Elderly mother's slander and verbal abuse

[normajean71]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I share a lease on an apartment with my 72 year old mother who had a stroke eight years ago. We have lived here since February of this year. Recently she has been subjecting me to verbal abuse as well as my children. My older children are no longer "allowed" in the house. She calls the police on an almost daily basis over petty disagreements, talks about me and what a terrible person I am to the landlord and anyone else who will listen, and has threatened to call my employer and have me fired. She listens in on my phone calls, follows me around the house and harasses me, yelling and arguing in front of my six month old daughter. The baby's father is not permitted in the house either. In fact I am not supposed to have my family or friends in the home at all. She on the other hand can have anyone over that she likes. She demands I respect her but I get none in return. Our agreement was that she pay the majority of the bills while I function as her caregiver, she is homebound and cannot care for herself. My question is, what are my rights in this situation? Do I not have the right to have friends, family and company in my own home? Also she is ruining my reputation by her telling everyone lies about me. When the police are here they seem to feel that because she is my mother I must kowtow to her every wish. Don't I have rights also? Please help.

Lori

 

[TheGeekess]

If this is a sudden change in behavior, a call to Mom's physician might be in order. She may be in the early stages of Dementia, she may have had another stroke event, etc.

 

[normajean71]

No, this isn't a recent thing, it's a trend that has escalated out of control over several months. She is perfectly aware of what she's doing.

 

[seniorjudge]

No, this isn't a recent thing, it's a trend that has escalated out of control over several months. She is perfectly aware of what she's doing.

What caused you to want to do something now?

 

[normajean71]

I do have an undue amount of patience with her because she is my mother. But as I said it has gotten to the point where it is unbearable for myself and my children.

 

[LdiJ]

I do have an undue amount of patience with her because she is my mother. But as I said it has gotten to the point where it is unbearable for myself and my children.

Then move out and let her hire a caregiver. However, you also need to be talking to her doctor, because if she wasn't that way a year ago, it really could be a sign of the onset of dementia or another stroke.

 

[las365]

When the police are here...

Why were the police there? How many times? Who called them?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Having to deal with a mother who is losing it, everything you are describing sounds like the beginning signs of dementia. You need to talk with the doctor. When I accompanied my mother to the doctor, I slipped the doctor a note of all the signs I was noticing so it didn't appear that I was "talking about her" in front of her.

You may have to seriously look at other accommodations. You need to be also be a mother to your daughter. You may have to look at having live-in help for mom.

Consider also calling a agency that deals with senior citizens.

 

[normajean71]

My mother has called the police every time, and for anything from I moved a picture on the wall, to essentially causing trouble or seeking attention. She also claims that I am being abusive toward her and this is my main concern. She has called them approximately 25 times in two months. And yes I am looking into moving out because she cannot be alone. I made a promise to her that I would not "put her in a home", but this is an impossible situation and I have a family to raise. Thank you for your input.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Norma, I understand the promise, but you owe your minor child more than you owe your mother. You cannot have your child in an abusive situation without possible losing custody.

Everything you describe is the dementia/ alzheimer symptoms. Tell the doctor everything you are describing here cuz there are medications available to help. Another reason to tell the doctor is that some medications cause strange symptoms also.