Getting my mothers remains.

[jessica1082000]

I live in Tennessee, my mother was cremated and her remains are in Virginia.

This is a pretty long post, if you want to bypass the story I felt needed to be said before I asked my question please start at the 4th paragraph.
Here is a quick outlook on why I am having to write this:

My mother died January 7th, 2012. She drank heavily, which caused her to have all sorts of medical issues. She was dying without my knowledge, because no one informed me of this, and she didnt either. When I didnt get a call from her for a week I spoke to my grandma, she said my mom was barely alive. She was alive.. but she was not able to place someone as power of attorney, and had no will. If I had known as soon as she was sick, I would have asked her to do one so I wouldnt be writing this..

I helped my grandma throughout my mothers dying process, I helped with paperwork, since I was the only child, and family member willing to help my grandmother. My grandma decided she wanted to get my mother cremated since none of us had money for a proper funeral, and my grandma who does wasnt willing to provide one, which is fine. I told my grandma I would like to have the ashes, but she insisted on having them. I felt like it would be horrible of me to try to take them from her since you never imagine burying your child.

Time goes on, and I get into a dispute with my grandma, because she gives, and sells some items of my mothers, items that are very important to me. I would have purchased them, but we all know those family members who like to swoop in and get everything they can with a death in the family. Needless to say my grandma, and I are not on speaking terms.

So im thinking, my grandma is 70, in 10, 20, or 30 years, what will become of my mothers ashes? Where will they go in my grandmothers passing?

Please dont think of me as a horrible person, who wants to make a horrible act by taking my mothers ashes from my grandma, but Im thinking if I dont take them where would they go?

I am under the impression I have more rights to my mothers ashes than my grandma since my brother, and I had to give permission for her to even cremate my mother. I am willing to pay my grandma back the $1500 for the price of the cremation she paid for.

Please let me know if I have a leg to stand on.

 

[justalayman]

but Im thinking if I dont take them where would they go?

either where they are now of wherever whomever cleans out your grandmothers house puts them. That could be the trash if they chose to do so.



Not sure what to tell you. I'll start with my condolences for the loss of your mother. I understand the loss.


Your mothers estate was liable for the costs of cremation or funeral or whatever. Since your grandmother paid for the cremation, she would have a valid claim for reimbursement from the estate when or if anybody ever took the legal steps to deal with her estate.

Often times estates that have little or no value are never presented for probate and the families tend to divide things up as they do.
That in itself is not legal but the cost of probate often causes everybody from opening probate. Due to that, you end up with their personal property, more or less up, for grabs.

I am willing to pay my grandma back the $1500 for the price of the cremation she paid for.

this is off the cuff and am attempting to locate the statutes that actually control the situation but generally, the barring any directives imposed by the decedent, the first line of heirs (spouse, then children) generally have control over the disposition of the remains. It should not require the repayment of the cost of the cremation.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

It is not important what you want or what grandma wants. Your mother lived all these years, with no one asking her what she wanted?

 

[las365]

Your mother lived all these years, with no one asking her what she wanted?

That happens all the time. I have a relative who has terminal cancer and she basically refuses to make a Will or say what she wants to happen to her while she is alive, much less after she dies.

OP, I am sorry for your loss. When my father died and was cremated, my sisters and I each took a little portion of the ashes (there are a lot of them, more than you might expect) and kept the rest together until we were ready to scatter them (several years later). Maybe your grandmother would be willing to give you some of the ashes after a little time has passed.