Help us begin a solution for a long standing matter.

[bryce]

What is the name of your state?

My state is Ohio. This is rather entailed, I will try to make it concise given the many pertinent factors. Ten years ago I was under a great deal of emotional upheaval. After a year, and a legal separation, I returned to the marriage that I was undecided I wanted to stay in. Three years previously, after 5 yrs. of raising my step-sons, they had went to live with their mother. They were now ages 16 and 18. I had been very much parentally involved and commited in a role as mother to them.

The youngest had gotten involved with drugs and lived a care-free teen life since moving in with his mother. As even a young boy of 6 yrs., he had enamored affections for me. It was always awkward, being such an affectionate individual, to handle this attention he had for me of a lusting nature. I wished for him to have affection for the love or care of me, not out of a physical craving. I was 31 and had created my life out of the sense of inferiority I felt. I could explain this further and include my husband and his family's role in this, but the bottom line is I choose to take responsibility for my own actions, behavior, and choices. Somewhere in my desperation, in my longing, in the mess I once lived within my head, out of the lack of feeling accepted, the lack of feeling loved, the lack of feeling close I gave something to my step-son that crossed a boundary and forever changed the course of many lives. I got pregnant and am certain it was by my step-son, not my husband.

As I often had done with decisions in my life, my confusion led me to make them out of default. Needless to say the marriage I stayed in was not a healthy one. I gained a great deal of weight and gave all myself to motherhood. My step-son, much more sexual than affectionate, directed his efforts to gaining physical experiences with his female peers, but not relationships. We rarely discussed what had happened between us. He was very happy with the environment at his mother's, he had much freedom, little structure or discipline and could live his life with ease following the path of least resistance. There wasn't much any one could do to help re-direct his life, least not me after the blunder I had committed.

In his senior year and 18 yrs. of age he was charged with a felony and 'emancipated'. While out on bail he returned to our home for a period of about 2 months. I thought for certain I wouldn't have to avoid him... all the weight I had gained would keep him away. I loved him dearly and was in an awful mess since the boundaries had been crossed. While my size was enough to make me avoid physical intimacy, my heart was easy to give way to his pestering. Again I allowed myself to be convenient for him. As it turned out I became pregnant within that time frame. There is a high probability and likelihood that he fathered my second child as well.

Three years ago I told my husband, though my step-son asked that I not. By this time much had changed within me. Not quite a year previous to which I had told him, I had been treated for adult A.D.D., after which point significant change had taken place in my head and life. Consequently much had improved in our marriage, but for many reasons I eventually chose to ask for a divorce, and we underwent a dissolution two years ago.

I prefer the truth to be known and take the judgment that people will so naturally have for me. But I am not the only one that would have to deal with people's reactions, and for those individuals I remained silent. Long ago I admitted my mistakes, wrong doing and have given apology to my step-son, as well did I admit my wrong doing and apologized to my husband. He accepted me and our children then, having no qualms continuing the marriage. But when I chose to terminate it he felt he owed me little if anything. Through mediation I tried to the best of my ability to make amends by taking as little as possible, the details are many. But what I have come to realize is that my children, our children are paying for my mistakes... for me to suffer in great difficulty unable to pay bills, barely able to feed us, going without to great ends to accomplish merely the basics is not their debt. I thought that it was alright for me to tough it out and try to give them everything they deserve and all that I would want for them on my own accord.

It is in everybody's best interest that this matter be dealt with, for closure and healing - of course It will be with great difficulty. I have worked through extensive self-introspection. I know how my actions, regardless of their reasoning (or be it the lack thereof) - affected us all. Regret and self-condemnation are damaging. Mistakes must be learned from, then a choice to move forward is needed to better oneself. Accepting responsibility. Apology. Making necessary changes. I took the steps to improve me, and I have a much clearer head to create my life from conscious thought/choice. I have a better me to give those I love and want to be my best for. I forgive myself. I do not commiserate, it serves no good purpose, what's done is done. Given the right choices after making the wrong ones, can develop a person of profound insight, understanding and tolerance. I don't pass judgment on myself, or others... "We are not punished for our sins...We are punished by our sins."

There is no thing in this world that means more to me than my children. All concern comes down to the most important... my children. Their well being is not just my responsibility and in my constant awareness, but my greatest joy in life. Even the smallest of choices I make, must be carefully looked at for the impact on the direction it will lead....Please offer how I might go about this for their best interest. Can I file child support papers? (This is something my ex has held over my head.) Doesn't Ohio law define paternity automatic in even a common law marriage by the spouse? Although a test has never been drawn? Is this a 3rd degree felony as my step-son was not younger than 16? Will I see time incarcerated? Will there be back child support? Will I retain custody of my children? THIS IS ALL IMPERATIVE, please help me help us and begin a solution for this long standing matter. Thank you.

[tylersmom]

Lady, you are a sexual predator. I don't care what kind of ADD, depression, insecurity, whatever issues you had, any grown person who sees a 6 year old child's behavior towards them as sexually motivated is sick. A 6 year old has no idea about those things, and you should be ashamed of yourself for even using that as some sort of reason or justification of what you did when he got older!! That was your husband's child!!!! Even if he was sexually attracted to you at 16, you at 31 should have known better!!! What in God's name is wrong with you???? To make matters worse, you allowed this child to impregnate you twice!!! And now you want to seek support? You shouldn't get any support because those kids should be taken from you due to the fact that you are a pedophile. You are worried about being incarcerated? That's where you belong!!!

I have a 6 year old son right now who is about to have a new stepmother. It makes me sick to think of the idea of her first, accusing my son of making sexual advances toward her at age 6, and then taking it to the level you did!!!! What is wrong with you???

You have alot of nerve coming here asking for help after what you did. The fact that you have forgiven yourself for it and blah blah blah, just proves that you are a complete mental case. You are lucky I can't find out who you are, because I'd turn you in so fast it would make your head spin.

Make no mistake, you are a sexual deviant that prayed on an innocent child, and then turned it around and tried to blame everyone else for making you do it. You are sick and far beyond any help that any of us could give you. Get psychiatric help before you do something like this again. You make me physically ill.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by bryce

What is the name of your state?

My state is Ohio.

Great grand and glorious.

This is rather entailed, I will try to make it concise given the many pertinent factors. Ten years ago I was under a great deal of emotional upheaval. After a year, and a legal separation, I returned to the marriage that I was undecided I wanted to stay in. Three years previously, after 5 yrs. of raising my step-sons, they had went to live with their mother. They were now ages 16 and 18. I had been very much parentally involved and commited in a role as mother to them.

The youngest had gotten involved with drugs and lived a care-free teen life since moving in with his mother. As even a young boy of 6 yrs., he had enamored affections for me. It was always awkward, being such an affectionate individual, to handle this attention he had for me of a lusting nature. I wished for him to have affection for the love or care of me, not out of a physical craving. I was 31 and had created my life out of the sense of inferiority I felt. I could explain this further and include my husband and his family's role in this, but the bottom line is I choose to take responsibility for my own actions, behavior, and choices. Somewhere in my desperation, in my longing, in the mess I once lived within my head, out of the lack of feeling accepted, the lack of feeling loved, the lack of feeling close I gave something to my step-son that crossed a boundary and forever changed the course of many lives. I got pregnant and am certain it was by my step-son, not my husband.

At the age of 16 you got pregnant by your stepson? You met him when you were 21 and he was six? Do I have the time line correct?

As I often had done with decisions in my life, my confusion led me to make them out of default. Needless to say the marriage I stayed in was not a healthy one. I gained a great deal of weight and gave all myself to motherhood. My step-son, much more sexual than affectionate, directed his efforts to gaining physical experiences with his female peers, but not relationships.

You do not blame a child for an adult's proclivities.


In his senior year and 18 yrs. of age he was charged with a felony and 'emancipated'. While out on bail he returned to our home for a period of about 2 months. I thought for certain I wouldn't have to avoid him... all the weight I had gained would keep him away. I loved him dearly and was in an awful mess since the boundaries had been crossed. While my size was enough to make me avoid physical intimacy, my heart was easy to give way to his pestering. Again I allowed myself to be convenient for him. As it turned out I became pregnant within that time frame. There is a high probability and likelihood that he fathered my second child as well.

YOu need counseling.
Three years ago I told my husband, though my step-son asked that I not. By this time much had changed within me. Not quite a year previous to which I had told him, I had been treated for adult A.D.D., after which point significant change had taken place in my head and life. Consequently much had improved in our marriage, but for many reasons I eventually chose to ask for a divorce, and we underwent a dissolution two years ago.


Because you raped his son?

I prefer the truth to be known and take the judgment that people will so naturally have for me. But I am not the only one that would have to deal with people's reactions, and for those individuals I remained silent. Long ago I admitted my mistakes, wrong doing and have given apology to my step-son, as well did I admit my wrong doing and apologized to my husband. He accepted me and our children then, having no qualms continuing the marriage. But when I chose to terminate it he felt he owed me little if anything. Through mediation I tried to the best of my ability to make amends by taking as little as possible, the details are many. But what I have come to realize is that my children, our children are paying for my mistakes... for me to suffer in great difficulty unable to pay bills, barely able to feed us, going without to great ends to accomplish merely the basics is not their debt. I thought that it was alright for me to tough it out and try to give them everything they deserve and all that I would want for them on my own accord.

It is in everybody's best interest that this matter be dealt with, for closure and healing - of course It will be with great difficulty. I have worked through extensive self-introspection. I know how my actions, regardless of their reasoning (or be it the lack thereof) - affected us all. Regret and self-condemnation are damaging. Mistakes must be learned from, then a choice to move forward is needed to better oneself. Accepting responsibility. Apology. Making necessary changes. I took the steps to improve me, and I have a much clearer head to create my life from conscious thought/choice. I have a better me to give those I love and want to be my best for. I forgive myself. I do not commiserate, it serves no good purpose, what's done is done. Given the right choices after making the wrong ones, can develop a person of profound insight, understanding and tolerance. I don't pass judgment on myself, or others... "We are not punished for our sins...We are punished by our sins."

There is no thing in this world that means more to me than my children. All concern comes down to the most important... my children. Their well being is not just my responsibility and in my constant awareness, but my greatest joy in life. Even the smallest of choices I make, must be carefully looked at for the impact on the direction it will lead....Please offer how I might go about this for their best interest. Can I file child support papers? (This is something my ex has held over my head.) Doesn't Ohio law define paternity automatic in even a common law marriage by the spouse?

Ohio law does not have common law marriages. Per the constitution only marriage through the government is recognized -- no other relationship is given legal recognition. Even before then there is no common law marriage.


Although a test has never been drawn?

Nope.

Is this a 3rd degree felony as my step-son was not younger than 16?

You raped him.

Will I see time incarcerated?

Probably.

Will there be back child support?

You are kidding right?

Will I retain custody of my children?

Nope.

THIS IS ALL IMPERATIVE, please help me help us and begin a solution for this long standing matter. Thank you.

You are in trouble. You will lose custody for your crimes against a child.

[LdiJ]

I am no less disgusted with this woman than anyone else. However, I just looked up the age of consent in Ohio and its 16. Therefore no, she didn't rape him...she isn't going to jail.....nor is she likely to lose custody.

This is a sick and sorry situation for the whole family and particularly for the children. They deserve to have their father (and grandfather for that matter) be part of their lives, and they deserve to be supported by both parents, but its virtually a no-win situation.

No one can help this woman (nor really want to) because there is no way to make this better for the kids.

[tylersmom]

That is truly unfortunate because this woman is sick. The simple fact that she interpreted a 6 year old child's actions to be sexually motivated toward her makes her a danger to her own kids. Even worse, she used a dozen different excuses to explain her actions, none of which offer any justification. The worst part is that more than likely, she destroyed a family.

[Zephyr]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

I am no less disgusted with this woman than anyone else. However, I just looked up the age of consent in Ohio and its 16. Therefore no, she didn't rape him...she isn't going to jail.....nor is she likely to lose custody.

This is a sick and sorry situation for the whole family and particularly for the children. They deserve to have their father (and grandfather for that matter) be part of their lives, and they deserve to be supported by both parents, but its virtually a no-win situation.

No one can help this woman (nor really want to) because there is no way to make this better for the kids.

I did not look it up- but she was 31- Ohio does not have the "16 and no more than 4 years older" specification that many states use?

[AlexandriaDumas]

Why not just go down to your local child support office, the District Attorney probably, and ask them how you go about getting child support from your ex. I'd leave all the background info and remorse you speak of out of it, because in the long run, it really doesn't matter. If you were married to that man at the time you had the children, he should be paying child support, whether they're actually his children or his grandchildren. I don't care what you've done or think you've done, he's despicable in my book for not helping support those kids.

Good luck to you.

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by AlexandriaDumas

Why not just go down to your local child support office, the District Attorney probably, and ask them how you go about getting child support from your ex. I'd leave all the background info and remorse you speak of out of it, because in the long run, it really doesn't matter. If you were married to that man at the time you had the children, he should be paying child support, whether they're actually his children or his grandchildren. I don't care what you've done or think you've done, he's despicable in my book for not helping support those kids.
Good luck to you.

I could just throw up.

[ILOVEMYGSM3]

...although i must say, no matter what the age was of each, if he was your stepson thats wrong...and htf do you think a child that young would have a sexual interest in you?
also, since your ex knows, theres probably a good chance he might ask for a dna test to show he didnt father the child(ren)...then, you'll be taking care of them alone...don't you feel smart? this ish belongs on abc daily....

[bryce]

Originally Posted by AlexandriaDumas

Why not just go down to your local child support office, the District Attorney probably, and ask them how you go about getting child support from your ex. I'd leave all the background info and remorse you speak of out of it, because in the long run, it really doesn't matter. If you were married to that man at the time you had the children, he should be paying child support, whether they're actually his children or his grandchildren. I don't care what you've done or think you've done, he's despicable in my book for not helping support those kids.

Good luck to you.

Everybody has a side to this 'case', be it myself, step-son or ex-husband. There are MANY DETAILS and MUCH INFORMATION that cannot obviously be explained/posted here. All parties have a level of involvement with the children, all parties take some degree of responsibility with the children. The children attend a private school (and have since pre-school age, much prior to our dissolution), which both my ex-husband and myself feel is a foundational thread of consistency - as they lost the consistency of one household/living with mom and dad.

When we mediated I asked that he pay for their tuition (which is at a discounted fee due the economic circumstances of a divorce), and I would not pursue allimony (we were married for 15 yrs, I brought in little next to our overall income, his was/is substantially more than mine). He argues that I should not get allimony (I don't believe that's consistent with Ohio law), and that covering their schooling and medical coverage is more than he should do. (Remember he knew full details and was accepting of his role as their father as long as he had me, is it fair to the children that he decides to partially fill that role to them because he no longer posses me as his wife? My transgressions were acceptable then? Not now?)

I would be continuing to live this struggle if it were not for the fact that when I was out of work for 6 wks, then went to a job where my income covers only mortgage, car pymt., gas (to go to work, take the children to school etc.) and $35 a week groceries (this is no exaggeration, it's true)... no utilities, NO EXTRAS - he refused to help me with food. When I mentioned pursuing child support he said the following; child support was not for bills, he didn't know what I was doing with my money (what money? I paid utilities on credit cards!) and lastly I didn't deserve child support. (Incidently I live in a modest $67,000 house, he still resides in the home we had when married, about twice the value.)

Although in mediation we agreed on 'joint custody', the children reside w/ me, he and his son (my step-son) - who lives with his father (and pays no rent or expenses), have the children or care for them when I am at work. Incidentally I am either at work, or with my children - happily, by my choice. Their 'fathers' have personal and social time that I do not. This is not a problem for me, nor is the fact that both my ex and his son have expendable income - I can accept that not being a luxury I have at this time.... but feeding my children is not a luxury.

Perhaps my ex and my step-son feel a sense of vindication by my suffering. So be it, but as I said in my original post.... this is not a debt of the children's. Alexandria you have a good point, and I have filled out the paper work to file for child support. And that just may be all that needs to be done by Ohio law, to remedy buying groceries for our home. However, I believe that as wrong as my actions were so many years ago, that my ex-husband and previous step-son, have a level of resposibility that I am enabling them to evade. I am willing to accept my responsibility for my past mistakes, I live my life differently now. I am not horrified to have the truth come out or deal with people's judgment (I will FIERCLY protect my children mind you), on the other hand, by ex and his son have done little or no self-reflection, and would prefer, I'm sure to keep this under wraps, not to mention have to face more responsibility, particularly when it comes to money.

Thank you for your post and your wish of good luck to me. I merely want the best interest for my children, they are very much loved by all of us, both their fathers, and of course me. It is sad as the origin of all this is, but it is many years later and I will endlessly pursue the best quality of life, for them/me/us... and hope my ex-husband, and step-son will choose to deal with this and move on to the same.

It appears as many who post would have me write myself off for my past, live in disgust and humiliation and give up therefore on myself and my children.... so be it if this is their perspective. Some how they feel I am sick because I forgive myself and found the strength to make that choice. Apparently their world does not have room for people to correct their wrong, or be worthy or valuable has a human being once having screwed up, it is unforseeable that I can be of any contribution to society. And they KNOW this ALL by reading - what- 8 paragraphs and have the wisdom to deem my beginning and my ending. Even Jesus the Christ was perfect and was more careful to pass judgement as they do.

[ceara19]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

I am no less disgusted with this woman than anyone else. However, I just looked up the age of consent in Ohio and its 16. Therefore no, she didn't rape him...she isn't going to jail.....nor is she likely to lose custody.

She broke the law.

§ 2907.3 Sexual Battery Any person who engages in sexual conduct with any person under 18 and where defendant occupies a specific position of authority, i.e. parent, teacher or coach. (Third degree felony.)

Although there is no way to KNOW what will happen in court, if there is a custody battle, she will almost certainly lose. If she is charged with a crime, the prosecutor will most likely go for the maximum sentence. Had she jumped in bed with a 16 year old step son that she had only known for a short time, she would have had a chance to get off with probation, but she she was a part of this boy's life since he was a young child.

[ceara19]

Originally Posted by bryce

Everybody has a side to this 'case', be it myself, step-son or ex-husband. There are MANY DETAILS and MUCH INFORMATION that cannot obviously be explained/posted here.

We really don't need to know any more of your story.

Your step son's side of the story is that he was MOLESTED by someone that he saw as a parent. The BS about him being "enamoured" with you since he was 6, is a load of crap. Feel free to stick with that story though. I'm sure the judge and jury LOVE to hear it.

Dad's side of the story is that his wife betrayed him repeatedly.
(1)By cheating on him
(2) By MOLESTING his child
(3) By lying to him
(4) By having a child with some one other then your HUSBAND
(5) By having a baby as a result of MOLESTING his child
(6) Then you decided to do it AGAIN!

All parties have a level of involvement with the children, all parties take some degree of responsibility with the children. The children attend a private school (and have since pre-school age, much prior to our dissolution), which both my ex-husband and myself feel is a foundational thread of consistency - as they lost the consistency of one household/living with mom and dad.

That foundation is going to turn into quicksand when the find out that their BROTHER is really their FATHER!

When we mediated I asked that he pay for their tuition (which is at a discounted fee due the economic circumstances of a divorce), and I would not pursue allimony (we were married for 15 yrs, I brought in little next to our overall income, his was/is substantially more than mine). He argues that I should not get allimony (I don't believe that's consistent with Ohio law), and that covering their schooling and medical coverage is more than he should do. (Remember he knew full details and was accepting of his role as their father as long as he had me, is it fair to the children that he decides to partially fill that role to them because he no longer posses me as his wife? My transgressions were acceptable then? Not now?)

Your transgressions were NEVER acceptable. Your husband put the children FIRST by choosing to stay married. I'm sure he didn't want to burden HIS family with YOUR perversities and he should be commended for it.

I would be continuing to live this struggle if it were not for the fact that when I was out of work for 6 wks, then went to a job where my income covers only mortgage, car pymt., gas (to go to work, take the children to school etc.) and $35 a week groceries (this is no exaggeration, it's true)... no utilities, NO EXTRAS - he refused to help me with food. When I mentioned pursuing child support he said the following; child support was not for bills, he didn't know what I was doing with my money (what money? I paid utilities on credit cards!) and lastly I didn't deserve child support. (Incidently I live in a modest $67,000 house, he still resides in the home we had when married, about twice the value.)

Although in mediation we agreed on 'joint custody', the children reside w/ me, he and his son (my step-son) - who lives with his father (and pays no rent or expenses), have the children or care for them when I am at work. Incidentally I am either at work, or with my children - happily, by my choice. Their 'fathers' have personal and social time that I do not. This is not a problem for me, nor is the fact that both my ex and his son have expendable income - I can accept that not being a luxury I have at this time.... but feeding my children is not a luxury.

I just LOVE the way you see both of the as "fathers" when it comes to physically caring for the children, yet you have decided that the one with the most money is the one that should be financially responsible.

Perhaps my ex and my step-son feel a sense of vindication by my suffering. So be it, but as I said in my original post.... this is not a debt of the children's. Alexandria you have a good point, and I have filled out the paper work to file for child support. And that just may be all that needs to be done by Ohio law, to remedy buying groceries for our home. However, I believe that as wrong as my actions were so many years ago, that my ex-husband and previous step-son, have a level of resposibility that I am enabling them to evade. I am willing to accept my responsibility for my past mistakes, I live my life differently now. I am not horrified to have the truth come out or deal with people's judgment (I will FIERCLY protect my children mind you), on the other hand, by ex and his son have done little or no self-reflection, and would prefer, I'm sure to keep this under wraps, not to mention have to face more responsibility, particularly when it comes to money.

You realize that when you file for child support, the whole story is going to come out and it won't be pretty. But it should solve your financial problems because you will most likely lose custody of the kids.

Thank you for your post and your wish of good luck to me. I merely want the best interest for my children, they are very much loved by all of us, both their fathers, and of course me. It is sad as the origin of all this is, but it is many years later and I will endlessly pursue the best quality of life, for them/me/us... and hope my ex-husband, and step-son will choose to deal with this and move on to the same.

If you want whats best for your children, you need to fix this problem LEGALLY. Have your ex removed as the legal father, have your step son declared the legal father and then go after the step son for child support.

It appears as many who post would have me write myself off for my past, live in disgust and humiliation and give up therefore on myself and my children

....

You're right.

so be it if this is their perspective. Some how they feel I am sick because I forgive myself and found the strength to make that choice.

Because you ARE. You don't have the right to forgive yourself. MOLESTING a child is an unforgivable offense. The only thing you should be feeling is remorse.

Apparently their world does not have room for people to correct their wrong, or be worthy or valuable has a human being once having screwed up,

You didn't make a "mistake". You committed a CRIME. You MOLESTED a child! You have not "corrected" your mistake if you are trying to get child support from your children's GRANDFATHER.

it is unforseeable that I can be of any contribution to society. And they KNOW this ALL by reading - what- 8 paragraphs and have the wisdom to deem my beginning and my ending. Even Jesus the Christ was perfect and was more careful to pass judgement as they do.

Nobody cares if you can contribute to society. Decent, law abiding citizens do not want child molesters in their society whether they have something to contribute or not. This has nothing to do with jesus christ. He didn't molest his step son. But you can be certain that if he came here with the same situation as you, he would receive the same replies.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by ceara19

She broke the law.

Although there is no way to KNOW what will happen in court, if there is a custody battle, she will almost certainly lose. If she is charged with a crime, the prosecutor will most likely go for the maximum sentence. Had she jumped in bed with a 16 year old step son that she had only known for a short time, she would have had a chance to get off with probation, but she she was a part of this boy's life since he was a young child.

How did she break the law? The child was not a blood relative and was over the age of consent. Believe me I am totally disgusted, but unless I am missing something she didn't break the law.

[tigger22472]

Originally Posted by ceara19

She broke the law.
§ 2907.3 Sexual Battery Any person who engages in sexual conduct with any person under 18 and where defendant occupies a specific position of authority, i.e. parent, teacher or coach. (Third degree felony.)

Right there it is... she was in the position of a parent.. maybe not biologically but still in that position.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by tigger22472

Right there it is... she was in the position of a parent.. maybe not biologically but still in that position.

Ok...now I agree. I hadn't found that part of the law.