depressed

I have been with my boyfriend/fiance for over six years now and have been engaged for 6 years and living together in new jersey for over 6 years as well. He has promised me marriage and children, both of which have not happend as yet. I have considered to leave him but I do not know what to do. I have been married before and have gone through all the paperwork and I do not want to relive the past. We both own our home togther and have a joint banking account. Our other account is a home equity loan for $25,000.00. If I do consider to leave him and do not want to sell the house, can I just sign the deed over to him and waive myself of owning the home and having to pay the mortgage? And what do you think I should do about the loan? I was smart to get the equity loan to pay off my credit card bills so I would not be holding the debt of the cards. Why I am considering leaving him is because he has abused me mentally where my self esteem level is ground zero. My friends can see this in my attitude. My friends tell me that I can find another person because I am beautiful on the inside and out - but my level is so low I want to do nothing but hang inside the house with my cats. I feel that the relationship is going nowhere since he has made these promises and puts my on the end of the totem pole. Everyone else comes first - his daughter and grand children, which I respect but I always put my life on hold for them. He calls me stupid and dumb and I am always mean to him, but I always put him first. When he was home plenty of times on disability - I used my vacation time to stay with him and spent many nights sleeping on the floor since he could not make it up stairs to our bedroom. I also feel that I have been supporting him in many ways - I make 2/3 more money then him and feel I get no respect. He says he does not to split up but I do not know what to do. I think I stay here just because of my animals and I do not want to go through the hassles of paperwork. Please help me. Thank you.

[jyoung]

if you are this unhappy now, imagine if you did have children too.... were you correct to say he has children and
grandchildren? Anyway, I'm not positive, but on the mortgage, I think you can sign a quit claim deed if the bank allows him to be the sole mortgage holder. Not sure about the credit card debt. There are always ways out, but
your going to have to do the research and the paperwork and
help yourself to a happier life. Your posting here is a good first step and perhaps others will offer suggestions too.

You must be somewhat younger than your fiance because you mentioned being promised children. Not only does he already have a family, but he also sounds like poor material for another. Don't hang around until you're old (you'll just get there faster if you stay). If you are unhappy enough for your friends to sense it, you need to make a break or do something to change the situation.

Don't let anyone call you stupid or dumb. Living with that would depress anyone.

You might want to reconsider and sell the house. If you let him have it, unless he can get a new mortgage in his name only, you can quitclaim the house to him, but you will still be liable for the mortgage if he defaults.

He doesn't want to split up? Of course he doesn't! You've already said you earn more income. And when you get home from work, who cooks, cleans, does laundry, shops? I'm guessing you do. Now put yourself in his boots, would YOU want to split up?

Only you can make the decision to break it off, but you do need to decide one way or the other and get on with your life. Paperwork is a lot less hassle than letting someone browbeat you day after day.

Know something else? Not once in your post did you mention that you love this guy. Sounds like something's been wrong for a long time. Good luck and please start smiling again!