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Joint house ownership.

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So dumb.

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MA

I don't know how to explain this but will try. My ex-husband and I go back some 45 years. I was 14, he was 27 and a priest. We married when I was 20, we have 3 children. But he went back and forth between the marriage (not recognized by church) and the priesthood for many years. The last time he came back to the marriage was 25 years ago. After a year, I got a divorce. He never went back to the priesthood after that. Even though I remarried a couple years later, he remained a close family member.

So 10 years ago when he offered to give me 10,000$ towards the down payment on a house it didn't strike me as unusual. But I did feel that until the money was repaid his name should be on the house also. I was told in order for his name to be on the deed, he also had to be on the mortgage. The man had been in my life most of my life so didn't see any problem. I would refinance once the down payment was paid back and he agreed to sign off the house. It also had a walk-in basement. Since my ex-husband was alone and getting up there in years and everyone was getting along, the basement was turned into an in-law apartment and the following year he moved in.

That's when it got kind of iffy...he said since he was living there he didn't feel right about being paid back the down payment. He would not discuss the prior agreement re refinancing/removing his name. It was hard to press the subject because he would bring the kids into it. And even though the kids are adults they still carry the fear that he will leave. So I'd back off. Didn't have much worry as we'd been together for so long.

At some point he decided, without telling me, to start making extra payments to the mortgage. I didn't even know one could do that.

He is now 70. Four months ago he was told he needed back surgery. He was in pain and having trouble walking. But he wouldn't make the date for the surgery. Instead he sat in his lounge chair near 24 hours, not doing as the Dr said re walking every hour etc, and by the end of July he was so bad he was urinating in a cup. But he convinced the kids and his nieces and even his Dr. that he was doing everything right and it was me, that I wanted him in a nursing home so I could have the house.

Finally, I told the kids I wasn't going downstairs again, that they needed to be there 24/7 to take care of him since they believed him. Within 3 days he was hospitalized.

After he left in the ambulance I started picking up around his chair. On the side was a notepad. He has always kept a daily journel, in over 30 + years I have never read one because the man never did anything that warranted such interest. But it was opened so when I picked it up did read it over. I was appalled at how he wrote of me and how he plotted to do things that would upset me especially in regards to the kids. So for the next 2 days I read 30+ years of his daily thoughts. This man who never said a bad word about me to anyone, wrote nothing good about me. Day after day, year after year....it was sickening. All I kept saying was "Who in their right mind would leave such writings for loved ones to read", until I finally heard myself and realized he wasn't of his right mind. I don't know how I went devades without knowing this.

Incredible damage has been done to many relationships because I have said he cannot come back here and we need to sell the house. I didn't tell the kids all that was written, just that he had made it clear in the last notebook that I was not taking care of him etc. There is no way I can stay in the same house as this man. 45 years of love and trust were destroyed in 48 hours. I don't even want to see him, am so humiliated over some of what he wrote. I haven't seen my grandchildren in over a month because the boys are angry at me. My grandchildren are my life but this time I can't give way to the kids not even for the grandchildren.

He is refusing to sign to sell the house. And the kids are telling me it is his house because he paid more to the mortgage. Please let me know if there is some way to get out of this. I don't want half the proceeds, just enough to start over.

Sorry this is so long. But thank you for your advice.
 


ShyCat

Senior Member
He is refusing to sign to sell the house.
Then you will have to file a partition suit. The court will order the house sold and the proceeds split. He would be wise to cooperate to avoid attorney and court costs. No one can force someone to remain a co-owner of a house.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Then you will have to file a partition suit. The court will order the house sold and the proceeds split. He would be wise to cooperate to avoid attorney and court costs. No one can force someone to remain a co-owner of a house.
It is also completely irrelevant that he paid more towards the mortgage than you did. You are 50/50 owners and you will each be entitled to 1/2 of the proceeds when sold.

I would also like to point out however, that whether or not you live there, its still 50% your house...but because its also 50% his house, you cannot stop him from moving back in.

You can refuse to care for him, but you cannot stop him from moving back in. You should have accepted the loan without putting him on the mortgage and deed.
 

So dumb.

Junior Member
Thank you both for your replies.

ShyCat, I do hope this can be settled out of court. I don't know if in the long run I could say more about anything then I have said here.

LdiJ, I SHOULD have read the darn notebooks long before this, hence the username 'So dumb' lol. Never entered my mind that the man was hiding his own instability behind mine.

Again, thank you for your advice. You are truly appreciated.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Thank you both for your replies.

ShyCat, I do hope this can be settled out of court. I don't know if in the long run I could say more about anything then I have said here.

LdiJ, I SHOULD have read the darn notebooks long before this, hence the username 'So dumb' lol. Never entered my mind that the man was hiding his own instability behind mine.

Again, thank you for your advice. You are truly appreciated.
You honestly should have realized it. Not when you were 14, and maybe not even when you were 20, but you should have eventually realized that a 27 year old priest, who got himself involved with a 14 year old child, was someone with major issues. Even 45 years ago that kind of age difference would have been suspect. That and the fact that he was a priest should have had your parents running for restraining orders...even in 1963.

I know that sounds very negative, and I am sorry because I know it was a different time and era...(for example I know that Jerry Lee Lewis legally married his 13 year old cousin) but its still reality.
 

So dumb.

Junior Member
You honestly should have realized it. Not when you were 14, and maybe not even when you were 20, but you should have eventually realized that a 27 year old priest, who got himself involved with a 14 year old child, was someone with major issues. Even 45 years ago that kind of age difference would have been suspect. That and the fact that he was a priest should have had your parents running for restraining orders...even in 1963.

I know that sounds very negative, and I am sorry because I know it was a different time and era...(for example I know that Jerry Lee Lewis legally married his 13 year old cousin) but its still reality.

I do not view your post as negative. Your honesty is refreshing after the last few weeks, thank you. My parents did file a complaint with the Diocese but I've never been sure if that action was taken to protect me or themselves.

It is near impossible to see a major issue in another person when one is born into a household with boundary less major issues. Not trying to excuse my lack of sight just that to see the extent of his issues I would had to 1) not had some major issues myself and 2) thought I was 'worthy' of such a bizarre lifetime commitment.

Do have to honestly tell you that if he had refrained from writing about me in regards to two specific issues then even though the rest hurt, I would be working to keep my family, including him, together. But the man crossed into recognizable boundary less areas. There is no way in Hades the end years of my life will be lived in similar fashion to my beginning years. Doesn't matter that the physical aspects wouldn't be present, the thoughts alone are terrifying and repulsive to me.

I have made email contact with an attorney. Do want to thank you again for the legal advise and also for this straightforward opportunity to pull my mind together.
 

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