he'salready married

[madamme]

I recently met a man and the two of us have fallen in love. However, he is already married. We know that bigamy is illegal but would like to be legal bound to allow me the safety of the law, when I move in with him and his wife...I would like to know if there is any way for us to be together legally....any suggestions?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

" . . . would like to be legal bound to allow me the safety of the law, when I move in with him and his wife..."

My response:

Well folks, here's another question for my compilation book, tentatively titled "Whacky Legal Questions to FreeAdvice.Com".

Not only does this writer not give us her State name, and then expects an answer to a legal question when laws in every State are different, but she wants to move in with her new beau AND his wife ! Must be Utah.

IAAL

 

[Ukiah]

Is this for real???!!!

I recently met a man and the two of us have fallen in love. However, he is already married. We know that bigamy is illegal but would like to be legal bound to allow me the safety of the law, when I move in with him and his wife...I would like to know if there is any way for us to be together legally....any suggestions?

PLEASE, seriously, seek professional help. There is something wrong with you wanting to be a man's second wife when he isn't even divorced or widowed.

People always want what the they can't have!

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My dear Ukiah:

It's not so unusual that, nowadays, a woman meets a married man and falls in love. Yes, that's not the "ideal" relationship situation, but it does happen. Morals are apparently not this woman's "strong suit".

However, what's really strange is that she wants to "move in with her boyfriend AND his wife" at some point during this "relationship" (if you can call it that).

Either this woman doesn't realize that the 1960's, along with "Flower Power" and "Free Love" have ended, or her sense and sensibilities are very much skewed.

Out of some strange curiosity, I'd love to read more from our writer to find out what is going on . . .

Perhaps you're correct when you suggest a psychiatrist.

IAAL

 

[Ukiah]

Out of some strange curiosity, I'd love to read more

IAAL

IAAL,

Remember; Curiosity killed that cat....

 

[Grandma B]

"IAAL,

Remember; Curiosity killed that cat....
__________________
Good Luck,
Ukiah"

I know "they" say that, but don't they have 9 wives (oops, I mean lives)!

 

[madamme]

ok, maybe this will answer a few more questions.
I currently live in Illinois. IF I move, I will be moving to Washington. I DO have morals, otherwise I wouldn't be so concerned to post the question in the first place. I have fallen in love with this man, and he has asked me to move in with his wife and him. If not for a relationship then just for us to be close. His wife accepts and also extends the invitation, although this is new to all of us. I realize some may think I need professional help, and to be honest, I realize I would benefit by it in more ways than one. Never the less I am asking for advice/options, from those who wish to give it, professional or not. If you have anymore questions I am more than happy to answer.

 

[Grandma B]

<Sigh>

No, dear, you do not have morals; you don't even have common sense or a sense of self worth. You haven't said how old you are, but I'm sure you'll live long enough to regret any decision to carry out this fantasy. You have everything to lose and nothing to gain.

 

[Ukiah]

All Joking Aside

No, dear, you do not have morals; you don't even have common sense or a sense of self worth. You haven't said how old you are, but I'm sure you'll live long enough to regret any decision to carry out this fantasy. You have everything to lose and nothing to gain.

I agree with Grandma B.

I would also like to add that by your admitting that you may benefit from seeing a psychologist, or mental health counselor, you may find that you do not need to fulfil someone else's fantasy, this takes 'swinging' to a whole different level. You may feel you are in love with this person, but how well do you know them, if they live in a different State? Seriously, how long do you think the "relationship" would last? In your heart you know it isn't forever.

Where did you meet? What do you get out of moving to another state where you know no one? How do you know this man and his wife don't plan on doing some horrific deed to you?

I would be very cautious in making a life decision such as this. Not only will you regret it, you may cause greater harm to your self in the long run.

In the end no matter what we say here, you will do what you want, and may have to find out the hard way if you don't heed the advice given.

Good luck, you're going to need it.

 

[madamme]

It's true, not matter what advice I receive here, ultimately the decision will be made by me. And although I may only be receiving criticism, I do appreciate all the responses.
He and I met through a friend of mine. He and I have spent every night together since we met, only separating for work. I originally did not know that he was married. And since I found out, I honestly don't beleive that he deserves either his wife nor myself. But my feelings for him have not changed. We spend our time getting to know each other and falling even deeper in love. I know that most of you will not be able to understand the feelings I have for him... and you have no sense of my character other than my weighing this moving option. And most of you would have shot the offer down from the beginnig. I understand that. All I ask is that instead of only criticism, you present points to ponder, questions I ahould be asking myself, hypothetical outcomes, and the like....
My mind is not made, and I am struggling with the decision... I know it isn't something that happens everyday, and I never imagined I would be in this position...

 

[HomeGuru]

You may be in other positions if you continue.
If what you said about his wife is true, then all three of you are losers and you all deserve each other.

If you are still searching, search for clues in The Bible.

[Edited by HomeGuru on 03-21-2001 at 02:22 PM]

 

[Grandma B]

You're not in love; you're in lust!

By the way, have you even met his wife?

Please don't do this to yourself!

 

[Ukiah]

It's true, not matter what advice I receive here, ultimately the decision will be made by me.

You're right, we do not understand the situation, and WE would turn the offer down to be involved in something of this nature. We are all skeptical of someone who is married and is having an open affair with his wife's consent. It isn't a stable relationship.

You asked for questions, here's some for you...

What if you were to have children by this man? How would you explain who the other woman is? Do you think that he would leave his wife for you?

What kind of "future" do you expect to have with him once you move in with him and the Mrs.?

As I asked before, how do you know this guy isn't a con of some sort and is playing you for money, or planning to do some other harm to you?

What do you get out of moving to another state where you know no one? How do you know they are not going to take advantage of you once you get there?

I would tell him that if he really wanted to be with you and you were in love SO much that he should do the proper thing and divorce his WIFE before he gets too much more involved with you.

I strongly advise you to seek counseling! the sooner the better.

If you are THIS unsure about the whole situation, then you should NOT be making life plans with this man.

 

[leandra wright]

he's already married

Honey, did you say that you would be moving in with him & his wife??? Does this mean she approves?? To my knowledge yes, bigimy is illegal, you can not legallt get a certificate of marriage or have a binding contract for that, if anything should happen to this man his legal wife would be entitled to all, does he want to divorce herand be with you, how do you feel about there being another woman?

 

[Grandma B]

More ?'s

And what if down the road a ways, he wants to bring in yet another sweetie, or his wife decides to issue an invitation to another guy to join you? And, of course, Leandra is right--if he goes, everything goes to his legal wife; you're out on your ear. How will you feel when you see this man you think you love so deeply in the arms of his wife? Think you can handle all that?

Please understand that we are not criticizing you. We're trying to prevent you from taking an action that can bring you nothing but pain.

A pervert is a pervert is a pervert, and your lover and his wife fit the mold.