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Husband says he wants a divorce. What do I do?

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km28540

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? NC

Out of the blue this morning, my husband said he doesn't want me anymore and wants a divorce. I am completely blindsided by this and have no idea what to do. I don't believe in divorce, but if he files, am I forced into doing it? Also, we have an 8 month old son. What are my rights if my husband tries to take him? My husband has a horrible temper and while he has never really become physically abusive, he has been verbally abusive and I fear what he may do to our son. My husband was brought up in a very physically and verbally abusive situation.
 


Silverplum

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? NC

Out of the blue this morning, my husband said he doesn't want me anymore and wants a divorce. I am completely blindsided by this and have no idea what to do. I don't believe in divorce, but if he files, am I forced into doing it? Also, we have an 8 month old son. What are my rights if my husband tries to take him? My husband has a horrible temper and while he has never really become physically abusive, he has been verbally abusive and I fear what he may do to our son. My husband was brought up in a very physically and verbally abusive situation.
If your H wants a divorce, you will end up divorced. Perhaps he would agree to marriage counseling? You can only ask and try.

As far as the child goes, he belongs to BOTH of you and you both have EQUAL rights to him.

You can never punish someone for what they might do.

I advise you to consult a local attorney or two to discuss your position. Make sure they practice family law. Good luck to you. :)
 

Golfball

Member
By the way, in NC, both parties must live separate and apart (they cannot be under the same roof, even if both parties are in separate bedrooms) for at least one year* before either party can file for absolute divorce.

* - The custom, at least where I live, is to file one year + one day after date of separation. Then there is no ambiguity that the year requirement has been met. Saves time and attorney's fees.
 

km28540

Junior Member
It's hard to just kick someone out that you love with all of your heart. Also, I'm a Christian and don't believe in divorce. I'm all for separation though if there's a need for counseling. I told him that I wanted his things gone by midnight tonight. We'll see what happens. I can't change him and I'm not going to put our child at risk. Divorce is just so final. I want to see if he'll work through things first. I'm very much willing to seek counseling. Right now, it all depends on him.
 

BillysGirl

Junior Member
Keep your head up. If thats what he wants, and he doesn`t want to go to counseling to try and work things out, then you are better off. Like another poster said, let him ruin someone else`s life. There is someone out there for everyone. Good luck to you!;)
 

JustAPal00

Senior Member
I'm sorry! Divorce is a very hard thing to go through. My advice is to get involved with your church, friends, or a hobby. You need to find positive things to be involved with like your child. Time does pass and wounds do heal!
 

nofaith

Junior Member
What to do?

Hi, i'm sorry to hear about your situation. I'm kinda in the same situation, my wife wants out of our marrage. And i would rather try to work thru things, but she say it's over. We are currently in the same apartment, so it's a very difficult situation. Most of our problems are money related, and outside influences. I hope things work out for you. BTY, i have two children involved in my situation. And i don't want to be apart from them. Good Luck and God Bless.
 

Colorado Belle

Junior Member
I understand your not believing in divorce...I don't either. The other posters are correct in saying that if one partner really wants the divorce that it will happen...at least eventually.
If you are sure that you believe the marriage is worth saving, then you need to take advantage of the one year rule in your state.

I suggest that you get a copy of DivorceBusting by Michele Weiner Davis and read it through. There is some really good advice AND some really good things to do to help change your H's outlook on the marriage. She also has a website forum of others trying to work through the same issues: www.divorcebusting.com. I used the book to save my marriage back in 1995 and it worked for my marriage and 5 other marriages that were in trouble at that time. Unfortunately, my X and I divorced 8 years later...but we had some really good years before that happened and I feel it was due to things I learned in that book. Counseling can be great...but only if you find a counselor that really believes that the marriage can be saved. Too many believe that hte marriage is already over...and if your counselor doesn't believe,you can rest assured that your H won't either. A lot of times a new baby causes issues that one partner just can't seem to work out in his mind....a good counselor and an educated spouse (read the book!) can often help that person see a better outcome than divorce. There's one more thing that often makes a recalcitrant partner look at alternatives to divorce: the cost. Perhaps once your X understands the financial responsibility he will have, he will become more interested in making changes together to construct a new and better marriage where you both can feel happy.

I don't believe in divorce; nor do I believe that you should stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of your children. What I believe is that you should work very hard to make a happy marriage....for the sake of your children. Good luck to you and I hope things work out! In any case, I wish you and your baby the very best. You will need a lot of support no matter the outcome and I hope you have friends and family that can be there for you.
If all else fails, get some counseling for yourself.
 

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