If the father takes the child away from the mother...?

[SpiritedTigress]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Nevada

Im not sure if this is in the correct forum... if it is not you have my apologies.


I am 19 years old, and my boyfriend is 21. We had a baby girl 4 months ago. His mother is inconsiderate of my feelings and views towards my child. She does not listen when i tell her she cant hold her, she's always touching and kissing my baby even though i tell her not to. My child has been sick two or three times because of this.
Now. Dean and I are not married. We dont even have plans. Please do not critisize me for this, that is not what i am here for. We had an argument earlier and he told me "She's not YOUR baby! She's OUR baby! I can take her wherever i want!" Because i told him that Ana was staying with me. I do not want my 4month-old baby leaving my sight. He did not end up leaving, but for future referance, lets say he had. Lets say that he left with our baby and i called the police. Who would be in the wrong? What would happen to me, Dean, and our baby?


Thank you so much for taking the time out to read this. I appreciate it dearly.
Ashley

[OldandTired]

You have no order from the court establishing anything at this point. Dean cannot be charged with Violation of Court Order, if one does not exist.

While you will be creating an adversarial situation by doing so, the only way to protect having your child with you, is to file a Custody Plan with the Court. Before this plan would be accepted and signed by the Judge, you would have to show in that plan where it is in the best interest of the child, and that both parents, whether ever married or not, play a role in the raising of the child. You may also be asked to establish paternity if Dean begins to deny that he is the baby's father.

If you make any moves to exclude Dean from your daughters life, you will find yourself in hot water with the Judge, and if Dean, or an attorney retained by him, enters a different more favorable plan, and one that you normally wouldn't agree to because it wasn't drafted by you, could become the standard order that you will come to learn and love.

If remarks like these, "I can take her anywhere I want to", have already begun, prepare yourself for a battle in Court.

[SpiritedTigress]

Dean is a good father. He would not intentionally hurt her... When she was a newborn he took her into her parents house in her car seat and sat her on the floor, just to have the dog come over and try to lick all over her. He also sets her in her car seat up high, and doesnt even make sure that the seat is level and wont fall off. We've argued about this twice today alone and every time he says something along the lines of "it was only for a minute, i was just getting something". He leaves her on the edge of the bed, and she's just learned to roll over. That one minute could hurt her, badly. I have no intention of keeping her out of his life, i love them both very much. I just dont want him taking her over there, or anywhere. Shes my baby. His brother is on house arrest (and he's bi-polar, he punches holes in their walls and attempted to drown the dog) and his other brother keeps guns in the house. I dont want him around my baby, ESPECIALLY around the brother on house arrest! He got into jail in the first place by taking meth before his probation meeting.


So... i have to file a Custody Plan? I will look into that. OldandTired, thank you so much for your help.

[OldandTired]

While you may be thankful, you are forgetting the very most important part of this whole thing.

She is not your baby. She is yours and Dean's. Believe me, once he is served with a citation to appear in court, this will turn adversarial.

One approach to this to where you might avoid such a scenario, is sit with him and talk to him, and let him know that you would like something in writing, something you both agree on, but that you will not feel comfortable until it is signed by a Judge, so that way, you involve him the process of creating this Custody Plan, and not go behind his back so-to-speak, to get it.

If he balks at you for suggesting this, tell him that you both have the next 18 years to deal with such custody and visitation issues, and that you would feel more comfortable if he were the other half of creating it, since he is the other half of creating your daughter, and that you do not want anything adversarial.

Just depends on how you want to approach this. If he gives you a fit and tells you that there is no need for a Custody Plan, then you'll know where you stand, and what you have to do. Advise him that should he decide not to be a part in the creation of this plan, one will be made for him, and once a Judge signs it, that's it.

Lose the practice right now of referring to Ana as, "my baby". Once you get used to this, it makes things all the more easier to deal with.

[SpiritedTigress]

I say "my baby" because when i am speaking to you, "our baby" would sound a bit odd. To me at least. I know that she is both Deans and mine. I would never take our Anastasia somewhere threatening, especially if he says so many times "not without me".
We will sit down, right now and write out some agreements and sign them. I never thought of this. Excellent idea, thank you.
I am not looking for "warm-fuzzy". Im looking to keep Ana safe. Thank you for being honest, i do appreciate it.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by SpiritedTigress

I say "my baby" because when i am speaking to you, "our baby" would sound a bit odd. To me at least. I know that she is both Deans and mine. I would never take our Anastasia somewhere threatening, especially if he says so many times "not without me".
We will sit down, right now and write out some agreements and sign them. I never thought of this. Excellent idea, thank you.
I am not looking for "warm-fuzzy". Im looking to keep Ana safe. Thank you for being honest, i do appreciate it.

You are so young. ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE can be threatening to a baby.

[OldandTired]

While it is excellent that you can both sit down and create this plan, after you've finished, you should take it to an attorney that will put it all in a format that the courts are used to seeing, the attorney will submit it to the Court for review and approval, and then the Judge will sign it.

Once the Judge signs it, never forget this part. That Order of the Court, which it will become, is just that, an Order. Don't muddle things up by violating it, and having Dean drag you back, or vice-versa, in front of the very Judge that signed it. Judges don't like it when people violate their orders.

Make sure that you have birthdays, holidays, Easter Week, Spring Break, everything, covered before you take it and your money to an attorney. You do not want this to cost either of you an enormous amount of money. As long as you make sure it is complete, so will be your money.

Do not put things in this plan that give the appearance of one of you trying to "micro-manage" the other. In other words, you cannot dictate to Dean what he will and will not do during his times of possession, and likewise. Something else you should also ready yourself for now, so it doesn't come as a shock later. There will be things that both of you will do that the other may not like, but that's life. So long as your baby isn't in danger, there's not much you would be able to do about it anyway.

One thing you might consider having in this plan, for the well-being of your daughter, is something that would stipulate that at no time is your daughter to be inside (home, car, etc.), in the presence of people smoking. If you want to be able to enforce something, it has to be in there. Your plan should also include what is agreeable in taking your child out of the county of residence. There are many things to consider here. Cover them all before you go to the attorney.

[Ohiogal]

Realize that not everything in an agreed plan is necessarily going to be enforceable however. You may agree to it and it may become an order but it is not necessarily going to be enforceable.

[Gracie3787]

Originally Posted by SpiritedTigress

His mother is inconsiderate of my feelings and views towards my child. She does not listen when i tell her she cant hold her, she's always touching and kissing my baby even though i tell her not to. My child has been sick two or three times because of this.

Why don't you want your child's Grandmother to hold her grandchild?
Has this been your feelings all along, or did the Grandmother have a cold, etc?

It sounds like you are the one who is being inconsiderate. Your daughter desrves to be held and loved by all of her family members, especially Grandparents. You seem to be trying to be a good mother, but you are going overboard on trying to protect your child. Unless the Grandmaother is truly sick with a cold, flu, etc. try lightening up, let her hold her grandaughter. Since you'll be going into court with your daughter's father, it will help if you can show that you want all of the family involved in your daughter's life.

[nextwife]

Do you let YOUR mother hold and kiss the baby?

BTW: My daughter has not had ANY living grandparents since she was age 8. And from age two she's only had ONE living grandparent. She'd give anything to have a grandparent still alive who could hug or kiss her.