Child Name Change

[Shambo]

I live in NY.

My child does not have her father's last name and I would like to change that. She has always had the name of the man I am with since she was born. Her real father has never been in her life. She has only seen him about 3 times and she doesn't remember him. She calls the one I'm with Daddy.

I want to make things right. Even though we have always been together and he treats her like his own child, I want her to know the real truth.

So how do I go about changing her name legally. I recently learned that her real father is imprisoned in another state (California). Would I have to get a paternity test done and would it be difficult to do since he's imprisoned?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

[Blue Meanie]

How old is this child?

[Shambo]

She is 9 yrs old (will be 10 in Nov.)

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by Shambo

She is 9 yrs old (will be 10 in Nov.)

Does she KNOW that the man you are with is NOT her father? Have you ever filed to establish paternity? Are there any court orders?

[AHA]

Originally Posted by Shambo

I live in NY.

My child does not have her father's last name and I would like to change that. She has always had the name of the man I am with since she was born. Her real father has never been in her life. She has only seen him about 3 times and she doesn't remember him. She calls the one I'm with Daddy.

I want to make things right. Even though we have always been together and he treats her like his own child, I want her to know the real truth.

So how do I go about changing her name legally. I recently learned that her real father is imprisoned in another state (California). Would I have to get a paternity test done and would it be difficult to do since he's imprisoned?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

She doesn't HAVE to have her name changed in order for you to tell her the truth.

[Shambo]

So this is where it gets hard. She knew of her father when she was much younger. She only saw him like 3 times, but now those memories have gone. I have never spoken of him to her again, because he would always appear and then disappear and I felt she would have been hurting the older she got. She saw him last when she was 4 years old.

Now I am also feeling guilty because I know I never helped to keep that part of her alive. So now she thinks the man I've been with since she was born is her father and she remembers nothing of her real father.

I am trying to make things right before she gets any older.

I have never done a paternity test as there was no doubt in our minds (i.e biological father, the man I'm with and me) as to who's the father. However, since I'm trying to get a name change, I figure I would have to do a paternity test.

Also, there has never been any court orders as he has never really been around. For the last 5 years, I never knew where he was. He was always able to contact me as I told him that I would not stop him from being a part of his child's life. However, it was always difficult to find him.

Now, I definitely know where he is. He was (unfortunately) convicted of a crime and has been sentenced to 17 yrs in prison. It's sad that it is under these circumstances that she is going to know him (She knows nothing now), but I don't want to keep this from her for the rest of her life and I don't want to wait until she gets older as I think it only makes things worse.

I do need to personal advice (maybe family counseling), but first I need some LEGAL ADVICE, PLEASE!

[Shambo]

Telling her the truth is not the problem. It's just a part of doing the right thing, which I'm trying to do.

[ShyCat]

Does your daughter want to change her last name? It's been her name for almost 10 years, so unless she really wants to change it for whatever reasons she might have, I'd recommend you drop it. Changing her name against her wishes may somehow make you feel better (why, I have no idea) but it would surely cause bigger issues.