My husband had an affair and woman claims she is pregnant with his child

[crazed]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York
My husband recently had an affair. The woman he had the affair with is claiming she is pregnant with his child. She first was requesting money for an abortion, then threatened to ruin us, then came back and asked for more money for an abortion and now has gone back to threatening my husband, me and my 10 yr old daughter. We have given the woman the money she requested as she promised to have an abortion with it. She has not yet had the procedure and has asked for more money before she has it. She says if she doesnt get it she will have my husband arrested for assault and rape. She has threatened to come after me and have me served at my office for my husbands DNA just to embarass me. She said her attorney has advised her to have the unwanted child just so she can sue my husband. We need to protect ourselves and our home. What can we do? Do we have any rights? Can she come after me?

 

[ecmst12]

Don't give her any more money. If, in 9 months, she has a baby, your husband can file for the court to order a DNA test to determine paternity. If there is a baby and he is the father, the court can order custody, visitation, and child support. Until that day, he owes her nothing and should stop communicating with her.

YOU should definitely not be talking to her.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

As someone who has been named as "the daddy" multiple times, my advise is do not give her a penny and have hubby advise her he will be happy to address paternity, via testing after the child is born. I was not "the daddy" in any of the cases. She has no standing to have you served for your husbands DNA. Whether hubbies straying was adulterous or consensual on your part, what is important for your family is that you stay united in handling this woman. At 10 years old, your daughter is old enough to understand the concepts also, if it comes up down the road. At 12 and 16, my children even stayed with my girlfriend when they visited, while I was working out of state, until my wife had vacation time to join us there, for our family vacation.

 

[Ohiogal]

As someone who has been named as "the daddy" multiple times, my advise is do not give her a penny and have hubby advise her he will be happy to address paternity, via testing after the child is born. I was not "the daddy" in any of the cases. She has no standing to have you served for your husbands DNA. Whether hubbies straying was adulterous or consensual on your part, what is important for your family is that you stay united in handling this woman. At 10 years old, your daughter is old enough to understand the concepts also, if it comes up down the road. At 12 and 16, my children even stayed with my girlfriend when they visited, while I was working out of state, until my wife had vacation time to join us there, for our family vacation.

I disagree that what is important is that they stay united. She wants to know how to protect herself and her daughter -- she should file for divorce and immediately request child support for her daughter -- that way if the mistress is pregnant, HER daughter gets first cut of the pie. She should also go get tested for all STDs because her hubby while spreading his seed could have been gifted with something. Her husband wasn't concerned about them staying united until he was caught having screwed around and broke the marriage vows.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York
My husband recently had an affair. The woman he had the affair with is claiming she is pregnant with his child.

Okay. She couldn't be pregnant with his child unless your husband had sex with her.

She first was requesting money for an abortion, then threatened to ruin us, then came back and asked for more money for an abortion and now has gone back to threatening my husband, me and my 10 yr old daughter. We have given the woman the money she requested as she promised to have an abortion with it.

You shouldn't have given her ANY money. What you should have done was used that money to file for divorce from your philandering husband.
Because in doing so the mistress has NO power over you and you get the first slice of the pie when it comes to child support and what not.

She has not yet had the procedure and has asked for more money before she has it. She says if she doesnt get it she will have my husband arrested for assault and rape.

Really? Is your hubby thinking this bit on the side was worth all this aggravation. Let your husband be arrested if that is what happens. There are consequences to actions. He cheated and now this is the penalty. Apparently he cheated with a crazy woman.

She has threatened to come after me and have me served at my office for my husbands DNA just to embarass me.

No one will know with what you are served quite frankly unless you tell them.

She said her attorney has advised her to have the unwanted child just so she can sue my husband.

Maybe the child is NOT unwanted by her.

We need to protect ourselves and our home. What can we do? Do we have any rights? Can she come after me?

She can't come after you but if she has his child she will be recieving child support until the child is 21. You have many rights. You can get a restraining order protecting yourself and your daughter if this woman is THREATENING you with harm (and not lawsuits). You can divorce your husband so that you will get the bigger, and first, piece of the child support pie for your husband. You can ask in the divorce that you be granted the marital home and kick hubby to the curb. But quite frankly, get tested for every STD known to man because your hubby may have come home bearing gifts.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

I disagree that what is important is that they stay united. She wants to know how to protect herself and her daughter -- she should file for divorce and immediately request child support for her daughter -- that way if the mistress is pregnant, HER daughter gets first cut of the pie. She should also go get tested for all STDs because her hubby while spreading his seed could have been gifted with something. Her husband wasn't concerned about them staying united until he was caught having screwed around and broke the marriage vows.

OG, if you re-read her post she refers to the 3 of them as a family unit. That is why I inferred and applied the "us" in that manner. I think it is clear, they have an accommodation in their marriage or she has reconciled his infidelity and wants their family group to continue. I'm sure if she wishes more feedback she will clarify for us.

 

[Ohiogal]

OG, if you re-read her post she refers to the 3 of them as a family unit. That is why I inferred and applied the "us" in that manner. I think it is clear, they have an accommodation in their marriage or she has reconciled his infidelity and wants their family group to continue. I'm sure if she wishes more feedback she will clarify for us.

She wanted to know how to protect herself and her daughter -- I gave her that information. As for dad -- that part of "we" may have been included but I gave her a way to fully protect the two innocent people in this affair. It means cutting dad out but dad already removed himself when he bedded the mistress. My advice fully protects her and her daughter.

 

[Antigone*]

OG, if you re-read her post she refers to the 3 of them as a family unit. That is why I inferred and applied the "us" in that manner. I think it is clear, they have an accommodation in their marriage or she has reconciled his infidelity and wants their family group to continue. I'm sure if she wishes more feedback she will clarify for us.

If what you are saying is true OH, then she really doesn't want to protect herself or her daughter. To truly protect herself and her little one, she'd do exactly what OG says. Who knows why STDs her unfaithful husband has infected her with - and that is just one slice of the pie. If she doesn't act then the other slice of her pie will be a heck of a lot smaller.

 

[Silverplum]

If what you are saying is true OH, then she really doesn't want to protect herself or her daughter. To truly protect herself and her little one, she'd do exactly what OG says. Who knows why STDs her unfaithful husband has infected her with - and that is just one slice of the pie. If she doesn't act her the other slice of her pie will be a heck of a lot smaller.

For 21 years.

I'd dump his sorry self.

 

[stealth2]

Yes, kicking him to the curb will provide the most protection for OP and her child. BUT... Some couples are able to work through infidelities, to build a stronger and better relationship. This may be one of those situations.

 

[nextwife]

Perhaps she should at least FILE for a seperation and especially for child support and get a child support order before the future mom can file?? Why should the earlier born children suffer and now have less? The last born child should come after the already born kids, at least that is what we often tell parties about requesting mods for later born children which would reduce financial support to earlier born kids.

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New York
My husband recently had an affair. The woman he had the affair with is claiming she is pregnant with his child. She first was requesting money for an abortion, then threatened to ruin us, then came back and asked for more money for an abortion and now has gone back to threatening my husband, me and my 10 yr old daughter. We have given the woman the money she requested as she promised to have an abortion with it. She has not yet had the procedure and has asked for more money before she has it. She says if she doesnt get it she will have my husband arrested for assault and rape. She has threatened to come after me and have me served at my office for my husbands DNA just to embarass me. She said her attorney has advised her to have the unwanted child just so she can sue my husband. We need to protect ourselves and our home. What can we do? Do we have any rights? Can she come after me?

If she has an attorney, why would she be needing to contact your husband? Something smells a'funny over here.

Your husband may also want to report her threats to the police. Society thankfully tends to frown upon blackmail and/or extortion.

 

[Ohiogal]

If she has an attorney, why would she be needing to contact your husband? Something smells a'funny over here.

Your husband may also want to report her threats to the police. Society thankfully tends to frown upon blackmail and/or extortion.

One little thing -- even if she has an attorney, she can contact her lover/exlover unless there are court orders saying otherwise. Nothing stops her from contacting him absent a court order.

 

[TigerD]

Perhaps the OP should relocate hubby's wedding ring to another appendage where he is more likely to remember it.

DC

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Perhaps the OP should relocate hubby's wedding ring to another appendage where he is more likely to remember it.

DC

We still do not know if it was a permissive relationship or adulterous affair.