My wife has a no contact order on me...help

[ibdecent]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota

My wife recently put a no contact order on me. We had an argument, My parents got involved ( we live with them) she got violent (throwing things, cussing and pushed me out of the way) she wanted to leave, I begged her to stay. My parents called the police. This was on saturday 11/29. on monday, the police show up with a order for protection and take my daughter. She lawyered up. She says that I'm suicidal, mental unstable and that on one circumstance, i physically abused our infant daughter. I haven't done any of this. It went to court and I had to fight for joint custody of our child. She showed up at court with a lawyer from the local legal aide (man haters) and a lady from womens advocacy group (also man haters) I got it to go from an OFP to a no contact order, so I could get a job (currently unemployed). She has not mentioned divorce. I told my attorney to tell hers during negotiations that I didn't want divorce and that I love her very much. I do love her with all of my heart and I'm a mess without her. she means the world to me. Anyway, the no contact order is set for a year. I want to know if there is anything I can do to petition to get this dropped or if there is anyway I can legally contact her. If we don't communicate, how is anything going to get fixed? I'm planning on attending counseling, just to see if i can find out what went wrong and to help with the emotional distress of my wife leaving me. The judge seemed like a very nice guy, the couple who had their trial before us had OFP's against each other and didn't have lawyers, he suggested they tried to talk it out.

Thank you and a speedy reply would be appreciated,
Brandon

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by ibdecent

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota

My wife recently put a no contact order on me. We had an argument, My parents got involved ( we live with them) she got violent (throwing things, cussing and pushed me out of the way) she wanted to leave, I begged her to stay. My parents called the police. This was on saturday 11/29. on monday, the police show up with a order for protection and take my daughter. She lawyered up. She says that I'm suicidal, mental unstable and that on one circumstance, i physically abused our infant daughter. I haven't done any of this. It went to court and I had to fight for joint custody of our child. She showed up at court with a lawyer from the local legal aide (man haters) and a lady from womens advocacy group (also man haters) I got it to go from an OFP to a no contact order, so I could get a job (currently unemployed). She has not mentioned divorce. I told my attorney to tell hers during negotiations that I didn't want divorce and that I love her very much. I do love her with all of my heart and I'm a mess without her. she means the world to me. Anyway, the no contact order is set for a year. I want to know if there is anything I can do to petition to get this dropped or if there is anyway I can legally contact her. If we don't communicate, how is anything going to get fixed? I'm planning on attending counseling, just to see if i can find out what went wrong and to help with the emotional distress of my wife leaving me. The judge seemed like a very nice guy, the couple who had their trial before us had OFP's against each other and didn't have lawyers, he suggested they tried to talk it out.

Thank you and a speedy reply would be appreciated,
Brandon

The whole "man haters" thing really damages your credibilty. You and your parents ganging up on her and then trying to claim that you were innocent and she got violent doesn't do well for your credibility either.

[Gracie3787]

Originally Posted by ibdecent

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota

My wife recently put a no contact order on me. We had an argument, My parents got involved ( we live with them) she got violent (throwing things, cussing and pushed me out of the way) she wanted to leave, I begged her to stay. My parents called the police. This was on saturday 11/29. on monday, the police show up with a order for protection and take my daughter. She lawyered up. She says that I'm suicidal, mental unstable and that on one circumstance, i physically abused our infant daughter. I haven't done any of this. It went to court and I had to fight for joint custody of our child. She showed up at court with a lawyer from the local legal aide (man haters) and a lady from womens advocacy group (also man haters) I got it to go from an OFP to a no contact order, so I could get a job (currently unemployed). She has not mentioned divorce. I told my attorney to tell hers during negotiations that I didn't want divorce and that I love her very much. I do love her with all of my heart and I'm a mess without her. she means the world to me. Anyway, the no contact order is set for a year. I want to know if there is anything I can do to petition to get this dropped or if there is anyway I can legally contact her. If we don't communicate, how is anything going to get fixed? I'm planning on attending counseling, just to see if i can find out what went wrong and to help with the emotional distress of my wife leaving me. The judge seemed like a very nice guy, the couple who had their trial before us had OFP's against each other and didn't have lawyers, he suggested they tried to talk it out.

Thank you and a speedy reply would be appreciated,
Brandon

Step 1 will be to go to the counselor. Find out what the counselor believes, then file in court to try to have some contact, through counseling. Once you have an idea of what the problems are, you should speak to your attorney about filing.

I don't know what really happened, but even if everything happened the way you said, claiming that the legal aid attorney and the woman from the advocacy group are "men haters" definately will hurt you in court.

Through conseling you will learn what your own problems are, and you will learn how to attempt to reconcile with your wife. On the other hand, it can also help you accept the reality if your wife truly doesn't love you and wants out.

[Ohiogal]

I'd answer but I do contract work for legal aid (the man-hater's according to this OP) so that makes me a man-hater -- even though half my contract work is representing men. Oh okay. try to be less bigoted OP and I might help you.

[ibdecent]

I'm sorry for the whole man haters thing. It was wrong to assume that they hate men. I haven't said anything like this in court, it's just what my laywer told me that they were in this specific town. I desperatley want to at least mend the bridge between me and my wife so we can at least communicate. If she truly wants a divorce, fine, but there's no need to punish me. she knows that communication is very important to me. If she doesn't love me and want to be with me, fine, but at least let me know what I did wrong so I can better myself and have some closure.

I've also repeatedly stated to her and everyone around me..."I know that I've made my mistakes. I know I contributed to this problem. I am in no way innocent. I just want to figure this out and try my damndest to fix it. It's too important to just let go. If nothing else for my daughter's sake, she doesn't deserve this." I haven't bad mouthed her once since she's left. I don't believe in it. It won't get anyone anywhere. I say nothing but good things about her...I just want to know what caused this and why.

Also, It has been suggested to me that I should give her an ultimateum...File for divorce and say that either she communicates with me through counseling or we end it. It feels like i'm giving up to me. I just don't want to live with regrets. I don't want to think well maybe it would've turned out different if i had done this. I know i'm thinking with my heart, but i'd like to believe there is still hope. I also need to look out for my future though.

Sorry if I offended any body. It was not my intention. My emotions are running wild latley and I'm thinking more with my heart and my head. I am seeing a counselor, talking to my pastor and praying alot.

[ibdecent]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

The whole "man haters" thing really damages your credibilty. You and your parents ganging up on her and then trying to claim that you were innocent and she got violent doesn't do well for your credibility either.

I don't see how her getting violent doesnt do well for my credibility. I have never been violent with her. She has always been verbally abusive with me and has a very very hot temper. once again, not saying i'm the one who's right (because her and i are both wrong), I always tried to calm the waters even if it meant taking a dive. I was always truly sorry for what I did do wrong and just wanted to discuss it, fix it and move to better the relationship. She's always been one of those "i'm pissed off, don't talk to me" and then we would never talk about it ever. So, I would push the envelope and try to get it out of her. It was wrong, but it was the only way she would discuss things.