Key Concerns in a Prenup

[jd254]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

I have no real asset. My significant other does have asset, and a prenup was recommended to protect their family's assets. I do not have any concerns, and am willing to blindly sign the prenup. Obviously that is not smart, but I just don't think I will ever attempt to lay claims on anything that is not mine. I emailed about 20 lawyers, but I would like to be prepared before speaking to them.

Legally, I will be living in their house, but for all intents and purposes, it's "our" house. If a separation were to happen, how would/should that affect me and my place of residence?
Will there be any legal concerns I should discussed with my significant other about our future children, that should be included in this prenup?
The children must have my last name. Can I include that in the prenup? Is it even relevant?
I don't have anything else to add, and am not taking this prenup seriously because I have no asset at the moment. Besides my unpaid car, school loans, and four figure bank account, is there anything I need to protect myself from?

 

[ecmst12]

Both you and your fiance need to be represented by separate lawyers in order for any prenup to be valid. Your questions should be presented to your lawyer.

You cannot pre-plan for custody issues for children not even conceived. If you and your wife to be can't agree on whose name to give your future children, perhaps you should be re-considering the marriage.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

The fact you are both investing more time in preparing for divorce than for marriage. The formula for a successful marriage in part is that you marry the person you cannot live without, who feels likewise about you. It appears you are marrying someone you can live with, that has decided they can live with you.

 

[ecmst12]

That's an unrealistic expectation. Someone you can live with is a MUCH more important characteristic in a spouse than someone you can't live without. The latter is just a recipe for teenage drama and divorce once the initial rush of romance fades.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

The latter is the reason marriage vows have phrases like to love, honor and cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, until death do us part. The fact we now have drive through marriage chapels and divorce venues not much better are because of the casual attitude toward marriage that has developed. People still talk the talk, yet have never learned how to walk the walk.

Spouse gets ill? Divorce them
Loses job? Divorce them
Argument? Divorce them

That's an unrealistic expectation. Someone you can live with is a MUCH more important characteristic in a spouse than someone you can't live without. The latter is just a recipe for teenage drama and divorce once the initial rush of romance fades.

 

[Zigner]

The latter is the reason marriage vows have phrases like to love, honor and cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, until death do us part. The fact we now have drive through marriage chapels and divorce venues not much better are because of the casual attitude toward marriage that has developed.

There aren't any standard vows...

And do you really think that drive through marriage chapels are a new thing?

 

[tuffbrk]

The latter is the reason marriage vows have phrases like to love, honor and cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, until death do us part. The fact we now have drive through marriage chapels and divorce venues not much better are because of the casual attitude toward marriage that has developed. People still talk the talk, yet have never learned how to walk the walk.

Spouse gets ill? Divorce them
Loses job? Divorce them
Argument? Divorce them

This ^^ does not answer the OP's questions and your morality is of no interest to anyone on a legal forum. Please go post in the "Morality 101" Forum down the hall when the need to pontificate comes over you again. Have a happy day.

 

[jd254]

Both you and your fiance need to be represented by separate lawyers in order for any prenup to be valid. Your questions should be presented to your lawyer.

You cannot pre-plan for custody issues for children not even conceived. If you and your wife to be can't agree on whose name to give your future children, perhaps you should be re-considering the marriage.

The mother-in-law is claiming there are tangible financial benefits for the children to having their last name. It may complicate the benefits if they were to have my last name. I disagree, and I will speak to a lawyer about this.

Asking me to re-consider my marriage is rude. Thank you for your opinion.

The fact you are both investing more time in preparing for divorce than for marriage. The formula for a successful marriage in part is that you marry the person you cannot live without, who feels likewise about you. It appears you are marrying someone you can live with, that has decided they can live with you.

What makes you think I spent more time preparing for divorce? 10 mins to research the lawyers. 2 mins to mass email 30 of them asking for a quote. 1 min to create this post. 10 mins for a quick follow up email to get a quote. one hour, I assume, to speak to the chosen lawyer and sign papers. If you add it all up... you will see that I've spent more time on the toilet playing Flappy Bird.

As I said before, this is to protect their financial asset. I can respect ANYONE who feels this way, as I would do the same in their scenario.

Your comment is unhelpful, and also frankly rude.

That's an unrealistic expectation. Someone you can live with is a MUCH more important characteristic in a spouse than someone you can't live without. The latter is just a recipe for teenage drama and divorce once the initial rush of romance fades.

Thank you. I agree, but it's neither. I am marrying someone I want to live and be with. I simply want to respect their family's financial interest.



Seeing that I am unable to prepare myself before meeting with a lawyer, I will hope they don't take advantage of my naivety.

 

[RRevak]

I actually have a comfortable bit of knowledge regarding this topic and as its been said above, you absolutely need an attorney in order for this to even begin. Do NOT, and I repeat, do NOT sign ANYTHING without an attorney to sit down and go over the prenup and any consequences it might have in the event of divorce. While some prenups are cut and dry, others can set you up for some serious hurt should divorce happen. Hurt such as no child protections (i've heard of one where husband attempted to slip into the paperwork that divorce meant HE was to take the children without a fuss from the wife no matter the circumstances since he had the financial asses etc), hurt such as no financial support for you of ANY kind if you divorce and you were "kicked to the curb" without warning, things like you would have no stake in ANY assets accrued during the marriage, and any number of very uncomfortable deals made while you and he are in the "I love you and trust you" phase. In order for this to work, he and his attorney draw the prenup then give you and your attorney time to go over it with a fine tooth comb. Then you propose changes and he and his attorney get to go over the new proposals. If everyone is in agreement then you (along with your attorney) sit down with him and his attorney and everyone signs paperwork together. If signing happens without attorneys being present then the prenup isn't valid. It MUST be signed in the presence of BOTH councils. If this happens without council, and divorce happens, then the prenup can be challenged which might not sound like a bad deal but since divorce is messy enough on its own, a challenged prenup can add mountains of time and work which equals to more money needed to pay the attorneys. If your husband or his family try to say you do not need your OWN attorney (using his is not a valid option) then you tell them you will sign absolutely nothing until you have your OWN attorney to assist you.

 

[Zigner]

I actually have a comfortable bit of knowledge regarding this topic and as its been said above, you absolutely need an attorney in order for this to even begin. Do NOT, and I repeat, do NOT sign ANYTHING without an attorney to sit down and go over the prenup and any consequences it might have in the event of divorce. While some prenups are cut and dry, others can set you up for some serious hurt should divorce happen. Hurt such as no child protections (i've heard of one where husband attempted to slip into the paperwork that divorce meant HE was to take the children without a fuss from the wife no matter the circumstances since he had the financial asses etc), hurt such as no financial support for you of ANY kind if you divorce and you were "kicked to the curb" without warning, things like you would have no stake in ANY assets accrued during the marriage, and any number of very uncomfortable deals made while you and he are in the "I love you and trust you" phase. In order for this to work, he and his attorney draw the prenup then give you and your attorney time to go over it with a fine tooth comb. Then you propose changes and he and his attorney get to go over the new proposals. If everyone is in agreement then you (along with your attorney) sit down with him and his attorney and everyone signs paperwork together. If signing happens without attorneys being present then the prenup isn't valid. It MUST be signed in the presence of BOTH councils. If this happens without council, and divorce happens, then the prenup can be challenged which might not sound like a bad deal but since divorce is messy enough on its own, a challenged prenup can add mountains of time and work which equals to more money needed to pay the attorneys. If your husband or his family try to say you do not need your OWN attorney (using his is not a valid option) then you tell them you will sign absolutely nothing until you have your OWN attorney to assist you.

Why are you assuming the OP is female?

 

[RRevak]

Why are you assuming the OP is female?

I think it was the question of the last name. Since children "traditionally" take the last name of the father, the request of "the children must have my last name" gave me the idea that OP was female. The "It may complicate the benefits if they were to have my last name" part sounds a bit like OP is in a non traditional situation with regards to which sides last name they will take giving me the sense OP might be a woman asking for the children to have her last name rather than automatically take the fathers. But if OP is not female then I apologize for my a$$sumptions

 

[RRevak]

OP my answer stands whether you are male or female. And nobody can prepare you for how to talk with your attorney as we do not have inside knowledge of your situation enough to be able to tell you what you need to put in and what should be omitted. Also, when searching for an attorney you need to make sure the one you find will have knowledge of how to work with prenuptial agreements so make sure you ask questions as to how much time they've spent working on them. Good luck. And just in case the above got to your head, signing a prenuptial agreement does not mean you're setting your marriage up for failure. While it does seem as if its planning your demise, all its really doing is ensuring a bit better than everyone knows where they stand if the worst does actually happen. I know several couples (myself included) that have prenups but they're stored away and we're pretty sure they have dust on them from our lack of reminding ourselves they exist.

 

[jd254]

I actually have a comfortable bit of knowledge regarding this topic and as its been said above, you absolutely need an attorney in order for this to even begin. Do NOT, and I repeat, do NOT sign ANYTHING without an attorney to sit down and go over the prenup and any consequences it might have in the event of divorce. While some prenups are cut and dry, others can set you up for some serious hurt should divorce happen. Hurt such as no child protections (i've heard of one where husband attempted to slip into the paperwork that divorce meant HE was to take the children without a fuss from the wife no matter the circumstances since he had the financial asses etc), hurt such as no financial support for you of ANY kind if you divorce and you were "kicked to the curb" without warning, things like you would have no stake in ANY assets accrued during the marriage, and any number of very uncomfortable deals made while you and he are in the "I love you and trust you" phase. In order for this to work, he and his attorney draw the prenup then give you and your attorney time to go over it with a fine tooth comb. Then you propose changes and he and his attorney get to go over the new proposals. If everyone is in agreement then you (along with your attorney) sit down with him and his attorney and everyone signs paperwork together. If signing happens without attorneys being present then the prenup isn't valid. It MUST be signed in the presence of BOTH councils. If this happens without council, and divorce happens, then the prenup can be challenged which might not sound like a bad deal but since divorce is messy enough on its own, a challenged prenup can add mountains of time and work which equals to more money needed to pay the attorneys. If your husband or his family try to say you do not need your OWN attorney (using his is not a valid option) then you tell them you will sign absolutely nothing until you have your OWN attorney to assist you.

Thank you. This was extremely helpful. My major concerns are the children and being kicked to the curb.

We can easily settle an agreement on how the children's living arrangement will be handled. I wasn't sure if this can be added to the prenup being that someone else basically saying no. Obviously I will ask a lawyer this, but again, I wanted a sounding board, which is why I asked here.

How do you think my living arrangement should be handled if a separation should happen. It is their house. Should I have a personal house fund? Am I entitled to ask for financial compensation or assistance? The way I see it, if we did not decide to live in their house, I would make it a priority to use my money to get a house. Being that this is not the case, I'm using it to buy food, perhaps a television, or pay their property tax.

As you said, I don't want to set myself up for any kind of hurt. What should I be asking for?

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

It is a tuffbrk for you that I feel it is relevant that preparation for divorce is relevant to OP's intense desire for prenup info.

This ^^ does not answer the OP's questions and your morality is of no interest to anyone on a legal forum. Please go post in the "Morality 101" Forum down the hall when the need to pontificate comes over you again. Have a happy day.

 

[RRevak]

Thank you. This was extremely helpful. My major concerns are the children and being kicked to the curb.

We can easily settle an agreement on how the children's living arrangement will be handled. I wasn't sure if this can be added to the prenup being that someone else basically saying no. Obviously I will ask a lawyer this, but again, I wanted a sounding board, which is why I asked here.

How do you think my living arrangement should be handled if a separation should happen. It is their house. Should I have a personal house fund? Am I entitled to ask for financial compensation or assistance? The way I see it, if we did not decide to live in their house, I would make it a priority to use my money to get a house. Being that this is not the case, I'm using it to buy food, perhaps a television, or pay their property tax.

As you said, I don't want to set myself up for any kind of hurt. What should I be asking for?

Once again, this are all things that need to be brought up when you sit down with your attorney. We honestly cannot address those things here as the laws in your state may be different when it comes to dealing with prenuptial agreements. Your attorney will be able to tell you what can and cannot be included and what should and should not be included. I know how mine was written and what it mostly addressed were finances belonging to myself and my oldest child as she is not the biological child of my husband. Anything beyond that would be dealt with traditionally during divorce proceedings. You need to sit down and write all of your concerns to paper and keep that paper with you at all times. That way whenever a concern arises in your mind you can add it to your list and bring it with you when you meet with the attorneys.