dangerous mother problem

[Chuck01234]

I’ve got a situation where an excessively controlling and unstable mother is willing to do anything and everything to prevent her 18 year old daughter from making any choice of her own. Both the mother and daughter have permanent green cards for the U.S., they were born in China, moved to England, and now live in Illinois. Their husband/step-father is a U.S. citizen. The daughter now wants to move to Pennsylvania to further her college education free of control with my support. I’m her future fiancee. We’ve visited each other a few times without her mother knowing, however she’s recently told her mother of her plan. Her mother of course went ballistic, threatening to lock her up in a mental ward, kick her out of the house, drop all financial support for college, etc etc. When that failed to persuade her, her mother threatened to do police checks on me (which I don’t mind, I’ve never gotten so much as a parking ticket) and report her daughter as a missing person to have me arrested as a kidnapper, even though she knows exactly where and why her daughter is going.
The mother has history of enforcing do-or-die ultimatums, this is nothing new but now that the daughter is 18 it’s a whole new ballpark. My questions are these…

the mother forced her daughter into a mental ward when she was 15-16 against the daughter’s will and the will of the hospital, they didn’t want to admit her but the mother persisted. The intent of this was a scare tactic, "Do as I say or else…" at 18, can she legally be forced back even though she’s perfectly sane, rational, etc.?

Is the mother at all obligated to care for or fund her daughter at this point or can she legally kick her out without so much as a dollar?

Knowing that she intends to file a false missing persons report, what can I do to beat her to the punch and either prevent that or make it null? I was thinking of just telling the local police of the situation so they would have it on file if the missing persons report came around. Any other ideas?

It wouldn’t surprise me at all if the mother decided to come all the way out to Pennsylvania and start slamming on the door, it’s a worst case scenario but I might as well consider it. In this event, is there any risk of her taking "custody" of an 18 year old (19 by the time that would come about) or would she legally amount to nothing more than a trespasser?

 

[stealth2]

Your girlfriend's 18 (WTF is this "future fiancee" thing?). She is an adult. Time for her to act like one, or be Mommy's baby forever.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

. . . and you WANT to marry into this family? Pal, no one else is the nutbag, but you.

IAAL

 

[stealth2]

My response:

. . . and you WANT to marry into this family? Pal, no one else is the nutbag, but you.

IAAL

Unless, of course, he prefers his "future fiancee" to be compliant and controllable - as she's shown she can be - w/o Mommy's interference.

 

[Chuck01234]

I found this page by typing "legal advice forum" in Google. Just to make sure, I also typed "moral advice forum," "pop psych 101 training forum," and "psychological advice forum." This page didn’t show up for any of them, so how about answering the questions and if you wish to give advice on morals or sharpen your teeth on amateur psychology then go sign up for those forums and wait for me to post a question there. Though by the sound of it, that answers all the questions except the one about a missing persons report. That one I should clear up…
1- What qualifies as a "missing person?" If you tell someone you’re leaving but give no information on where, that doesn’t count as missing, correct?
2- In a cross-state report, would it become a federal offense to falsify such a claim?

 

[stealth2]

Adults are allowed to do as they please (within certain limits, obviously). At 18, she will be an adult. If she takes off and doesn't tell Mom (or you) where she's going, she CAN be reported as missing. But when she's found, there's nothing the authorities can do to her. And it's not a falsified report.

Really, she needs to grow up and stop letting Mom control her.

 

[krispenstpeter]

Listen kid, you have been told twice now that at 18 this girl is an adult. She can leave or her mother can kick her out without a penny and it's perfectly legal.

As for the psychology of the situation, go read up on Pavlov. You are getting involved in a situation that begs for consuling immediately. If not for the mother, at least for the child and you if you decide to take her in.

At 18, legally, this child is an adult and can tell mommy to PISS in the wind.

And don't come back with your glib psychology remarks. You haven't the foggiest what you're talking about.