mom arrested for second time in two months

What is the name of your state? Louisiana

Was hoping to catch the eye and advice of Stealth 2 about a situation I am caretaker of a child removed for the second time in two months due to mom fighting ( first time) and shoplifting ( second time)
here what are chances she gets her kids back?
They are all full of skin fungi
sweet kids who are now wards of the state- I am a foster parent

I just was curious as to potential if I should help the mom get on subsidies
or find a defense attorney
or just care for one of her four children whom I have in my home now and let the system work it's magic?!

thanks for any assistance
[email]sallygator@aol.com[/email]

[skyspirit]

Hi. I am no attorney, but I felt compelled to answer this because I was in a similar situation recently myself.

I have 2 of my cousin's (by marriage) 4 children that live with me. She is a drug abuser and so is the father. She would take her welfare checks and food stamps and buy drugs with them. The kids never got to eat. They were constantly filthy. They were never supervised. They were sexually abused. It is/was a really sad situation.

The kid's grandparents begged me to take these boys. No one else would. They have alot of problems! I have had legal custody for a year and a half. They have lived with me for over 2 years.

I know many other family members, including myself, tried really hard to help the mother out of her situation. She continued on the same path tho.

Actually, she lost her kids for a year and then got them back and then lost them again. Father is also in and out of jail. He's just a deadbeat.

My advise to you is to LET THE SYSTEM WORK FOR YOU. Realize that you cannot change someone that doesn't want to change. Keep doing what you are doing with caring for the children.

I had to realize that the only good I could do in the same situation is TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR THESE BOYS. I had them in councelling for a year, but took them out for a while. I know when they are teens that they will probably need to go back.

The youngest boy was 4 when he came here. He could only say 2 words together at a time. He has a speech impediment. He is also ADHD. He was very violent when he first came, but after only 3 days here, he wasn't attacking anyone anymore. He also couldn't look people in the eye. Now he does. He never smiled before--he had a constant "mad" face. NOW HE SMILES. This boy was severely neglected. Now he gets all that he needs and then some. He is a very sweet boy and is very loved. I have him in therapy for his speech. He was held back in school last year--which I also supported. He is doing great now!!

The older boy is 8 now. He was 6 when he came here. He was acting out sexually and was also very violent. He only weighed 20 pounds. He had a habitual lying habit. He was extremely fixated on money. He had got in trouble at school for swindling other kids out of money and toys. OH WAS HE A MESS! I had him in therapy as well. He JUST RECENTLY told me about what happened when he lived with his mom and dad. I know in my heart who it was who had sexual contact with this boy, and its only a matter of time till I prove it. He is a smart boy. He is doing very well in school and is no longer violent and aggressive. He has alot of friends. He has stopped acting out sexually. He is trying to heal. He is happy here...he calls me Mom. He hugs me alot (and visa versa) and tells me all the time how much he loves our "family".

Both boys want me to adopt them, and they want my last name. They call mom and dad by their first names now. They don't care to see either one.

What I am saying is that the kids that you have deserve a chance to have love and stability in their lives. Maybe you should just focus on the kids and let mom fend for herself. If she REALLY wants them back, she will get them.

Skyspirit
[email]twystdsky@aol.com[/email]

email me if you'd like to.

[stealth2]

It's impossible to tell you what the odds of her getting the kids may or may not be. As compared to a lot of parents who get their kids back, one incident of fighting and one of shoplifting are pretty mild so it wouldn't surprise me in the least.

I would personally likely be cautious of getting too involved with helping Mom. There are plenty of resources of which she can avail herself, but she has to do the work herself. I'd focus on the kid(s) in my care.

And, just to make sure it's clear - I'm not a lawyer. I've educated myself through necessity (and that looks so spelled wrong), and a lot of what I say is plain old common sense.

[FarmerJ]

To help make your case that the children are doing well I suggest you start CHARTING on them daily in other words follow what is done in adult group homes . start log books noting when they have bad behavior and good behavior If they appear to be in a good mood at the start of the day and continue it log it , Jim appeared to be in a good mood all morning he did his grooming and had breakfast then had recreation time till lunch , we went out to walmart and ran errands , he currently is napping now its 230pm after dinner he was acting badly with his brother and was encouraged that this was not appropriate behaviour and redirected to another activity that he enjoyed . He helped with house chores by taking trash out and appeared to be calm before bed time . 8:30 pm . monday Jim had breakfast and got ready for school he had a scuffle with his brother in the bathroom over the tooth paste , He was told that wasnt appropriate behavior since we all had to share the tooth paste ,,He calmed down and was able to get to school . You get the idea here ?? if you can show someday that the child has done well and is learning socially acceptable behavior and doing quite well with a structured environment to a court there is a chance should you want to try to stop the court from removing him from your home some day you may indeed succeed with log notes to prove that the child is doing well where he is now . some of the clients I am exposed to suffer from it and do well with a structured environment . Does all this sound extreme ?? well yeah but if the child does well it would give you a record . You may end up wanting the advice of a family law practice atty . by all means use the links up top and arrange for a consultation ahead of time so you can learn more about your states laws for your situation .