to your life and he is so gentle and caring that I am sure he will eventually want to have girls as friends. He is very intelligent. Evidentily he is extremely gifted- according to tests and he seems so. I was a teacher for 12 years and he seems very bright- I taught some awesome kids in the past. I weould be glad if he just turns out to be mature and good hearted. So much to overcome to get there.

  11. #11
    lastname Guest
    My step son is 9 yrs old. And the answer about going over to her house is yes, he resents her talking negative about my husband or me. He stated to me the other day that he told his mother that he wishes for his father to coach his soccer team and her response to him was that she did not want to hear that out of his mouth again and if she did he would get disciplined and sent to his room. I believe him because I have met some of her aquaintances from her work that have told me the same thing. Sometimes he talks about hurting her because she does not allow him to have any contact with us at all other than our days of visitation.

    Sometimes he wonders why he can not attend sporting events with us, even though I try very hard to do it on the days we have him. The answer is she will not allow us to switch any days as it was evident from my first reply to you. Remember we had to go into court to have my step son be our ring bearer for our wedding. She has been through many boyfriends since my husband has left her. Remember they have been apart for 6 years. This woman went so far as to have her friends, with whom I know now through my employment service, to contact my home and hang up just to see who answered. I have tried to be reasonable with this lady and be a friend but I am sick of being hurt and seing my step son hurt by her.

    She tells her oldest son, whom is from another relationship, that he would not be able to get the toys and things he gets if it werent for the support money from my step son and that he should be thankful. The latest news was that my step sons grandmother, his mothers mom, called him an a**hole and he told his mother and she had to apologize. What kind of role model is that? The grandmother gets more visitation than my husband. She is very evil and a very hateful person. She does not like men and I believe will never like them. She doesnt even know who her real father is nor does her mother know.

    I am very scared that she is going to start more games now that I am pregnant. She already has my step son believing that we wont continue to pick him up after the baby is born, which is totally untrue. I want to make my step son a part of the babies life. She can not have anymore children and resents the fact that he will have siblings at our home. I just wish she would find somebody that would make her as happy as I am. One more thing, this woman does not supply clothes nor does she pay for his lunch money and she gets $463/mth. I complained to the Friend of the Court but they told me that my husband needs to get a Parental Cooperation Order even though he has a current Consent Order. I believe the court system doesnt think of the child first, but yet they tell you to think of the child.

    There are many more things that this woman does, but I dont want to bore you with our life story. I will continue to pray that one day my step son will have his voice heard. One thing that I continue to instill in my step son, is that God listens and prayer does work.

    Best of luck with your child. Please keep in touch

  12. #12
    BIL FOWLER Guest
    Wow, she is sick with envy and hatred. The grandmother is the root of the problem and there is no changing them. God has his ways.

    I know it is hard to do, but I think it wise to avoid countering the negative with more of the same. Sounds like you are trying to do that , for the little boy's sake.

    If he is 9 now , perhaps by 11 or 12 you can do something. In Sc drinking and boyfriends spending the night or , openly touching sexually, is not often tolerated by the court. If that is the case, you have some ammunition with wich to help your step son. He needs to be around folks that can teach him how to love others. I try to write everything that happens down and periodically we go to visit a psychologist, who records my sons's replies to questions about how things are at both homes and how he feels. Indeed, prayor is best.

  13. #13
    lastname Guest

    Unhappy Counseling

    My step son has been seeing a psychologist but through his mother only. He comes home to our residence and informs us of these visits and tells us that he feels that he is not saying things in confidence because the door is open alittle bit and his mother is right outside the door. He is very scarred of his mother and scarred of the repricutions that come along with telling her about the good things that we do at our residence, even after she asks about the activities.

    My step son has also seen a psychologist at his school and I have met and introduced myself to her on a few occassions. She was asking him about cub scouts and he told the school counselor that he wished to not be involved in that extra cirricular activity but his mother does so anyway. I truly believe that one day his voice will be heard in court.

    I do not wish for a child to feel spite or even dislike one parent, but if a parent continues to do as she does, she is only making her own bed. Then she will have to lay in it. We are talking about a woman who states I am harassing her at her work, when reality she contacts my place of employment and even goes so far as to fax letters to my place of employment. After this happened, I contacted her supervisor and made him aware of it. I guess after that happened, she got so upset that she wanted him to write a letter to my boss stating that I did the same with her, when reality I NEVER have nor have I ever.

    I am just thankful that the prank calls and hang ups have ceased since we signed up with Privacy Manager. It is so nice but yet sad that we have to incur another extra monthly expense because someone cant act like an adult. The sad thing is that this woman is 11 yrs my senior.

    I am looking to go back to get my Masters degree soon and while I am doing that I will be substitute teaching in the local area. I believe that would be a good thing for me to meet the staff at my step sons school on a professional level. Perhaps, they would not believe everything that comes out of this womans mouth.

    Again, best of luck and please keep me posted with your son.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    You won't like this, but you are overstepping your role and your rights as a step-parent. You have no rights as far as your step children are concerned and you have no rights with the ex-wife. If you do not change your attitude and your direction of involvement, you are likely to find yourself before a judge hearing a judge tell you just what I have told you.
    The psychologist who discusses anything concerning your stepchildren with you is violating patient confidentiality unless there is written authorization by the father and the mother.

    This poor child is a weapon and a pawn in a horrible game of who-has-the-man-and-power-now?; and you are the one who needs to put the game away.

    This child needs to be a child and can not be one when he has to be a weapon and a pawn. Children in these situations develop abnormal senses of empowerment over their parents, including step-parents. This child has already learned what to say to you, what to say to Dad, and what to say to Mom.

    This is not fair to the child.

    All of you adults with inflated opinions of yourselves, and I do mean Mr. Fowler, are doing your children grave injustices all in the self-righteous name of I am perfect and my ex is trash. You know, you had a child, or children, with this trash, so exactly what does that say about you?

    Put the children first and yourselves last and you will be surprized at how fast your problems disappear.

  15. #15
    lastname Guest

    Wink Get your facts straight first please

    I want to first start off by saying to you, please get your facts straight before pointing blame onto others.

    You state in your comment that "The psychologist who discusses anything concerning your stepchildren with you is violating patient confidentiality" makes no sense to me. Could you please explain? Because as I stated earlier, my step son informs us of his recent visits to a psychologist and his feeling that his information is not being kept confidential to his doctor. So I have no idea what direction you are attempting to take with this.

    And your comment about me overstepping my role and rights as a step parent are ludicrist. This child is treated as a child and part of our family at our residence and I will not change that. You have no idea what this mother does and says to this child. Do I have to remind you that this mother informed a young boy that when he addresses his father to address him by his first name in person and on gifts. This woman has even went so far as to visit my home town, which is 2 hrs away, and attempt to have my family and I investigated. FOR WHAT???

    This mother takes certain treats to soccer events so that he will come over and sit by her. I know this as a fact. She goes to her work and boasts about these things.

    As far as me being the one who needs to put the game away now is ridiculous? I am not the one who is playing the son as a game, so again please get the facts straight first. If you have some extra time, perhaps some day I can give you this information and then perhaps you would then change your tune.

    I began this conversation with Mr. Fowler, with whom I sent encouragement. I told him to continue to fight for what is right and if he believed that was having his son live with him, then so be it.

    Are you divorced with children? You see, I cant understand whole heartedly how these children feel because I guess I am a minority- I am from a family with parents who have been married 33 yrs this year, and that you get married first and then have children. I guess it is too easy to get married and get divorced these days, no one seems to realize the heartbreak it causes these children.

    I attempt to give my step son a normal life and structure while he is at our residence and for that I pray to God.

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