He's trying to take my child, please help.

[JJKitty01.03]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin

In 2000 my live in boyfriend and I had a baby - while in the hospital he filled out the papers to establish paternity.

In 2003 we parted ways - it was a friendly split. We did not go to court for visitation or support as we had always agreed on these kinds of things so we didn't feel it was necessary.

In 2008 my british boyfriend proposed marriage and asked me to move to Britain to live with him. I did not accept the proposal right away -- I was not going to if it meant that I would have to leave my child behind. I spoke with my ex about it and he thought about it for a few weeks then finally said that yes, the child could go to live in Britain with me.

Since we had never gone to court for anything in the past we didn't feel it necessary now either as we were in agreement that the child could move overseas.

The British Government, however, did require proof that the father gave his permission. We wrote something up stating that permission was granted, and what the terms and conditions are (which basically outlined the communication and visitation they would have - which has been adhered to completely) and had it notarized with both of our signatures. We made 3 copies, 1 for the British Consulate, and 1 for each of us.

Now, 1 year after we made the move, the father has decided that he changed his mind and he no longer wants our child to live overseas. The child is with him now visiting for the summer but he is saying he will not send him home at the end of summer. The father says that there is nothing I can do about this as we never went through the court systems.

Is this true? What should I do next?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin

In 2000 my live in boyfriend and I had a baby - while in the hospital he filled out the papers to establish paternity.

In 2003 we parted ways - it was a friendly split. We did not go to court for visitation or support as we had always agreed on these kinds of things so we didn't feel it was necessary.

In 2008 my british boyfriend proposed marriage and asked me to move to Britain to live with him. I did not accept the proposal right away -- I was not going to if it meant that I would have to leave my child behind. I spoke with my ex about it and he thought about it for a few weeks then finally said that yes, the child could go to live in Britain with me.

Since we had never gone to court for anything in the past we didn't feel it necessary now either as we were in agreement that the child could move overseas.

The British Government, however, did require proof that the father gave his permission. We wrote something up stating that permission was granted, and what the terms and conditions are (which basically outlined the communication and visitation they would have - which has been adhered to completely) and had it notarized with both of our signatures. We made 3 copies, 1 for the British Consulate, and 1 for each of us.

Now, 1 year after we made the move, the father has decided that he changed his mind and he no longer wants our child to live overseas. The child is with him now visiting for the summer but he is saying he will not send him home at the end of summer. The father says that there is nothing I can do about this as we never went through the court systems.

Is this true? What should I do next?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Technically, because it was an unwed situation, you are the only parent with any kind of custody. However, it may be difficult to enforce your custody.

You need to get your butt back to the US and get your child. You are going to need an attorney to get custody officially established.

 

[Proserpina]

You need to speak with an attorney as soon as you can as it looks Dad is going to file for custody.

Stand by for other responses - someone else might have critical knowledge or experience with this.

 

[JJKitty01.03]

Can the courts turn around and say that I can't take him to live overseas even though it's been a year and I have the notarized paper saying he gave permission?

 

[Proserpina]

Can the courts turn around and say that I can't take him to live overseas even though it's been a year and I have the notarized paper saying he gave permission?

Yes - the notarized paper is not binding unless it was actually filed with the court and officially become part of the record.

(This is overly simplistic, but all notarizing really does is verify the identity of the signatories - it doesn't make the document binding)

 

[LdiJ]

Can the courts turn around and say that I can't take him to live overseas even though it's been a year and I have the notarized paper saying he gave permission?

Technically yes, the court could do that. However, if you are properly represented by an attorney its not very likely that the court would do that. Status quo is that the child lives with you in the UK...and dad did give his permission for the child to relocate there with you.

 

[LdiJ]

Yes - the notarized paper is not binding unless it was actually filed with the court and officially become part of the record.

(This is overly simplistic, but all notarizing really does is verify the identity of the signatories - it doesn't make the document binding)

That's not necessarily correct in this instance. In most states (for relocation purposes) you need EITHER the permission of the courts or permission from the other parent...and that is only if there are actual court orders. If there are no court orders then mom has custody by default in an unwed situation and can do whatever she likes. It would be up to dad at that point to take it to court for orders, if he objects.

The notarized piece of paper was dad's consent. Her problem is that there are no official court orders therefore making it difficult to enforce her default custody.

If mom was living in FL, for example, rather than the UK, dad wouldn't have a hope in heck of keeping the child, beyond mom making an emergency trip to court...and it may work that way for this case as well. However, due to the international situation mom needs an attorney on this IMMEDIATELY.

 

[JJKitty01.03]

Thank you all for the responses, this is a very scary time for me as I didn't see it coming. If you can think of anything else that may help my situation I'd appreciate if you'd keep posting to this site as I'll continue to check it.

I am assuming I will need a Family Law attorney in the Milwaukee area.
I know I can search online for one, but does anyone have any recommendations?

 

[Just Blue]

Thank you all for the responses, this is a very scary time for me as I didn't see it coming. If you can think of anything else that may help my situation I'd appreciate if you'd keep posting to this site as I'll continue to check it.

I am assuming I will need a Family Law attorney in the Milwaukee area.
I know I can search online for one, but does anyone have any recommendations?

Why has Dad changed him mind? Did you adhere to the visitation plan? Is your child adjusting well to life in GB? Are son and your BF getting along? Who is paying for transportation for you son to visit with his Dad?

 

[JJKitty01.03]

He says he changed his mind because he didn't realize how much he'd miss him. My son says that daddy makes him feel guilty for liking it in the UK and whenever he tells his dad about something that's different here (like a cookie they have here and not there or a word that is used here that isn't used there) his dad gets upset and says something to the effect of "oh, and that makes it better than the US". So really I think he just misses him and is maybe a little jealous.

The visitation plan has been followed to the letter - there's been absolutely no issues with it at all... School breaks in the UK are different than in the US, but the agreement that was notarized stated 3 weeks at Christmas, 2 weeks at Easter, and 6 weeks in the summer - which is exactly what we've done.
I understand this doesn't seem like much, but he was only seeing him every other weekend before we moved here (so about 4 days a month) so it's actually more visitation than he had previously - and it is what was agreed upon.

My child has adjusted to life here - he's settled into school and is doing very well. He also has made a lot of friends, and has more kids in the area to play with than he had where we lived in Wisconsin.
He gets along very well with my fiance and they do spend time together playing football and Wii and reading together... stuff like that.

My child is now 9 and my fiance has a 9 year old as well. They get along very well most of the time, but they do fight from time to time as kids do. It's never anything major, just stuff like... "he took my DS"... "he's got my football" ... etc... so normal kid stuff.

We have agreed to split the transportation costs. I pay one time, he pays the next, etc... that was agreed beforehand as well. He said it was the least he could do since he doesn't now and never has had to pay child support. I paid for the first trip to start it off as I felt it was only fair.

 

[LdiJ]

Like I said, get yourself an attorney ASAP.

 

[Ohiogal]

Here is the problem -- she needs dad's permission to get this child out of the country again. She had permission to move but she also needs his permission to remove the child yet again from the country. In other words -- she is going to court. This is not going to be a quick easy road.

 

[LdiJ]

Here is the problem -- she needs dad's permission to get this child out of the country again. She had permission to move but she also needs his permission to remove the child yet again from the country. In other words -- she is going to court. This is not going to be a quick easy road.

Well...I agree that she is probably going to court, but the child's legal residence is no longer the US. The US still has jurisdiction of the child under the Hague Convention because the child has not lived in the UK for two full years, but the child's legal residence is still in the UK. Therefore no, I don't think that she needs dad's permission again.

 

[Ohiogal]

Well...I agree that she is probably going to court, but the child's legal residence is no longer the US. The US still has jurisdiction of the child under the Hague Convention because the child has not lived in the UK for two full years, but the child's legal residence is still in the UK. Therefore no, I don't think that she needs dad's permission again.

Actually she would because the child is a US citizen and has a US passport.

 

[Proserpina]

Actually she would because the child is a US citizen and has a US passport.

Dad currently has the child with him, yes?

And outside of the notarized agreement (which was not submitted to the court) there is no court order or ruling allowing Mom take the child to live in another country against Dad's wishes?

Ok. That notarized agreement might be fine as long as Dad doesn't fight it - but it will become virtually meaningless should he change his mind. Without that court order it's highly unlikely that Mom's desire to have kiddo returned to the UK will trump Dad's rights to keep kiddo in the US.

Mom needs to be prepared to hear: "We're very sorry, but we can't help. Until this custody matter is decided in court once and for all, the child has to stay where she is. With Dad"