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  1. #1
    Jodie104 is offline Junior Member
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    Emancipation in Oklahoma-Need help doing myself

    Oklahoma

    I'm 16 years old, will be 17 on June 2, 2003. I am
    pregnant with no intents to marry the father of my
    child. I plan to complete High School and hopefully go
    onto a trade school. I am currently unable to obtain
    employment due to my pregnancy, but plan to acquire a job
    as soon as I can following delivery of my child. In the
    meantime I will be living with my grandmother who is 67
    years old and on a fixed income of Social Security only
    which amounts to $840.00 a month.

    Can someone help me as far as telling me some of the ins &
    outs of this. I would like to do this myself if possible
    due to the costs & expense of legal services, etc.

    Also After the delivery of my child, how do I stand? I was
    told I was automatically emancipated following the birth of
    my child, then others say no.

    Any help or direction on emancipation would be greatly
    appreciated. You may email me at:
    [email]Jodie104@Juno.com[/email]

    Sincerely,
    Ashley
    Last edited by Jodie104; 04-24-2003 at 02:22 PM.
  2. #2
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    AS your grandmother is obviously financially unable to take on additional financial burden, and you are limited by child labor laws, have you given a thought to HOW you intend to pay for:

    health insurance for your child's health care and possible prescription needs?

    Life insurance so your child is protected in case something happens to you?

    College savings?

    transportation and insurance expenses, after birth while you attend trade school (unless you are in a place with very adequate mass transit, then you need bus/subway costs)?

    clothing, diaper and day care expenses, etc. ?

    Trade school tuition? Books and supplies?

    Food for yourself and your child?

    I'm leaving out baby furniture, carseats, safety door latches, cabinet locks, stair baby gates and the like, as I'll presume you are getting these somehow.

    In most states, giving birth, per se, is not an emancipating act (as someone previously stated).
    Last edited by nextwife; 04-24-2003 at 02:45 PM.
  3. #3
    manda2020 Guest
    The courts have to decide if you are capable of taking care of yourself and now your child too. You can't just do it yourself. You have to petition the court. And if they allow it then you have the emancipation papers to bind you into a legal contract. (Rent agreement, health insurance ect) Without these you can't even get a place to live. And in most state you have to be working and you say you can't get employment cause you are pregnant, How are you going to show the courts you are capable of taking care of yourself. The average healthy baby takes almost 500 bucks a month to raise according to studies across America. As far as automatic emancipation due tp pregnancy, I don't think that's right, sounds like an easy way out of a household for children.
  4. #4
    Jodie104 is offline Junior Member
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    Emancipation

    Thanks for you comments---but I personally could not adopt my child out. Biological parents are "REAL" Parents too.

    Have you thought of how adoption makes a child feel? Unwanted, unloved, tons of unanswered questions.

    How would I feel----where is my child? Looking at every child and wondering is that my child? No this isn't an option for me.

    I feel If there is a will there is a way. I realize I am young, and have a lot to learn about life. But I love this baby that I'm caring inside me and no one can take it from me.

    Since my last post, my father has signed custody of me over to my grandmother's custody. I realize she isn't financially able to take on me & my child. But she is willing to help me and in return I help her by doing her errands, housework, etc...to pay for my stay. As soon as my child is born, I plan to get a job again and continue my education as I stated in my last post.

    I thought that is what family does, help one another.

    Do you spend $500 a month on each of your children? I'd like to know where you work, I'd like to pursue a career in that direction.
    I came from a mixed family of 7 children and I can guarantee my parents didn't spend 3500.00 a month on us. But granted although they didn't, we still had food, clothing, shleter and extra's that we wanted.

    God is my strength & refuge!
    Ashley
    PS: No one knows the underlying circumstances except those that are involved.
  5. #5
    craftymom Guest

    Re: Emancipation

    Originally posted by Jodie104


    Have you thought of how adoption makes a child feel? Unwanted, unloved, tons of unanswered questions.

    You couldn't be more wrong**************.
  6. #6
    CMSC is offline Senior Member
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    Re: Emancipation

    Originally posted by Jodie104
    Thanks for you comments---but I personally could not adopt my child out. Biological parents are "REAL" Parents too.

    Have you thought of how adoption makes a child feel? Unwanted, unloved, tons of unanswered questions.

    How would I feel----where is my child? Looking at every child and wondering is that my child? No this isn't an option for me.

    I feel If there is a will there is a way. I realize I am young, and have a lot to learn about life. But I love this baby that I'm caring inside me and no one can take it from me.

    Since my last post, my father has signed custody of me over to my grandmother's custody. I realize she isn't financially able to take on me & my child. But she is willing to help me and in return I help her by doing her errands, housework, etc...to pay for my stay. As soon as my child is born, I plan to get a job again and continue my education as I stated in my last post.

    I thought that is what family does, help one another.

    Do you spend $500 a month on each of your children? I'd like to know where you work, I'd like to pursue a career in that direction.
    I came from a mixed family of 7 children and I can guarantee my parents didn't spend 3500.00 a month on us. But granted although they didn't, we still had food, clothing, shleter and extra's that we wanted.

    Do you know how much a hospital bill is after having a child? Healthy baby is close to $5,000.

    Diapers...cheap ones $4.99/pack BUT they don't absorb as much, so you use more. You will use about 3 packs a week at first, maybe more.

    Baby wipes- these can get expensive too. About $4 pack more in many places.

    Formula, if your baby is healthy, runs about $12/can. Newborns will average about 10 cans a month, maybe more.

    Clothing...well that is actually up to you.

    Health insurance- this varies but you will not be offered health insurance right away at any job you take. There is usually a probationary period. We pay $192/month for a family of 4. And no to figure the premium you don't take $192 and divide it by 4 to find out how much insurance will be for your child.

    Daycare- this can run you about $600+ for an infant.


    Last year I spent the following on ONE child.

    Schooling- $630
    Clothing-aprox. $400
    medical expenses plus insurance premiums-$12,940

    That runs about $1164/month and that isn't including anything like food, activities. etc.


    Now my DH"s family raised 6 boys one year on only $1500. FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR! They did it, but I will tell you it took alot of work. Sewing, gardening, no going out, no movies, no extras etc.

    And most of all the did it with NO WELFARE!

    So if you plan on raising this child on your own, you can't be on welfare (not saying it is wrong, just making a point) and you have to pay for everything yourself. Don't leave it up to grandma.

    Also you need to make sure you aren't going to screw up grandma's benefits by moving in with her with a dependant and bringing in extra income.

    YOu need to file for child support too, so you can get some help.

    Oh and my most important tip, IF you are thinking of leaving your child with your grandmother while you work and go to school, I will attempt to report you to CPS. Your grandmother doesn't need nor has the ability to take care of a newborn for 8+ hours a day.


    Now with all that said, when you post about how adoptee's feel, I would suggest you shut your mouth unless you are speaking from experience.
    I am adopted and not once have I felt all the things you state adoptee's feel!




    You said, "How would I feel----where is my child? Looking at every child and wondering is that my child? No this isn't an option for me."

    This is a selfish reason to not place a child with a family!

    Oh and your parents not spending that much money on you and your siblings. Do you know that for a fact? Have you seen any credit card bills? Have they ever had to remortgage their home for you? etc.

    And if you are not emancipated and your parents are so wonderful, why aren't you living with them?
  7. #7
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    "Have you thought of how adoption makes a child feel? Unwanted, unloved, tons of unanswered questions"

    Sweetie, life is full of unanswered questions, adopted or not. Unwanted and unloved? Ha! No child is more aware of how loved and wanted she is than our daughter. She has two parents who are both there to support her, encourage her, and give her the opportunity to develop to her full potential. She thinks she wants to be a "doctor/pilot". And she can be, if she wants. She is a happy, joyous, enthusiastic and loving child. I suppose you think that leaving her in the orphanage would have been better? Do you think biokids whose fathers are left out of their lives feel more wanted? You don't think they could question why a parent didn't want them?

    Our kid is not "in angst" over not knowing her biofolks. She considers us her parents (and yes, she knows she is adopted). She is a happy child. And confident and self-assured. She was in Cancun with us last month and got to climb the pyramid at Chitchen Itza and visit ancient Mayan sites. She still talks about the Mayan indians she saw there.

    Many of my other adoptive parent friends are themselves adoptees. Not one feels the way you project they should feel about being adopted. On the contrary. They are thankful that their bioparents were concerned enough about their futures that they chose what was best for them.

    Do I spend ONLY $500 per month on my child? I wish!!!! I can't get away spending only $500 a month. Good heavens, there's the mortgage so she has a nice safe place to live, there's property taxes so she has access to a great education, there's utilities (just gas is $200 or more alone in the winter), there's the monthly check that goes into her college savings plan, there's the insurance premium for her health, prescription and dental coverage, there's $60 per month in AFTER prescription coverage for her ADHD meds so she can learn in school, then maybe another $30 to $60 any month she needs an antibiotic or other prescription (more if I were not covered). There's $20 each co-pay for doctor visits (at least once per month, between her pediatrician, ophthamologist, ENT and other doctors). There's the co-pay that remains after her eye surgery, and the one that I have for her adenoidectomy and ear tube surgeries. And the balance to her dentist. There's day camp, at about $680 per month in the summer, plus another $2/day for camp lunch. There's $200 per month in life insurance on us, plus $100 for disablity insurance. Home owners or renters insurance, auto insurance. The cost of autos to get her around to doctors appointments and to and from day care. Auto maintenance and gasoline. Clothes, underware, shoes , as she has really grown fast in three and a half years since leaving the orphanage- from size 7 at 25 months to size 1 at 5 1/2 (and we get those very cheap because her daddy is a designer) Winter jackets, mittens, gloves, boots, snowpants. Ice skates and lessons. Field trip money. Her daily snack at school. Class project money. Money for Daisy Scouts. Money for afterschool gymnastics. $200 per month for after-kindergarten day care at the Y (our district has all day K5). The new two wheeler. Roller skates. Her scooter. Helmet and pads. Presents for classmate birthday parties. Toys, dolls. Educational software and a computer to use it on. Furniture. FOOD and beverages. Toiletries. Cleaning supplies, laundry expenses. Books. Of course, it was much higher before she was potty trained. Oh yeah, and a TV and vcr to play Barney or Pooh videos on. Admission costs for the Museum or Zoo, plus treats. Hair doodads (they always get lost). Photos and developing. Money into rainy day savings so we have a safety net for her security. And I am leaving out vacation costs, dinners out, movies together and all the little things like juice boxes or milk when we are out somewhere. And we do a lot less of this stuff than many.

    The best thing is for children to BE children instead of trying to raise children.
  8. #8
    Jodie104 is offline Junior Member
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    You know I don't understand why you are attacking me----I just said that your idea of adoption was not an option for me. As abortion wasn't either. I gave you my reasons & opinions as to why this wasn't an option for me. I agree Adoption is great for some folks, not me. And again Abortion was never an option. This child didn't ask to be born, nor did I ask for this to happen to me. I love this child inside of me, although I didn't ask for this. I WAS RAPED----have you ever been raped???

    I don't appreciate your threats as far as CPS. I have no intentions of DUMPING my child on anyone, including my grandmother. Our school is one that offers us free child care for our junior & senior year----FREE!

    Have you heard of CLOTH diapers---some folks don't have the money for even CHEAP diapers. I know it's work, but I came
    from a family that has made it through with lots of hard work. Also what happened to BREAST MILK? Formula---doesn't give the child the protection that breast milk does....or is this wrong too?

    Granted I didn't get to go to dance, gymnastics, ice skating lessons etc....Not all are blessed with the finances.

    As I said before in my post-----if there is a will there is a way and through Christ all things are possible.

    My post wasn't about my LIFE---I just had questions about emancipation---which is no longer an issue.

    I wish you well in your life and I plan to do well in my life with my child.

    And although it's hard for you to believe----I too wish I could still be a child, with no worries, and I agree children should be children and not try to raise children----but I was dealt this-I didn't ask for it. But although I'm a child in your eyes, I will make it. Granted it's not going to be easy, but my daughter will know what love is. God is my strength and refuge!
  9. #9
    AmberDoug Guest

    Ashley,
    I am now 18 and I too wanted to be emancipated! I hate to tell you this, but considering your circomstances the courts would not even consider you petition. I suggest that you learn to get a job with you pregnancy, depending how far along you are, and start taking control of you life. I have a friend and she had a baby when she was 16. She went to school came home then went to work while pregnet. Then when she had the baby she had her mother help her with daycare and that is all she does now. It is very hard being a teen mother. You do not have the job experience to go out into the world and just start living the life you want to. It take a lot of work, time, dedication, and strength. Even when you do turn 18, when you have a job, even then you will probably need assistance from the government. I did a baby project when I was in 7th and in 9th grade that taught me how to care for a child. I had to caring around this computerized baby and when it cried it did not ask me if I was trying to get ready for school, it cried almost all the time. I know that a real baby is different. I am just telling you the truth: TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE HELP YOU HAVE NOW AND I SWEAR TO YOU THAT IT WILL MAKE YOU FUTURE AND PRESENT LIFE A LOT EASIER/ ISN'T YOUR LIFE HARD ENOUGH ALREADY. Just think if you stay living with your parents then when you get a job you won't have to worry about rent and you might be able to save up some money for a car or a deposit on a place of your own.I also know how hard it can be to try and do things on your own because everyone wants your parents approval, but that is one of the things you are just going to have work around! BUT I do support your every effort and am happy that you did not choose abortion or adoption!!!!
    Sincerly,
    Amber
  10. #10
    AmberDoug Guest

    I forgot to mention

    Ashley,
    Just a warning!! If CPS ever comes to your home do not talk to them, do not give them access to your child. They can take your child and make up reasons for doing so and you might never see your child again. I know from experience!! Be aware of the damage that they can cause. It is irreaperable!
  11. #11
    CMSC is offline Senior Member
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    Originally posted by Jodie104
    You know I don't understand why you are attacking me----I just said that your idea of adoption was not an option for me.

    BECAUSE YOU SAID YOU KNEW HOW ADOPTED CHILDREN FELT AND YOU ARE WRONG. WE DON'T ALL FEEL LIKE THAT!

    I WAS RAPED----have you ever been raped???

    YES!

    I don't appreciate your threats as far as CPS. I have no intentions of DUMPING my child on anyone, including my grandmother. Our school is one that offers us free child care for our junior & senior year----FREE!


    GREAT, KIDS ARE GETTING PREGNANT ENOUGH TO HAVE HIGH SCHOOL SUPPLYING DAYCARE. WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU GRADUATE?

    Have you heard of CLOTH diapers---some folks don't have the money for even CHEAP diapers. I know it's work, but I came
    from a family that has made it through with lots of hard work. Also what happened to BREAST MILK? Formula---doesn't give the child the protection that breast milk does....or is this wrong too?

    GOOD LUCK FINDING CLOTH DIAPERS AND AFFORDING THEM. THEY AREN'T CHEAP EITHER! ALSO SOME CHILDREN DON'T BREAST FEED.

    Granted I didn't get to go to dance, gymnastics, ice skating lessons etc....Not all are blessed with the finances.

    As I said before in my post-----if there is a will there is a way and through Christ all things are possible.

    My post wasn't about my LIFE---I just had questions about emancipation---which is no longer an issue.

    YOU MADE IT ABOUT YOUR LIFE.
    I wish you well in your life and I plan to do well in my life with my child.

    And although it's hard for you to believe----I too wish I could still be a child, with no worries, and I agree children should be children and not try to raise children----but I was dealt this-I didn't ask for it. But although I'm a child in your eyes, I will make it. Granted it's not going to be easy, but my daughter will know what love is. God is my strength and refuge!

    I do however, give you credit for being mature enough to try and make things work. Most girls would run and you didn't. You will gain strength, but it is difficult. I do want to say that I hope you reported the rape. If you didn't you need to. You don't want someone like that coming in and wanting custody. I know of a gal who didn't report the rape, a DNA test was done and dad was granted visitation rights. I know that isn't something you probably want to think about but it is a serious possibility.
  12. #12
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    First, while I DID point out the economic folly of attempting emancipation at 16 or 17 , much less 16 or 17 WITH A CHILD, I did not attack you or discuss CPS. I did not even bring up adoption in what I posted to you. YOU chose yourself to attack the concept of adoption and the relationship of adoptive families, something that caused more than a bit of indignation. Wouldn't you think it outrageous if a negative blanket statement about all younger children or all large familes was made by someone with NO experience on which to base such a statement?

    While you may feel that YOU do not believe in adoption, telling adoptess that they should feel unloved and unwanted is over the line. On the contrary, THEY were the ones who were wanted, their parents chose to have them become a family together. They truly wanted them and jumped through many hoops so they could be a family.

    Each of us who posted have been-there done that and are very aware of the reality of the costs of living plus the costs of providing PROPERLY for a child. In a fairy tale world, "where there's a will there's a way" really does work. In the land of reality, it takes money, time, and attention to raise an independent, self-sufficient, contributing member of society.

    It's a VERY sad statement that your HS has so many teens parenting babies that they must provide day care and that everyone thinks that's just dandy.
    Last edited by nextwife; 05-01-2003 at 04:17 PM.
  13. #13
    Jodie104 is offline Junior Member
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    Judgement

    "Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judest: for WHEREIN THOU JUDGEST ANOTHER THOU CONDEMNEST THYSELF;..." Romans 2:1

    "And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children." Isaiah 54:13

    "But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you, or of man's judgement: yea, I judge not mine own self. For I know nothing by myself; yet I am not hereby justified: but he that judgeth me is the Lord. Therefore judge nothing before the time, until the Lord come, who both will bring to light the hidden things of darkness, and will make manifest the counsels of the hearts:..."
  14. #14
    CMSC is offline Senior Member
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    Great, quote me the bible...oooh yea that hasn't been done before. You judged adopted people, read the scriptures yourself before you become a hypocrite.
  15. #15
    karma1 is offline Senior Member
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    Know this is a serious post, with serious

    Originally posted by ryry's mom
    Great, quote me the bible...oooh yea that hasn't been done before. You judged adopted people, read the scriptures yourself before you become a hypocrite.
    issues, but RY, that was funny! (the first part)

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