I feel very stupid

What is the name of your state? Missouri
Uhm I do apologize, my first questions are really bad ones. I have 2 young boys(2 1/2 & 1) I am not married to thier father but we are together. They have his last name. Do I automatically have custody, or do we have joint custody, or? Do i need something in writing besides thier birth certificates to prove they are mine? If I leave him do I need to take steps to prevent him from taking them from me?

Next subject... my mother...is crazy. She came to visit without any warning. She has not been around since my first son was born. She says that my b/f is abusing and neglecting my kids. That is absoluetly untrue. He is basically worthless...unemployed, ect., but he has never hurt anyone in any way. She has very serious mental issues since the death of my brother. Can I somehow force her to get help? She tried to tell me she was going to take my boys home with her. I love her but i cant let her near my kids with these problems....I had to call the police to get her to listen to me.

Last issue. This is a bad one. my boys share a room. they sleep on a twin bed together. is that ok? thier room also has a lock so we can keep them in at night or if one of us is here alone and takes a shower. reason for that is my 2yr opens doors and windows....they will both leave the house if they get a chance. but my mother says its abuse to lock them in at all, even for this very important safety issue. is it? and if so, what am i supposed to do?

please help.....i live for my kids and if im doing something wrong i need to know...they are very healthy and happy boys..thanx cw

[Grace_Adler]

As far as I know, them sleeping in a twin bed together is not really an issue. I know in the old days it wasn't but times have changed but I wouldn't worry about it right now, especially as young as they are. When my half sister used to come over and visit, we slept in a twin bed together.

Can you go look for some different locks for the doors, like the kind you have a key to from the inside? And some chains? Also you might want to look for some safety latches for the windows or something. Can they climb over a baby gate? You might want to try to put one of those up too.

Do I automatically have custody, or do we have joint custody, or? Do i need something in writing besides thier birth certificates to prove they are mine? If I leave him do I need to take steps to prevent him from taking them from me?

ANSWER: Yes you do, but, depending on the paternity, so does the father.

She has very serious mental issues since the death of my brother. Can I somehow force her to get help? She tried to tell me she was going to take my boys home with her. I love her but i cant let her near my kids with these problems....I had to call the police to get her to listen to me.

ANSWER: No, you can't force her to get help. But you can lock the doors, not let her near the children and put a restraining order against her if she continues harrassing and threatening you.

This is a bad one. my boys share a room. they sleep on a twin bed together. is that ok? thier room also has a lock so we can keep them in at night or if one of us is here alone and takes a shower.

ANSWER: My two brothers and I slept together in a king bed until I (the youngest) was 4 because, to put it simply, we were dirt poor.

As for the shower, wait to take it until the boys are asleep. I personally would not lock the bedroom door, but if you are concerned about them getting out then lock the front and back doors and the windows.

The problem with locking the bedroom door is they are confined and can't get to you if there is a fire in the bedroom or some other emergency.

thank you for your answers. i have a baby gate for my kitchen, but my 2 yr old will climb over it if he has the chance. unfortunately the locks on the windows and doors are something he has already figured out. the one on thier door is on the outside so he cant get out. he can get in because he understands how the lock works.
my mother called family services and they were here today. they did say the lock was inappropriate and suggested the baby lock that you put on the doorknob. so i hope by the time he figures out that one, he will be old enough to understand not to go outside. thanx again. cw