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Hypehen(sp?) a childs name without consent of biological father

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amsteadman

Junior Member
Im in Colorado. I would like to change my sons last name but i know his "father" wont let me. So is there a way i can hyphen his name with my soon to be new married name so he doesnt feel left out. He doesnt have a relationship with our child , michael thinks my fiance is his daddy he has been there for him specially during now( i lost a daughter to SIDS four months ago) Michael's name is Michael Wayne Steadman, I just want to Steadman-Enyeart
any ideas?
 


Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
Im in Colorado. I would like to change my sons last name but i know his "father" wont let me. So is there a way i can hyphen his name with my soon to be new married name so he doesnt feel left out. He doesnt have a relationship with our child , michael thinks my fiance is his daddy he has been there for him specially during now( i lost a daughter to SIDS four months ago) Michael's name is Michael Wayne Steadman, I just want to Steadman-Enyeart
any ideas?
Good job on lying to your son. Good job on facilitating the father/son relationship.
You will need to get the FATHER'S (not "father") permission for this name change...
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Im in Colorado. I would like to change my sons last name but i know his "father" wont let me. So is there a way i can hyphen his name with my soon to be new married name so he doesnt feel left out. He doesnt have a relationship with our child , michael thinks my fiance is his daddy he has been there for him specially during now( i lost a daughter to SIDS four months ago) Michael's name is Michael Wayne Steadman, I just want to Steadman-Enyeart
any ideas?


Yes! But you won't like it.

Why don't you all change your names to match that of your son? Problem solved!

I do hope you are telling your son the truth about your fiance NOT being his Daddy.

This is what's often referred to as a "back door" adoption. So, unless you can get permission from either Dad or the court, a name change isn't likely to happen.

Legally at least.
 

RRevak

Senior Member
Good job on lying to your son. Good job on facilitating the father/son relationship.
You will need to get the FATHER'S (not "father") permission for this name change...
Ugh, people like this bother me :mad:. My hubs has been pretty much the only "father" in my lil bits life since she was 2 and she's now 7. Never once have we tried to make him dad, call him dad, or let her forget that she has a dad but that things in his life make it difficult for him to see her. It always makes me sad to see so many parents try to replace real dads (yes, even if they're crummy) with "dads". Sorry, i'll step off my soap box now :)

BUT, I might have to slightly disagree with you here Zig. I'm currently going through this issue here in FL :)D I understand the situation with OP may or may not be the same as they're in a totally different state) and according to my lawyer the situation can be weighed upon whats in the best interest of the child. If dad has been out of the pic for a large number of years without contact with the child then a judge may weigh in the childs interests without the need for consent from dad, and allow for the hyphenated last name. Op needs to consult with a reputable family attorney who can review the details of the situation and advise what to do from there.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
It's not gonna happen in CO without the CONSENT of the noncustodial parent. (*with edit in later post*)

I'm not interested, however, in providing forms and processes to someone who lies to her child and speaks of the father of the child in such derogatory terms.
 
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Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
Ugh, people like this bother me :mad:. My hubs has been pretty much the only "father" in my lil bits life since she was 2 and she's now 7. Never once have we tried to make him dad, call him dad, or let her forget that she has a dad but that things in his life make it difficult for him to see her. It always makes me sad to see so many parents try to replace real dads (yes, even if they're crummy) with "dads". Sorry, i'll step off my soap box now :)

BUT, I might have to slightly disagree with you here Zig. I'm currently going through this issue here in FL :)D I understand the situation with OP may or may not be the same as they're in a totally different state) and according to my lawyer the situation can be weighed upon whats in the best interest of the child. If dad has been out of the pic for a large number of years without contact with the child then a judge may weigh in the childs interests without the need for consent from dad, and allow for the hyphenated last name. Op needs to consult with a reputable family attorney who can review the details of the situation and advise what to do from there.
Our OP says her son believes that the new BF is "dad". That is wrong.
I will concede, however, that I would have been more accurate in saying that our OP will need to properly serve the FATHER of the child so that he has the opportunity to object. His explicit permission may not be required if proper service is effected.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
It's not gonna happen in CO without the CONSENT of the noncustodial parent.

I'm not interested, however, in providing forms and processes to someone who lies to her child and speaks of the father of the child in such derogatory terms.
Unfortunately, this is not entirely accurate. But I agree with the second part of your statement.
 

RRevak

Senior Member
Our OP says her son believes that the new BF is "dad". That is wrong.
I will concede, however, that I would have been more accurate in saying that our OP will need to properly serve the FATHER of the child so that he has the opportunity to object. His explicit permission may not be required if proper service is effected.
Yes I'm aware :mad: :eek: And now to further her lies she wants to make child have the same last name as pretend daddy ergo making the lie that much bigger!...that poor kid, my heart breaks for him when he finds out the truth :eek:
 

amsteadman

Junior Member
OK For one, I have tried to keep my childs relationship and his father strong, but after a while of him not being there for my son and just bad mouthing his mother infront of the kid well even the kid gets tired of it too. Michael knows who his real "father" is.
New flash you dont have to be biological to be a dad, any man can father a baby takes a real one to be a daddy. My boyfriend is always there for my son and takes care of him.
I didnt ask for judgement i asked for advice....
And unless you are a single mom trying to take care of your son and dealing with a dead beat for a father, dont judge me or my family.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
OK For one, I have tried to keep my childs relationship and his father strong, but after a while of him not being there for my son and just bad mouthing his mother infront of the kid well even the kid gets tired of it too. Michael knows who his real "father" is.
New flash you dont have to be biological to be a dad, any man can father a baby takes a real one to be a daddy. My boyfriend is always there for my son and takes care of him.
I didnt ask for judgement i asked for advice....
And unless you are a single mom trying to take care of your son and dealing with a dead beat for a father, dont judge me or my family.



Now, what was your further legal question?

You DID choose this "deadbeat" to be Dad...you realize that, yes?

That you decided way back when that he was absolutely FINE to be Daddy material?
 

cyjeff

Senior Member
OK For one, I have tried to keep my childs relationship and his father strong, but after a while of him not being there for my son and just bad mouthing his mother infront of the kid well even the kid gets tired of it too. Michael knows who his real "father" is.
Yes.

It is the man mommy had sex with.

New flash you dont have to be biological to be a dad, any man can father a baby takes a real one to be a daddy. My boyfriend is always there for my son and takes care of him.
But DAD provided half of his genetic material. The rest doesn't legally matter.

I didnt ask for judgement i asked for advice....
And unless you are a single mom trying to take care of your son and dealing with a dead beat for a father, dont judge me or my family.
How about a step dad to a child that has never met her father because he chose not to be in her life?

How about a stepdaughter that has retained her last name because I am not her father? Just the man that loves her daily.

Ya know what... she survives. She, in fact, thrives. She has never wondered if I provided her genetic material... and she giggles when people say how alike we look. She always knows I love her and it doesn't take a label intended to make MOM feel better to prove that love.

I assure you that YOU are making a MUCH bigger deal over this than the kid ever will. YOU want to pretend that DAD doesn't exist. The law (and good sense) won't allow that.

Sure, sometimes her friends refer to me as Mr. X (with the X being HER last name) and I just shrug it off. Life is too short to get caught up in labels.

How is THAT, princess? Are my bonafides enough for you? Don't give ME crap, girl... I have already walked your path.

You need to take that attitude, put it in a box and then lose the box. Do it for your son.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
OK For one, I have tried to keep my childs relationship and his father strong, but after a while of him not being there for my son and just bad mouthing his mother infront of the kid well even the kid gets tired of it too. Michael knows who his real "father" is.
New flash you dont have to be biological to be a dad, any man can father a baby takes a real one to be a daddy. My boyfriend is always there for my son and takes care of him.
I didnt ask for judgement i asked for advice....
And unless you are a single mom trying to take care of your son and dealing with a dead beat for a father, dont judge me or my family.


I strongly suggest you choose a different user name in future.

Your social networking pages tell a LOT about you.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
OK For one, I have tried to keep my childs relationship and his father strong, but after a while of him not being there for my son and just bad mouthing his mother infront of the kid well even the kid gets tired of it too. Michael knows who his real "father" is.
Apparently not. You are telling him that your fiancee is his father - which is an outright lie. It's despicable and could be very costly. Just a couple of things that could happen:

1. Child has some kind of genetic problem in the future (or you find out that father has some tendency toward a disease that the boy needs to know about for his own health). He finds out about this when he's 18. Blows up, big shouting match. You never see him again.

2. Your fiancee leaves (either before or after the marriage). Your son now loses his 'father' who isn't his father after all. The story will come out - and your role as a lying, scheming woman becomes apparent to all. Oh, and the child wouldn't be receiving child support from ANYONE.

3. If the father finds out about it, he can sue for custody - and possibly win - because of your deception. Oh, and btw, since you used everyone's name in violation of board guidelines, you just told the whole world of your deception.

Children have a biological father and mother (with only one exception in recorded history if you believe that). They have a right to know who that is. A stepfather can ACT like a father. A stepfather can love a child. Spend time with a child. Nurture a child. But he can not LEGALLY OR MORALLY take the place of the father.

New flash you dont have to be biological to be a dad, any man can father a baby takes a real one to be a daddy. My boyfriend is always there for my son and takes care of him.
I didnt ask for judgement i asked for advice....
And unless you are a single mom trying to take care of your son and dealing with a dead beat for a father, dont judge me or my family.
You got the advice you asked for.

You are also completely wrong in your assumptions. Many of us have been in exactly the position you're in.
 

amsteadman

Junior Member
actualyl no i didnt get the advice i asked for i got ignorant judgements. Michael knows who his father is he always has. like i said Michael just calls nick daddy nick and richie daddy. He has told me he has two daddies. I make sure michael tries and call richie at least twice a week. But after richie blows him off so many times he doesnt get interested. I even am paying for a landline to be put in my home so richie can call michael at the house and not my cell.
So no you are not giving me advice you are being hostile and heartless.
Really you have been in my shoes? You were struggling with being prego and have a toddler and a deadbeat for a husband who didnt want your kids, and abondoned you? You have given birth to a baby girl then 5 weeks later lost her to SIDS. You have tried to keep communication open between the biological father and your son?
Have you had to bury your baby?
And i have notified richie that michael was calling nick daddy nick and that we tried to correct it for two months and finally the child therapist said to go ahead and let my son call nick daddy nick. As long as he knows who he is real father is. Nick is good to my son. Richie loves his son but doesnt do whats best for him. Hes a very selfish person. But i tell michael every day that both of his daddies love him and richie is trying. I dont let michael be rude to him on the phone and i keep richie updated on michael in every way, even when he is rude and verbally abusive.
So no you havent been where i have been.
So pull you head out of your judgemental asses
I only asked cause michael has been calling himself enyeart and i tell him no its steadman. But i figured i would find out for him, if i cant do it now, then later down the road if he still wants to change it i will support him. Dont call me cupcake or any other derogotory(sp) names thank you, i had a legiate question and was just trying to get answers, but i guess everyone thinks they know everything.....either way i know im a good mom , and even if I chose a bad person to father my son, I did the right thing by getting away from his abuse and drugs, ect. My son will always know where he came from but he wil know he doesnt have to be like his sperm donor.....
thanks for your interesting thoughts, and ignorance....
 
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