ex wife harassement issue

EX wife is continually sending harassing letters and calling regarding me to go to counseling with her. I do not want to go, i have no problem talking to her, and i do not feel it is necessary. She has issues with me and tries to us the children as the reason I need to go with her. She is constantly threatening to take me to court and get an order to make me go to counseling with her. She will not get on with her life, and this is such a annoyance. I have 50/50 custody of my children, they come over for an entire week everyother week, and my ex feels her home is an extension of my home with my new wife of 4 years. Can anyone give me any advice about what to do, i want to file a harassment order against her, but may be opening a new can of worms. Thank you for any help you can offer.

Hmmm...so many possible answers to this one, it's hard to know where to begin...first, I question what counseling she is talking about. I have heard of requesting parenting classes, but counseling for what in your case?

Beyond that, you could tell her that you <i>and your new wife</i> would be HAPPY to attend counseling meetings with her. (although if it were brought before a judge, they may or may not tell you that your new wife is not a party to the matter)

You could simply tell her that you absolutely REFUSE to discuss ANYTHING with her other than the children, and if she phones and starts on anything else, tell her "that's not something I will discuss with you" if she persists, <b>hang up immediately</b> and keep doing that. Eventually, she will get the message. You could record the conversations, too, just check if you are in a one party, or all party state. If you are in a all party state, be sure to tell her that you are recording the conversations. That in itself may be enough to deter her!

I'd say send mail back marked "return to sender" but you can't open it first if you're sending it back, and you may inadvertantly send back something important. Also, she may be able to use that returned mail to show that there is a lack of communication, which could potentially affect your custody. Probably not the best idea.

We've had this problem ourselves, and it is pretty horrible. You feel invaded and there is little you can do about it. (My dh's EX once called 16 times in one hour, long distance to tell me that she was broke. I finally told her that if she'd get the H*LL off the phone and stop making long distance calls, maybe she'd have some money!!!!)

As for filing harrassment charges, keep a log of phone calls that are harrassing (time, date, content of call.) In order to have the phone company pursue the matter, you must call and report that there is harrassment, then <i>after you've called them,</i> they will need to document at least 3 calls (I think within a month) and then you will be able to pursue the matter against her. If you don't press charges, I don't think they will be willing to follow up in the future should it get worse. As for the letters, keep them. They are also documentation.

I certainly sympathize with you on this matter.

Good Luck!

Not knowing where you live, you can't be given a simple answer as to whether your state is one party or all party.

All Party States are...

California
Connecticut
Florida
Illinois
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Montana
Nevada
New Hampshire
Pennsylvania
Washington

Perhaps a letter from your attorney saying something to the effect that her contacts are excessive and if she continues to harass you, charges will be filed against her would help. Just make it clear that you are willing to have any contact that directly involves decisions re the children ONLY.

Even in states that require parenting classes as a part of the marriage dissolution process, the parents don't have to attend the same class. If mediation is required, then the two of you sit down with a mediator to work things out, but that is accomplished prior to the dissolution. Her request for joint counseling at this point should be moot.

to those who responded to my request for help, thank you so much, we do live in california, and the ex and i have different ideas about rules for the kids, when they are at my home for a week, i have different rules, well the ex will interfer with them by calling to argue over why one boy cannot take his clothes from here to there, to my decision for he not being in cross country this semester due to him getting a D- in english when he promised me he would bring that grade up so he could be in his sport. He did not, so therefore he is not going to do the sport, in all his other subjects he has A's and B's, that is fine, it is not about the grade, it is about his faithfulness to a promise, if he does not learn a simple fundamental lesson such as this, where will he ever learn it? The ex wife is adamantly opposed to him dropping the sport for one semester, in here lies the problem, and for this she wants to force me to go to a parenting class, what i want is to be left alone by her, let her raise the kids the way she sees fit at her home and let me raise them my way at my home. They are 16, and 11 two boys that get along very well with me and my new wife of 4 years. But the ex has anger issues that she wants to vent and use the children as a tool to her own means, but i don't want it at my expense of time and money. I am going to talk to an attorney tomorrow, but we are tired of the threats, the demanding provoction of having to do what she wants, when we feel we are a separate entity of her. Is this unreasonable of us? thanks for reading my post, jim and vicki

[Edited by vimnjicki on 06-24-2001 at 03:10 PM]

You sound like a good dad with reasonable expectations. Good luck!

Listen, these EX's that never get over the divorce and never go on with their life, they THRIVE on getting you and the new wife upset. If you allow her to do that, she is going to keep doing it. You sound like you are well situated in both your role as a father and your responsibility to your children. Don't let her aggrevate you.

If you step back and take a good look at what she's doing, it's not really anything but trying to be ANNOYING--DON'T LET HER!! Hang up on her when she calls, toss her letters into a file in your file cabinet when she writes, ignore her and go on with your life. Belive me, she's not worth getting upset over.

Good Luck!