Cohabitation Extortion

[atWitzEnd]

(question pertains to New Jersey)

I'm trying to resolve a very frustrating situation, and would appreciate suggestions.

This relates to cohabitation, not marriage/divorce. My ex and I were together for 3 years, the last year cohabitating full time in a rental property. We are both in our 40's. She decided to end the relationship this past March, but left things in "limbo" in terms of reconciliation. I was the one to move out, as her name is on the lease, kids in school there, etc. Because of logistics, and the fact that my home town is half way across the country, I had to leave 99% of my belongings temporarily behind (which was fine with her).

After several months of long distance separation with her maintaining contact all along, she suddenly announced that she was done and I would need to get my things out of there. Fair enough. Through this point, we had remained cordial and amicable with a very mature dynamic. That was our last phone call, and everything since has been e-mail. I sent a single sentence stating I would be making arrangements, and would let her know when I could do this move (remember, I'm half way across the country).

I'm still stunned, but she flipped out. She works in the legal field by trade (but has been unemployed for quite some time), and has several connections. She sent me an e-mail stating she has been 'advised' to hold my belongings as collateral for some undisclosed period of time, and for some unknown dollar amount - for the purpose of being 'reimbursed' for general life expenses during the time we were together. Also stated the eventual sale of my things. In other words... extortion. As I stated, we had always been amicable, and our relationship never contained abuse or infidelity. She has no reason to be suddenly so vindictive and irrational.

I already know that she has no legal basis for any of this. There was no contract or cohabitation agreement (as per her state's requirements for any civil claim), and no contractual purchases (cars, mortgages, etc) of any sort. I'm also aware that her denying me reasonable access to my belongings violates at least one civil and two criminal statutes.

My question is - is there a simple way for me to retrieve my belongings? I have to jump through a lot of hoops just to arrange the logistics, and am currently unemployed and without funds to pursue any legal battle. I really don't see the reason for a fight (I still don't understand what she's doing), and wanted this to go amicably, say goodbye, and move on with our lives, but that doesn't look likely at this point. Do I just show up there with a cop?

Help!What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

[xylene]

Do I just show up there with a cop?

Yep.

That sounds like the first step.

[atWitzEnd]

I'll have one shot at this, as I have to arrange for a truck, and this will be an almost 2,000 mile round trip journey. Would simply having a cop show up with me guarantee I would be able to gain full access to complete this move? We're talking about 1/2 the items in a 6 bedroom house...

[Zigner]

Originally Posted by atWitzEnd

I'll have one shot at this, as I have to arrange for a truck, and this will be an almost 2,000 mile round trip journey. Would simply having a cop show up with me guarantee I would be able to gain full access to complete this move? We're talking about 1/2 the items in a 6 bedroom house...

Half the items in a six bedroom house? How do you intend to prove ownership of these items?

I think you've got much bigger problems. I wouldn't plan on getting much of your stuff back and I'd plan on suing the ex for the value of what you can prove is yours.

[atWitzEnd]

I could probably prove ownership of at least some of the more valuable items, but the rest... I don't know. As I mentioned, this vindictiveness is unprovoked and not of her usual character, so I simply don't know to what extent she would pursue this. My only response thus far has been one business-like e-mail indicating that she, a) has no valid civil claim, and b) is violating civil and criminal laws by refusing me access to my belongings (with cite to the relevant statutes).

If it were to escalate from this point, how would I pursue the criminal complaint from out of state? The most applicable falls under the Domestic Violence Act for her state. I do hope it doesn't come to that, as I believe this is more of a "game", but would like to know my options.

[Zigner]

Originally Posted by atWitzEnd

I could probably prove ownership of at least some of the more valuable items, but the rest... I don't know. As I mentioned, this vindictiveness is unprovoked and not of her usual character, so I simply don't know to what extent she would pursue this. My only response thus far has been one business-like e-mail indicating that she, a) has no valid civil claim, and b) is violating civil and criminal laws by refusing me access to my belongings (with cite to the relevant statutes).

If it were to escalate from this point, how would I pursue the criminal complaint from out of state? The most applicable falls under the Domestic Violence Act for her state. I do hope it doesn't come to that, as I believe this is more of a "game", but would like to know my options.

This is NOT domestic violence. Perhaps you should rent a storage unit close to her and find a local place to rent a truck. That would make it easier to retrieve your belongings at a mutually convenient time. THEN you can arrange the cross-country trek.

[atWitzEnd]

As I read the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act for NJ, it specifically encompasses "Criminal Mischief" (which clearly covers stealing, damaging, or selling my belongings without my permission). Sort of a civil/criminal combo.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Zigner

This is NOT domestic violence. Perhaps you should rent a storage unit close to her and find a local place to rent a truck. That would make it easier to retrieve your belongings at a mutually convenient time. THEN you can arrange the cross-country trek.

This is very good advice. Its a less expensive way to get your things out of her house and under your control, until you are truly ready for the cross country trek.

[atWitzEnd]

That may be one possible logistic solution, but as of this point in time, she's claiming legal possession of my things. Just showing up there isn't going to lead to anything but bad things - and a police escort on my part will only keep the peace, and not guarantee me access or ability to remove anything.

I wonder if I can get the ring back. LOL.

[Zigner]

Originally Posted by atWitzEnd

That may be one possible logistic solution, but as of this point in time, she's claiming legal possession of my things. Just showing up there isn't going to lead to anything but bad things - and a police escort on my part will only keep the peace, and not guarantee me access or ability to remove anything.

I wonder if I can get the ring back. LOL.

You *may* be able to recover the items that you have proof of ownership for. The rest you'll have to go to court over.

[atWitzEnd]

Thanks for the replies. I have much to consider.

It just seems so inconceivable to me that a Paralegal, at the supposed advice of an attorney, would think it "legally correct" (her exact words) to assume possession as "collateral" for... basically... 'give me money'. This is simply extortion to me, but hey - I'm not a lawyer, so I'm here.

[Dogmatique]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

This is very good advice. Its a less expensive way to get your things out of her house and under your control, until you are truly ready for the cross country trek.

(Sorry, I'm not meaning to hijack)

Would the girlfriend be able to claim OP had abandoned (in the legal sense) his belongings?

[atWitzEnd]

She could *claim* anything, however I do have the exchange of e-mails which shows the her change from making arrangements for this move to this sudden extortion thing.

[Dogmatique]

Originally Posted by atWitzEnd

She could *claim* anything, however I do have the exchange of e-mails which shows the her change from making arrangements for this move to this sudden extortion thing.

Yeap - I went through something similar though. My ex was agreeable to my belongings being there for about 3 months (I was cross-country to begin with), but when his new girlfriend moved in during the 4th month of our separation he informed me via certified letter that he considered my belongings abandoned.

A little different of a situation perhaps, but still I'd hope that your ex doesn't do the same thing.

[atWitzEnd]

Did you just let it go, or were you able to retrieve your belongings? I find it hard to believe someone can just declare possession or abandonment without just cause.