good news, bad news, need sleep

[jyoung]

The good news: In the last 24 hours I have obtained an appointment with a high profile civil rights atty who thinks my case interesting and wants to talk to me. I have also had a public defender appointed because...

the bad news: My ex successfully filed a domestic battery charge against me last night after I dropped my kid off from an evening of bowling. I was set up like a bowling pin.
I made the mistake of not bringing along one of the other kids, just so my daughter and I could spend some quality time. After dropping off the kid and saying good night, Mom sent her inside then proceeded to push, shove, instigate, scratch, block my car door, etc. All the while I moved away as I am not so stupid as to raise my hands, esp. in my situation with the kid. She went into my car and grabbed a CD, threw it at her front door and broke a window. When I finally got away I went to the guardhouse and attempted to call the sheriff, only to learn that she was on the phone with them requesting a 911 call for an assault. THE WOMAN SCRATCHED HER OWN FACE AND BACK OF HER HEAD. Guess who spent his first (and last, god willing)
night in jail. Released this afternoon on own recognignition, supervision, no contact, supervised visitation with the kid, etc. etc. etc. Some ****.

I'll take questions from the floor and be back in the a.m.
cause I'm going to bed....

OH MY GOD! I can't believe that! Actually I can, I'm in awe of it though!

Maybe what you can do next time is set her up... Have a video camera in the back of your car, out of site, then wait for her to "strike" again!

Or have a witness park down the street from her house prior to your getting there, and sit and watch the whole charade, or better yet, video tape it!

I'm sorry you had to go through something like that!

Unfortunately, she won't have to do it again--she already got him! Man, they should have been able to check your hands, nails, etc., and known better!

jy, that woman is positively evil. I am so sorry she was able to trap you, and wish you the best. Oh, and that's great about the CR attorney.

[jyoung]

thanks Ukiah and Grandma B. It's been a very trying few days. I'm hopeful that with the track record of my ex I can prove to both the criminal and family courts that this was just was just another episode of her trying to control my daughter and stopping at nothing to get her way. I'm truly afraid that because she found herself able to actually harm herself that nothing is beyond her to pull in the future, including violence. I really am more determined than ever to rescue this kid, although my daughter is probably sitting there right now thinking I'm the a**hole.

[LegalBeagle]

Hindsight is wonderful.. but I would have insisted on having my hands and nails examined. Even getting the inside of the car fingerprinted would have helped to show that she did enter the car.. but things like this are not done unless someone is killed.

JY: I feel for you man.. If you do not find some way to beat this, you are screwed and her attorney will use this against you every step of the way. Are you sure there are no witnesses lurking?

My only suggestion would be to ensure your attorney highlights the problems you have had over the child and custody. Highlight that she was constantly losing in court and obviously got frustrated and desperate. That this was a pre-mediated plan of attack since you had just notified her of your recent custody petition. That she was prepared to do anything to stop you taking her meal ticket (the child) away.

Collect and document every scrap of documentation that shows she has been nasty, abusive towards you in the past. Try and 'paint a picture' of how she has been towards you. In the future, always carry a tape recorder on you and record everything. Regardless of whether this can be used in court, it offers doubt to the police and prosecutor.

Another idea is to get witnesses to testify as to your state of mind on the night. You went bowling? Find people to show that you were happy and having a good time. Make sure you state that you had no reason or motive for this attack since the court action was going so well for you.

If you are able to show any hatred or abuse towards yourself from this woman, then you have the ground work of creating doubt.

What happened with the dentist issue?

[LegalBeagle]

I should add, that a public defender might not be the way to go in this case if you actually have to 'paint a picture' of her past and present a pattern of behavior. If you do not get good vibes from them immediately, then do all you can to get your own attorney.

jyoung...just wanted to pipe my 2 1/2 cents in and say that I too am very sorry to hear that your EX "got one over on you." I have read many of your posts and respect the work that you have done representing yourself. It's a shame when a woman that psychotic can have the opportunity to affect other people's lives, especially a child's.

Just a thought...maybe it's too late, but...if she picked up a CD from your car, and flung it through her window, won't it have her prints on it? And if it does...how on earth would she explain that? perhaps grasping at straws here...any possibility that one of the neighbors witnessed the episode?

Good Luck to you.

[jyoung]

Thanks beagle and angel, I'm hopeful I won't have to utilize the public defender, I'll know more next week. I showed the officers that I didn't have nails, told them she entered the car, they didn't seem to care. The CD is long gone, as she actually claimed that it was her head being pushed into the door that broke the glass, she had taken the CD into the house and certainly isn't going to produce it.

There's a nagging feeling in the back of my head that the sheriff's office was predisposed to backing her because I had written a letter to the sheriff previously complaining about the lack of cooperation I had been getting from that substation when I tried to document the frequent visitation denials. I'm hopeful that added to all the evidence that may help my case as well.

[LegalBeagle]

Was it documented that you do not have any 'nails'? It is pretty hard to scratch someone if you do not have any finger nails.. If she has received medical attention, then make sure you get a hold of that report. ie, if she claims you shoved her head through the window and there is no statement in the report as to glass cuts etc..

It would take a pretty stupid man to physically attack his ex at this time given your situation. However, it would benefit her case to have you do so. The woman is shrewd, but maybe, just maybe, she's overstepped this time.

Think there's a possibility the CR attorney might also help out on this one? I sure hope this isn't a little redneck area--we have many here.

[LegalBeagle]

The trouble is.. it is so freaking easy for people to pull this crap. You only option sometimes is to carry a small video camera with you are all times. A gun is not always the best deterrent.

[MySonsMom]

JYoung,

My stepsons bio Mom did this exact same thing to her now X husband. (not my hubby, Father of her 2 other children). He was arrested, spent the night in jail, restraining order...the whole bit. (they were in the process of divorce when this happend, so she thought she would pull a fast one so she wouldn't lose the kids to him) He fought like hell, he plead not guilty, got an attorney and fought her. Jury ruled him NOT GUILTY and she looked like a complete idiot. Went on with the divorce, and HE got custody.

Amazing what some people will do. Especially to someone they once loved.

Oh, one more thing. After this "incident", he requested that all pick-ups/drop-offs be done at the local police station; because he did not trust her one bit. She is such an idiot.

MSM

JYoung,
I've read your posts with much interest. You have worked SO HARD on everything. I've been in awe of all of your legal preparations, and your refusal to give up on having a relationship with your child. Let's face it, there are a lot of NCP's out there that would simply throw their hands up when faced with a CP such as your ex.
I'm so sorry to hear of this stunt that your ex has pulled on you. What a shady and desperate thing to do!
Not that LB needs any help in advising you to document and dig up whatever 'evidence' you can find to discredit the ex's claim, but I just wanted to pass along my two cents.
When my ex and I broke up (over 12 yrs ago), he beat the crap out of me on his way out the door, and showed up in court that afternoon with claw marks across his chest and face, as well as a black eye. I had done none of this to him, he had gone to his sister's house and had her *mark him up* to make it look like I had come after him like a raving lunatic, and his hitting me as hard as he did was merely to stun me enough to give him time to run out the door.
The rest is a *very* long story, but my point on this issue, is that I was able to dig up neighbors that had heard the fight, a neighbor that happened to be looking out the window when the ex left and saw that he had had not a single mark on his face or chest when he left, and also witnesses to testify to the sister's propensity towards violence and her capability to *mark him up* out of desperation. All of these people I found, when at the time I had thought no one was watching. And I was able to show that it was the ex that had attacked me, not the other way around as he had claimed.
Question every one that may have been witness to your mood and actions ahead of time, and during the time you were dropping off your child. I'm sure there's someone out there that can/will help you.
I'm so sorry to hear of this bogus turn of events. It's rotten being on the receiving end of it, and the court battles get so tiring, but I've found that persistence pays off.
My end result is that I have sole custody, and bio dad has no parental rights.

[jyoung]

thanks msm and crafty- the ex lives in a gated community and the guards all know me by now, so fat chance there.
I did happen to save the bowling alley receipt and luckily the employees name is on the computer printout...my daughter and I were joking around with him trying to find
psychedelic bowling shoes that fit her, my kid then ran back to him to request they put the bumpers up when I kicked her butt in the first game.....hope he doesn't mind a subpoena!

[jyoung]

more good news/bad news:

Ex filed an injunction for a restraining order to go along with the criminal no contact. She's seeking to further restrict my contact with my daughter as well by saying I threatened her as well. Hearing on that is Friday next.

Good news is that I had conversations with both the county
program facilitators for supervised visitation and with the state department of children and families. The head of the county office listened to my story and said although the paperwork would not be there for a few days, he would suspect a case like mine would be recommended for a supervised drop-off/pick-up program as opposed to fully supervised visitation, both of which are handled by his office.

The state called me to pre-interview me due to the arrest, I have a sit down with her on Tuesday. When I told her my version of what happened and the history prior to the arrest she was surprised at how much was left out of the story by me ex-wife in her sit down interview that day.
(surprised? not me.) She also indicated there would probably be best for the kid to have regular visitation as long as the two parents didn't have contact.

I am hopeful that this governmental common sense is infectious and continues in my kid's favor.....

Thanks to everybody for their best wishes. I happen to be blessed with a very strong will, instincts and a great support system of friends and family. I can see now how it is that people crack, give up, turn down the wrong path when things like this happen. My first and only night in jail was an eye-opener. As it turned out to out of my control I had to go with the flow, and now that I am back in control I will turn this situation into a positive.