Marriage

texas....An 18 year old male in college and and 18 year old female in high school are getting married but want to keep their marriage a secret. he supports himself financially and she will still live at home using her maiden name, being supported by her parents. will they have any problems keeping this from their families?

[stephenk]

depends on who talks first.

what a great way to start a marriage and to get on the good side of the in-laws.

i give your "marriage" 18 months tops.

[haiku]

sur you can keep your marriage a secret, but if you have to do that MAYBE you shouldn't be getting married......

i'm not talking about myself. this couple (it isn't me but friends of mine who asked me this question which i had no answer for) wants to please their families but not as much as they want to get married now. they will be "officially" engaged in the spring and want a big wedding the fall of 2003 or winter of 2004. i know it sounds crazy! i'd never heard of anyone doing this so i wondered if it could be done. to them this is a way where they get what they want and please society and God at the same time. i hope you are wrong because there is nothing i can do to stop them and they are good kids, honor students, hardworking, respectful, and loving. thanks for your help!

i am not sure about texas but her in iowa. if you get a marriege certificate to get married legal it gets put in the paper you names and town and age.

might be hard to keep secret if someone reads a lot of the paper
and the certificate is only good for 6 months.

food for thaught.

"...they will be "officially" engaged in the spring and want a big wedding the fall of 2003 or winter of 2004."

What's the point of getting married in secret then if they're not even gonna live together? Unless, of course, she's "pg" and they want to "legitimize" their child by pooling the wool over their future in-laws and saying "Ha! We really *are* married" and then producing the marriage certificate." Personally I agree with stephenk as to the length of their marriage.

And... your friends are too young to get married anyway.

The reaction from people here is exactly why they want to keep their marriage a secret. It would take away from their joy for everyone close to them to be telling them they are stupid or selfish. In a society so tolerant of different ideas and lifestyles, 18 year olds that marry are shunned and ridiculed. She is not pregnant, if she was people would accept their marriage more readily. I have tried to talk them out of this but they have thought it through quite well. They went to a small county a few hours away for their license where they knew it would be posted in the local newspaper. They know there is a chance someone will see it and possibly know someone who knows them. But they are trying to do what they feel is right for them and their relationship with Christ while keeping their families from being upset. They realize if their families find out it will hurt them and so they asked me to help figure out what roadblocks they'd encounter on that one! The reason for this is they want to be right with God. That will be what makes their relationship last more than the predicted 18 months!!!!!

[haiku]

The problem is they are showing thier immaturity by hiding thier wedding. you say they want to be engaged in spring and then have a big wedding in 2003 or 4.

I don't think people would have reacted as strongly if this wedding was not a secret.

Seems to me it is more a case of thier wanting to sleep together, and not wanting to do that without benefit of marriage.

I am curious as to how old YOU are, to be able to justify that hiding a marriage IS mature under the circumstances?

A mature person either says "we are adults we choose to sleep together without benefit of marriage" Or "We are in love, we want to the right thing before we consumate that love, and get married"

secrets are NOT a sign of maturity, or readiness of marriage, if they think thier parents would be pixxed they are sleeping to gether, just wait till they found out they hid thier marriage!

It sounds like to me they just want their sex life to be ok with GOD.

does not sound like a good plan to me at all.

I know what i wanted at 18 is no where close to what i want in life now 10 years later.

kind of hard to share a life a marrige if they are not in the same home, and they are basing there marrige on a lie form the get go.

[gobonas99]

First...18 is WAY too young to be married. At least graduate from college first.

Second...you say your friends are going to be "officially" engaged in the spring with a "big" wedding in late 2003/early 2004. Who is paying for this "big" wedding? I'm guessing it is not going to be your friends...more likely, your friends' parents. Do they honestly think that their parents will still foot the bill for a "big" wedding if they somehow found out that their kids were ALREADY married and DIDN'T tell them? And if they found out after the fact, don't they think their parents would be hurt beyond belief?

You say that they want to be right with God. I don't know what religion your friends are, lying is a sin. Yet, you're saying that they want to LIE to the people they love about being married. How does that make them right with God?

Have your friends spoken with their pastor/priest/minister about what they want to do? I find it hard to believe that they would condone this idea. Are they planning to get "secretly" married by their paster/priest or just a justice of the peace? If a JoP, then, depending on their religion, they won't even be married in the eyes of God - and yet, they want to be "right with God".

I fail to see how LYING to both their families and sneaking around getting married will make them right with God. So they want to have (or are having) sex. So what. If they're waiting, another year won't kill them. And if they're already having sex (responsibly, I hope - there are WAY too many 18 year olds with children out there), then they could stop and wait until the "big" wedding with all their family - a lot of couples are doing that now...not having sex for 3..6..9..even 12 months before the wedding. Just think...your friends would be part of the new hip trend, PLUS, they would be right with God AND their families!!

[stealth2]

Starting married life with a lie is a pretty lousy way to go. And that is exactly what they're doing. If they want to get married - they should act like the adults they are. If doing this is so important to them, they should be willing to forego the "big wedding", as well as Mommy & Daddy's support of the little girl.