Need help, I don't know what to do.

[Engineer 1]

What is the name of your state? OHIO

I need help on what to do with my situation. Here is some background
My girlfriend and our son, we live together. He is 9 months old. Our son is my first and her second. She has a 12 year old from a prior marriage that does not live with us but sometimes visits. She has been married 3 times in the past while I have never been married.

Heres the problem. She is an alcoholic. It's tearing our family apart. She will not work or even try to find a job. She says that she cannot get a job because her credit is too bad (which it is very bad) I feel that our son is in danger when she is drinking. And it's not like she has a couple and stops, it has been at peak a 12 pack + of beer a day. She will also drink whiskey, wine, liquor, basically anything with alcohol in it. I have caught her drinking several times and she will lie about it. She has went over to my parents house drunk several times with our son in the car. I have stopped confronting her about it because she will turn violent.

And I know I'm stupid for staying with her or even getting involved with someone like this but she wasn't this way when we met. The only reason I'm with her now is because of our son. I know she can't support him let alone herself or her other son.

I am willing to answer any questions that may assist with the advice.
What should I do?

Thanks,
Engineer 1

[nextwife]

Get that kid OUT of the house and into child care! DO not leave your child in an unsafe situation They are indeed unsafe while mom is intoxicated.

Have you legally established paternity? If not you have no rights at all yet. You are not legally the father until you do.

Then file for a GAL and physical custody. You need to fight for custody - the child is unsafe with mom.

Fortunately, you are unmarried, and can't be ordered to support HER while she sits around guzzling booze all day.

[Engineer 1]

I have established paternity but it was not legal. The legal one was $400 compared to the $200 for the non legal one. I was so excited to find out I couldn't wait to save the extra $200. I had the DNA test done without her knowing because I had some suspicion. But it came back that I was indeed the father.

I signed the acknowledgment of paternity paper when he was born. I was there the whole time durring labor. They said that I had 60 days to change my mind or it was permanent. Everything was fine for the first few months then she became depressed and drunk ever since. Her doctor put her on all sorts of psych medication and she won't take it, insists on drinking.

I did find out that I am liable to pay her child support because I signed the ack. of paternity paper and that's all they need to pursue me if I left. But on the other hand I have to prove that he is mind in order to gain any custody of my own child? That seems a bit wrong and cruel.

She also thinks that we are getting married this year. I keep telling her that we fight too much and she has no idea that I am actually planning on leaving her due to her alcoholism problem. (that I have tried to help her out many times with no success)

One Psychiatrist diagnosed her with a personality compulsive disorder, depression, anxiety and a bunch of other things I cannot remember the names of. She totally disagreed with the doctor and I suggested getting a second opinion. The second psychiatrist gave similar diagnoses, all which required the same meds from both doctors. She will not take them because she believes they are wrong.

What is a GAL?

Thanks,
Engineer 1

[fairisfair]

no, if you have both signed the acknowledgement of paternity, then you are this child's legal father, you need to file for child support, custody and visitation now. A gal is a guardian ad litem see [url]http://www.ohiocasa.org/[/url]

[Engineer 1]

Originally Posted by fairisfair

no, if you have both signed the acknowledgement of paternity, then you are this child's legal father, you need to file for child support, custody and visitation now. A gal is a guardian ad litem see [url]http://www.ohiocasa.org/[/url]

Thanks.

here's the thing. If I leave, she will have no home, no food, no car, no job, no resources to take care of our son. I am the backbone of the family. without me there would be no stability or a suitible life. If I'm the legal father then why can't I take my son to my new home and make her get visitation rights? I don't know how it works so please explain. I'm trying to do the best/right thing for my son. His mother has already screwed up enough and I'm fed up with it and need to do something now.

[fairisfair]

Originally Posted by Engineer 1

Thanks.

here's the thing. If I leave, she will have no home, no food, no car, no job, no resources to take care of our son. I am the backbone of the family. without me there would be no stability or a suitible life. If I'm the legal father then why can't I take my son to my new home and make her get visitation rights? I don't know how it works so please explain. I'm trying to do the best/right thing for my son. His mother has already screwed up enough and I'm fed up with it and need to do something now.

you can, you have the same rights to the child that she does, file for a temporary custody order and go from there, you really are well advised to have an attorney assist you with this. Watch for any postings from Ohiogal, she is probably your best bet for legal advice in Ohio, although there are a couple of others as well. Good luck!

[Engineer 1]

Originally Posted by fairisfair

you can, you have the same rights to the child that she does, file for a temporary custody order and go from there, you really are well advised to have an attorney assist you with this.

Ok my mother says that I should get children services involved. She said that if I didn't that she would. Would that be a good idea?

If I file for a custody order would the mother of my son have to know about it?

She is the type that would try her best to charge me with kidknapping. Very vindictive person.

[fairisfair]

Originally Posted by Engineer 1

Ok my mother says that I should get children services involved. She said that if I didn't that she would. Would that be a good idea?

If I file for a custody order would the mother of my son have to know about it?

She is the type that would try her best to charge me with kidknapping. Very vindictive person.

As far as I can tell, you are in a position where you cannot kidnap your own child. You would be advised not to remove him from the area in which you reside. Yes, eventually, she will know about it. Wait for ohio, belize or one of the others, I want to be sure not to give you incorrect advice on this. As for CPS, hmmmm well that is always a testy situation, and one that you will have to answer on your own.

[Engineer 1]

Originally Posted by fairisfair

As far as I can tell, you are in a position where you cannot kidnap your own child. You would be advised not to remove him from the area in which you reside. Yes, eventually, she will know about it. Wait for ohio, belize or one of the others, I want to be sure not to give you incorrect advice on this. As for CPS, hmmmm well that is always a testy situation, and one that you will have to answer on your own.

Thank you for your honesty.

I'll wait for some ohioians to chime in.

I came home last thursday from work and she was passed out in the bathroom. I took pictures of her laying in the floor. Nobody would believe me if I told them. That's how distinct her two personalities are. Most everyone thinks shes a nice person but living with her is way different. How would I prove that she is alcohol dependent?

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by Engineer 1

Thank you for your honesty.

I'll wait for some ohioians to chime in.

I came home last thursday from work and she was passed out in the bathroom. I took pictures of her laying in the floor. Nobody would believe me if I told them. That's how distinct her two personalities are. Most everyone thinks shes a nice person but living with her is way different. How would I prove that she is alcohol dependent?

It would not be a good idea to get children's services involved. They would hold you equally responsible because you live in the home. Tell your mom to back off on that one if she doesn't also want to get YOU in possible trouble.

You are the legal father of the child because you signed the affidavit of paternity. You don't have to prove that you are the father.

Go get a consult with a local attorney to see where you stand. A local attorney will be better able to gage how the judges in your community tend to rule when confronted by your overall set of facts.

[Engineer 1]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

It would not be a good idea to get children's services involved. They would hold you equally responsible because you live in the home. Tell your mom to back off on that one if she doesn't also want to get YOU in possible trouble.

You are the legal father of the child because you signed the affidavit of paternity. You don't have to prove that you are the father.

Go get a consult with a local attorney to see where you stand. A local attorney will be better able to gage how the judges in your community tend to rule when confronted by your overall set of facts.

I had a gut feeling that would be the case if CPS got a hint of what was going on in the house. I can't be there all of the time. I work 45 hours a week and my job is very important to me. It's stressing me out that I have to worry about my "Bubby" when I'm away. I need to do something quick. Thanks.

[rmet4nzkx]

Originally Posted by Engineer 1

Thank you for your honesty.

I'll wait for some ohioians to chime in.

I came home last thursday from work and she was passed out in the bathroom. I took pictures of her laying in the floor. Nobody would believe me if I told them. That's how distinct her two personalities are. Most everyone thinks shes a nice person but living with her is way different. How would I prove that she is alcohol dependent?

Then take your pictures down to the courthouse and file for emergency full custody and for a GAL for your child. Ask the court to odrer her to leave the residence and you get some competent child care while you work. If you don't your child could be taken away from both of you.

[Engineer 1]

Originally Posted by rmet4nzkx

Then take your pictures down to the courthouse and file for emergency full custody and for a GAL for your child. Ask the court to odrer her to leave the residence and you get some competent child care while you work. If you don't your child could be taken away from both of you.

Does everyone think this is what I should do? Do you think a lawyer should be consulted with before I do this?

Thanks,

[fairisfair]

Originally Posted by Engineer 1

Does everyone think this is what I should do? Do you think a lawyer should be consulted with before I do this?

Thanks,

If it were me, I would consult an attorney, it is always best not to rush in headlong, especially when you don't know where you are going. let's try to get Ohio over here. hang on, hmmm, she doesn't appear to be signed on. She will probably be back later. Let's try a thread with their names in it

[fairisfair]

Thank you!!!!