Intimidated into staying

[Tah701]

What is the name of your state? North Dakota

I'm sorry if this is the wrong section here, I tried to post it the best place I could.


I have a girlfriend who lived here with me but then went back to her home state and we've been in a long distance relationship for some time now. I decided I wanted to break up a long time ago but seeing as how I was her only financial support, I told her a few months ago I'd only be helping her until January.

Well now that it's almost here, she's always threatening to "ruin my life" and stuff like that. Now this would include her harassing my family and me and stuff like that. My biggest fear though is that she'll take it to another extreme and lie. She has snapped about me leaving her so I'm afraid she might lie about how I might have physically or sexually abused her, stuff like that. Not to be sexist, but I know that can be easy for a female to say.

I'm afraid about going to the authorities and/or getting a restraining order because I don't want her to get overly mad and take it to that extreme?

How can I protect myself?

I know boyfriends and girlfriends break up all the time, it can't be this difficult.




THANK YOU for any advice!

[majomom1]

Originally Posted by Tah701

What is the name of your state? North Dakota

I'm sorry if this is the wrong section here, I tried to post it the best place I could.


I have a girlfriend who lived here with me but then went back to her home state and we've been in a long distance relationship for some time now. I decided I wanted to break up a long time ago but seeing as how I was her only financial support, I told her a few months ago I'd only be helping her until January.

Well now that it's almost here, she's always threatening to "ruin my life" and stuff like that. Now this would include her harassing my family and me and stuff like that. My biggest fear though is that she'll take it to another extreme and lie. She has snapped about me leaving her so I'm afraid she might lie about how I might have physically or sexually abused her, stuff like that. Not to be sexist, but I know that can be easy for a female to say.

I'm afraid about going to the authorities and/or getting a restraining order because I don't want her to get overly mad and take it to that extreme?

How can I protect myself?

I know boyfriends and girlfriends break up all the time, it can't be this difficult.




THANK YOU for any advice!

Where is her home state? Is she still there?

If she is not in the same state... how/what could she possibly lie about?

[Tah701]

Originally Posted by majomom1

Where is her home state? Is she still there?

If she is not in the same state... how/what could she possibly lie about?

Tennessee, yes she's still there.

She actually left 2 years ago and only came to visit once in March of this year. And like I said I'm scared that she could say I some how physically or sexually abused her or her children something like that for the time we were together which I obviously never did....anything like that. Anything to damage me, my safety, my character..everything.

I realize I sound overly paranoid but she's lost her mind about losing my financial support (not really me) and said herself she'll be sure I suffer if she has to financially suffer without me.

[majomom1]

Originally Posted by Tah701

Tennessee, yes she's still there.

She actually left 2 years ago and only came to visit once in March of this year. And like I said I'm scared that she could say I some how physically or sexually abused her or her children something like that for the time we were together which I obviously never did....anything like that. Anything to damage me, my safety, my character..everything.

I realize I sound overly paranoid but she's lost her mind about losing my financial support (not really me) and said herself she'll be sure I suffer if she has to financially suffer without me.

Yep... you are way over paranoid. If you have done nothing... then you have nothing to fear.

There is nothing she can say that will harm you. If March was the last time you saw her, then any charge or allegation she makes will not hold much water now, unless of course you committed murder or something.

Stick to the deadline, then do not communicate with her. Let all her calls go to voice mail and don't respond. If she leaves threatening messages, go to the police and report it. If she continues... file for an RO.

[Tah701]

I'm glad to hear that I'm paranoid. When somebody threatens to ruin my life and make me suffer and stuff like that, I feel the need to take it seriously.

I have honestly done nothing wrong to her or anybody for that matter. I'll do my best to avoid all contact with her in January as planned.

Thanks for the advice...


Do you think I should let the police know about the threats now? Or will I need more proof than my word for them to at least make note of it? I'm not looking to get her in any kind of trouble yet.

[majomom1]

Originally Posted by Tah701

I'm glad to hear that I'm paranoid. When somebody threatens to ruin my life and make me suffer and stuff like that, I feel the need to take it seriously.

I have honestly done nothing wrong to her or anybody for that matter. I'll do my best to avoid all contact with her in January as planned.

Thanks for the advice...


Do you think I should let the police know about the threats now? Or will I need more proof than my word for them to at least make note of it? I'm not looking to get her in any kind of trouble yet.

I would only do that now, unless she has threatened bodily harm. Otherwise there isn't much they can do as it is only harrassment... and she is in another state. You will need proof other than your word.... voice mails, emails, phone logs with excessive calls etc... They can't do anything just because she is a pain in the azz.. You may have to deal with some of it for a bit.. but by that I mean ignore her calls and all communication.

If were you, I would stop all contact now. Does she ever email you? Let all her calls go to voice mail and only answer/respond to the ones that you need to. Then do the rest in email so you have a written record.

I wouldn't respond to her at all, it I were you. She will have to come to you to cause any problems, and if she does, then go to the police and file harrassment if she won't stop. The police are going to wonder why you let this go on for two years and continued to support her. It almost sounds like she is blackmailing you. So... you need to break it all off and stop. She will go away. It may just take some time.

[Gracie3787]

Originally Posted by Tah701

I'm glad to hear that I'm paranoid. When somebody threatens to ruin my life and make me suffer and stuff like that, I feel the need to take it seriously.

I have honestly done nothing wrong to her or anybody for that matter. I'll do my best to avoid all contact with her in January as planned.

Thanks for the advice...


Do you think I should let the police know about the threats now? Or will I need more proof than my word for them to at least make note of it? I'm not looking to get her in any kind of trouble yet.

I have a different view of this than majomom does. I've seen several cases, including one I was involved with, where a court will automatically believe a woman's allegations.

Hopefully that won't happen in your case, however, to be on the safe side you should take copies of any letters or emails to the police. Although they'll probably refuse to file a report, you can ask them just to have it on record that you did notify them. This is what my hubby and I did after his ex sent a threatening letter, and it really helped, when ex found out she let up on the threats.

Also, you should NOT have any further contact with her at all.

[majomom1]

Originally Posted by Gracie3787

I have a different view of this than majomom does. I've seen several cases, including one I was involved with, where a court will automatically believe a woman's allegations.
Hopefully that won't happen in your case, however, to be on the safe side you should take copies of any letters or emails to the police. Although they'll probably refuse to file a report, you can ask them just to have it on record that you did notify them. This is what my hubby and I did after his ex sent a threatening letter, and it really helped, when ex found out she let up on the threats.

Also, you should NOT have any further contact with her at all.

I have seen this too... and know that it can happen. But OP is in ND and she is in TN. There has been no physical contact since March... so she would be very hard pressed to get a court to take her word for anything.

Now if she were still in OP's state, then I would be more concerned about her ability to lie or cause problems.

[Ginny J]

She would lose her credibility on an allegation of 'why did she wait so long too.'

[Tah701]

She doesn't really use e-mail unfortunately but I do have a few saved text messages...mostly from October when these problems started. Some of them are nice ones where she said she misses me and stuff like that..I kept those to show she obviously wasn't scared of me or anything.

But then I have ones that say:

"If you try to hold money from me I will F*** your whole world up"

"You want me to leave you alone? I got something for you then B****"


My cell phone can record conversations but only what the other person is saying. So the ones I've managed to record of her are just her yelling at me and telling me to wait but no actual threats really.

[majomom1]

Originally Posted by Tah701

She doesn't really use e-mail unfortunately but I do have a few saved text messages...mostly from October when these problems started. Some of them are nice ones where she said she misses me and stuff like that..I kept those to show she obviously wasn't scared of me or anything.

But then I have ones that say:

"If you try to hold money from me I will F*** your whole world up"

"You want me to leave you alone? I got something for you then B****"


My cell phone can record conversations but only what the other person is saying. So the ones I've managed to record of her are just her yelling at me and telling me to wait but no actual threats really.

Stop answering her calls and do not respond to her texts. Keep the text messages and any voice mail messages for evidence. You can also use your cell phone bill to show all of her incoming calls... which could help, if needed, with harrassment.

Recording conversations may be illegal in your state and will probably not be admissable.

She will go away... Stop responding and stand your ground.

[Tah701]

I checked what I could and North Dakota and Tennessee both only require “one-party notification”

but anyway..I do think your advice is good and I hope she just goes away and I'll be glad if I feel stupid for making this into a bigger deal than it is

[majomom1]

Originally Posted by Tah701

I checked what I could and North Dakota and Tennessee both only require “one-party notification”
but anyway..I do think your advice is good and I hope she just goes away and I'll be glad if I feel stupid for making this into a bigger deal than it is

Double check this. Cell phones fall under different sets of laws. AND if your phone is only recording one side of the conversation, then it will surely not be admissable in court.

Best thing you can do... is ignore ALL communication from her and DO NOT respond.

It may even be worth changing your cell phone #...