Not sure this really belongs here...but....

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IN, but not really applicable

I am not really looking for legal advice, but practical advice.

Players:

My boss's sister, her ex husband and their adult child...the two parents are mid/late-sixtyish.

The ex husband is a franchisee of our company, so I have been around him often, as I have also been around the ex-wife as she works for the company during the season. Both of them tend to confide in me.

The ex husband has gone from being a healthy and hearty man over the last 5 years, to one that is extremely frail and I wonder if he will make it through another year. He is clearly gravely ill and it encompasses both physical and mental, although no one has told me what is actually wrong.

Neither ex talks bad about the other.

The dad and the adult daughter had a falling out a couple of years ago, over her decision to work abroad for a couple of years. She is back now. She is still mad at her father and is not speaking to him. I am not sure that she realizes how ill he is.

I kind of hinted around to her that I am concerned about her father, but she didn't seem to pick up on it. I have hinted around to my boss about how bad he looks/acts and my boss expresses similar concerns, but seems to not want to get involved...and honestly, my boss really doesn't see him often enough to realize just how bad it seems to be.

I am trying to decide whether I should just stay out of it completely, or whether I should express an opinion to someone (maybe my boss, maybe his sister) about how maybe someone needs to tell the daughter just how ill her father really is.

He has only one real friend in the world, who really takes care of him, but that friend is gone every summer for a work commitment and he has expressed his fear to me of being alone and without any help.

What I am really afraid of is that this guy is going to be one of those statistics...someone who dies at home alone, with no one noticing until the smell causes the neighbors to call the police. I encouraged him to hire a home health aid for the summer, but he doesn't feel that he can afford it.

So...how do I help this guy without getting involved in things that are really none of my business?...or without drawing myself into a situation that I really am not prepared to handle? He isn't being abused, he is being ignored...and he is crying out for help.

 

[CourtClerk]

Are you able to look in on him for a minute on a regular basis? Not exactly go by, wash the dishes, etc. - but just make sure he's ok. Call or go by the house?

I wouldn't say anything to the daughter. Not yet.

 

[LdiJ]

Are you able to look in on him for a minute on a regular basis? Not exactly go by, wash the dishes, etc. - but just make sure he's ok. Call or go by the house?

I wouldn't say anything to the daughter. Not yet.

Yes, I could but I am reluctant to get that involved. My life is already pushing the time limits..and I know that if I did that I would be washing the dishes, cooking him meals and doing the laundry....I just wouldn't be able to help myself.

Honestly, that is what is worrying me. I am simply not in a position to take care of him and its worrying me that if I cannot find a family member to do it, that I am going to end up doing it, and I honesty am not in a position to do that.

 

[CourtClerk]

I personally believe that he has a right to his privacy. If he wanted to get in touch with his daughter, I imagine that there would be someone (including you) that he could make that known to and they would make it happen.

Now, if ever comes a time when he is completely incapacitated and you think he's really going to die, I would (maybe) say something then and only then. However, until then, I think he has a right to keep secret whatever he'd like to keep secret.

 

[Southern Softie]

Does the mother know how sick her ex is? If she does know, are you sure she hasn't already told her daughter? If she doesn't know, tell her and let her decide whether her daughter should know.

If he's truly all alone and you think he'll remain that way, you can check on him without investing a lot of time. Give him a call every few days just to see how he's doing. He'd probably love to just have someone to talk to.

 

[alice05]

It sounds kind of childish but how about an anonymous note to her? You can say whatever you want and you never have to claim the note itself even if they figure that it was you who may have written it.

 

[LdiJ]

It sounds kind of childish but how about an anonymous note to her? You can say whatever you want and you never have to claim the note itself even if they figure that it was you who may have written it.

My post is two months old and normally we suggest that people don't respond to posts that old, because the posters are usually long gone by then.

I will however take this opportunity to update.

Meals on Wheels got organized for him, and he recruited several young men in his apartment complex to rotate coming in and helping him. However, that apparently wasn't going well and the apartment complex contacted his ex wife (I guess he had her down as next of kin) because they were worried about him. She organized a coworker who was in need of a place to live, to move in with him and to assist him in lieu of paying rent (that just happened today). So all is going ok at this point.

I also saw him today myself and he actually seems a little better. He has put on some weight and his mind seems a little sharper.