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  1. #1
    onesecnd is offline Junior Member
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    Question Husband Withholding Money

    What is the name of your state? VA
    I'm actually asking these questions for my sister, who lives in VA.

    A little background first: they have had marital difficulties in the recent past and she has recently undergone chemo treatments for cancer. She is a recovering alcoholic. Due to the marital difficulties, she lived with a friend (a female friend....just friends) for about 2 months. Now she has returned to the family home an has been there for about 2 months. They have been married for 18 years. Her husband has kept very little money in the joint account (he makes $100,000 per year) and has a private stash. She has now been able to get her old job back, selling real estate, but it of course takes time before you start to make any money. Last week she had car trouble. She asked her husband to help her and he told her it wasn't his problem. She took the car in to a shop to be fixed, to the tune of $500. She was able to pay for the repairs by taking $167 out of their joint account and paid for the rest out of the little she's been able to earn renting out apartments. He keeps very little food in the house, takes himself and their 2 children out to dinner every night, doesn't let her come with them. He has bought himself a new car and a used car for their 17 year old daughter. Now he has closed their joint checking account and is keeping all the money in another account. Also, he brings home alcohol every night and drinks in front of her (he does know that she is a recovering alcoholic and is going to AA meetings).

    Questions:
    1. Isn't there some kind of law that a husband is supposed to take care of his wife...food, lodging, clothing, money that she access to, etc.?

    2. Isn't his income considered marital property?

    3. Would it be considered abusive for him to bring home alcohol and drink it in front of her since she's a recovering alcoholic?

    Sorry this post is so long, but as you can see, there is a lot involved. Any advise would be helpful. I live in AR and don't know VA laws.
    Last edited by onesecnd; 06-20-2005 at 03:09 PM.
  2. #2
    LdiJ is online now Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by onesecnd
    What is the name of your state? VA
    I'm actually asking these questions for my sister, who lives in VA.

    A little background first: they have had marital difficulties in the recent past and she has recently undergone chemo treatments for cancer. She is a recovering alcoholic. Due to the marital difficulties, she lived with a friend (a female friend....just friends) for about 2 months. Now she has returned to the family home an has been there for about 2 months. They have been married for 18 years. Her husband has kept very little money in the joint account (he makes $100,000 per year) and has a private stash. She has now been able to get her old job back, selling real estate, but it of course takes time before you start to make any money. Last week she had car trouble. She asked her husband to help her and he told her it wasn't his problem. She took the car in to a shop to be fixed, to the tune of $500. She was able to pay for the repairs by taking $167 out of their joint account and paid for the rest out of the little she's been able to earn renting out apartments. He keeps very little food in the house, takes himself and their 2 children out to dinner every night, doesn't let her come with them. He has bought himself a new car and a used car for their 17 year old daughter. Now he has closed their joint checking account and is keeping all the money in another account. Also, he brings home alcohol every night and drinks in front of her (he does know that she is a recovering alcoholic and is going to AA meetings).

    Questions:
    1. Isn't there some kind of law that a husband is supposed to take care of his wife...food, lodging, clothing, money that she access to, etc.?

    2. Isn't his income considered marital property?

    3. Would it be considered abusive for him to bring home alcohol and drink it in front of her since she's a recovering alcoholic?

    Sorry this post is so long, but as you can see, there is a lot involved. Any advise would be helpful. I live in AR and don't know VA laws.
    It sounds to me like she needs to file for divorce...and alimony...she is clearly being abused. I am almost more disgusted at her 17 year old daughter than I am at her husband.
  3. #3
    onesecnd is offline Junior Member
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    In response to c3dlc2....I'm not sure what to make of your cartoon...are you giving me the "bird"...or is this directed to someone else? I don't speak French, so unfortunately, your comment is basically meaningless.
  4. #4
    onesecnd is offline Junior Member
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    to LdiJ: I agree that she needs to get a divorce w/alimony! Unfortunately, she doesn't have the funds to start that process at this time. I'm curious why you're more disgusted at the 17 yr old daughter than my sister's husband? The husband is initiating the maltreatment...and through one ploy or another is getting the children in on the act.

    Still, does anyone know if there's anything she can do at this time...until she gets the funds together to seek a divorce?

    Thanks for your help.
  5. #5
    LdiJ is online now Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by onesecnd
    to LdiJ: I agree that she needs to get a divorce w/alimony! Unfortunately, she doesn't have the funds to start that process at this time. I'm curious why you're more disgusted at the 17 yr old daughter than my sister's husband? The husband is initiating the maltreatment...and through one ploy or another is getting the children in on the act.

    Still, does anyone know if there's anything she can do at this time...until she gets the funds together to seek a divorce?

    Thanks for your help.
    I am disgusted with the 17 year old because she is old enough to know that her mother is being maltreated, and old enough to have influence over her father. No food in the house and the kids and dad go out to eat every night?...and mom isn't permitted to go?...mom just completed chemo???

    I think that you should pull your family together to find your sister funds to retain an attorney. She will be entitled to 1/2 of the marital property....she will be able to pay you back.
  6. #6
    onesecnd is offline Junior Member
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    >>I am disgusted with the 17 year old because she is old enough to know that her mother is being maltreated, and old enough to have influence over her father. No food in the house and the kids and dad go out to eat every night?...and mom isn't permitted to go?...mom just completed chemo???

    I think that you should pull your family together to find your sister funds to retain an attorney. She will be entitled to 1/2 of the marital property....she will be able to pay you back.<<

    That's what I thought your reason would be. The rest of our family feels the same. I'll be talking to my sister tonight...hopefully she won't be too "proud" to accept the help.

    Thanks for your help!!

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