Out of control kid responsibility

What is the name of your state? FLORIDA/Ex lives in Georgia
I have joint legal custody with my ex husband. Our son is 15 years old. He has several different emotional/mental problems. He lived with me until age 10 and now his dad has primary custody, legally! During the first 10 years, he was in 3 psychiatric units. I paid about 47,000 plus what insurance paid without any financial help from the father. I let him out of paying after he agreed to take custody of him. He is 15, weighs over 200 lbs. However most of the time he behaves as if he were 8. His behavior has only gotten worse over the years. I provide all of the medical and psychiatric for him here in Florida by bringing him here once a month....as well as making sure all of his meds are sent to him. My question is....this summer has been extremely hard, especially for my 11 year old daughter. I have a little over 2 weeks before I'm supposed to bring him back to his dads. However a major crisis has happened and I have to bring him back early for the safety of my daughter. I'm afraid his dad will explode with anger for me bringing him back early. I want to know if he can legally tell me that I have to keep him for a certain amount of time. And if I bring him back if he can legally keep bringing him back here? I have been reading about the different forms of custody and from what I am reading it sounds like even though we have joint legal custody, he has phsycial primary custody and is responsible until he is 18. The custody papers were filed in Georgia. And all they say is that we have joint legal custody with the father having primary physical custody. All if says about visitation is that I have the right to see him on certain dates and occasions. All that I can see that I HAVE to do is pay child support and provide insurance, which I do way more than that, but I just want to know legally what is acceptable.
Any advice would be appreciated during this very difficult time.

No wonder the poor kid has mental problems mommy don't want him around. dad will get angry if you bring him home to soon. sounds like more than your son need's counseling. you brought this child into the world but figure as long as you pay you're child support and insurance you'v done you're part. sounds like his problem's are inherited

[Illinois Parent]

knorris -

wow, rarely do I defend a poster who doesn't want to keep their child with them, but you just guaranteed a response. Or attack, call it what you will.

Are you a psychiatrist? A psychologist? A parent even?

Read what this woman wrote...she had this 15 year old 200 lb. child for 10 years...during which time the child was institutionalized three times. Parents who don't want to care for their kids or do what's best for them can't have them locked up just because they are 'difficult' or have 'mental problems. Children have to be severly distrubed to qualify for that kind of intervention. Perhaps it is inherited, afterall, true mental illness is a mystery. How nice of you to torture this poor parent further.

True mental illness is just as real as any other illness, such as diabetes or cancer. Both of which also seem to have a genetic element. In either case, one should not 'blame' the parents for passing on defective genes to their kids. Or do you subscribe to the view that such inherited diseases only happen to those who deserve it, something like the sins of the fathers being visited on the sons? What a comforting thought, what a self-righteous, smug attitude for all of us who were fortunate enough to have healthy kids. And what a viscious, ignorant position to take. Are you really going to say to the parents of a child born with muscular dystrophy that they must have done something to deserve the heartache of having a child that will never have a normal life, never live a full life like the rest of us? There is no difference. The parents of a child who is mentally ill face the same heartache. And, thanks to ignorant, semi-literate genetic throw backs like you, they also get the joy of being treated as societal paraiahs. I wonder if you would be foolish enough to actually say something like that in public, putting your face and your real identity behind the statements you made. If not, then keep your opinions to yourself here. Yes, this is 'only' cyberspace, but remember, there are real people behind these words.

Just for your information, people who judge others harshly and visciously and smugly DO have mental problems. Low self-esteem that can only be bolstered by putting others down. Lack of human compassion, also known as sociopaths. Or simply, personality disorders that make them incapable of functioning as civilized human beings. These are mental problems. Problems that require intensive intervention are physical, i.e., electrical misfirings in the brain, chemical imbalances in the body and brain, etc. The mental problems that people who have these sorts of physical problems are excerbated by if not originated in dealing with others with attitudes like yours, trying to fit into a society that sees any disorder with a psychological component or manifestation as being purely 'emotional problems'.
Enough time and energy on you.

For smttct:

If your custody papers state that he has primary physical custody and you have visitation on certain dates, than that is all you are responsible for providing. You didnt say if returning him two weeks early would be a contradiction of the dates outlined. But, even if it were, you state that something has happened, that there has been some sort of crisis that puts your 11 year old daughter at risk. As harsh as it may sound, you do have a responsibility to your daughter. If you have done, and have been doing (and it sounds like it) everything you can for your son and you are still at this impasse, you have to put the safety of your daughter first. Caring for a sick child, regardless of the sickness, is a tremendous drain. If that sickness puts your other children at risk, you really dont have a choice. Think of it this way...if your son had a highly contagious, deadly disease, you wouldnt hesitate to quarntine him to protect your daughter.

Legally, you have done what you need to do. For both of your children.

Florida:
WOW I didn't mean to cause any trouble here, but I do thank you for your defense. But again....I am used to it....It happens all the time. I do realize that if I didn't have this problem, I probably wouldn't understand either. It is hard for people who don't have any experience in this to understand. Hell it's hard enough for ME to understand! I go thru LOTS of WHY ME times! And a lot of nights with a few glasses of WINE!
Yes my son went bezerk the other night because my daughter didn't want to play! She had just had enough of his obnoxiousness and didn't feel good anyway....He slung the kitchen table across the room, started screaming like he was possessed getting in her face and my husbands screaming F you and all kinds of little tidbits....Lunged at my husband, they got into it, my daughter was hysterical thinking it's her fault, I was trying to get her in her room so she wouldn't see it, trying to get my son and husband to stop! Too many details to list. I tried to get him hospitalized....NOPE the state of FL doesn't have facilities for adolescents that ONLY have THESE types of disorders! Isn't THAT a hoot! The police could come and take him to juvenile, but by the time they get here he's already calmed back down, so there isn't anything they can do! So my husband and daughter are gone, and aren't coming back until he is gone. She is hysterical still and as of this morning, her friends mother says the hives are all over her body!
Yes all my papers say is I have the right to visit on such n such holidays and 2 weeks out of the summer(which I always keep him the whole entire summer and every holiday plus a week every month! He's been here since June 1st this time) We never go by those because any time I can get time off work and go and get him, they are more than ready! So I think legally I'm fine, but I know when I bring him back, all hells gonna break loose again. They are going to scream at me AND at him! I don't care about me, I'm also used to that....but I HATE to tell them things, because I feel like it just makes it worse on him!
I have a year to work on some kind of summer sleep away camp for him next summer that I can ACTUALLY afford! The ones I've checked on...for 8 weeks.....they START at 3k and range upwards to 10K for 6 to 8 weeks! Now THAT's a hoot to me! ONLY filthy rich people should have children with disorders huh?
Anyway...I appreciate the advice and support....I do belong to another forum for parents with kids like this. It is sad, but there are thousands! And believe it or not....MINE is NOT the worst case! And we all are in the same boat...surviving day to day! We've learned to use humor to get us thru---sometimes it works...sometimes it doesn't! But I guess this is a legal advice forum so I'll stick to the other forum that's actually for these types of problems....don't want to bore anyone here....But I do thank you for your support...it is so nice to every once in awhile hear words like that! You are a saint in my book! And if you EVER hear of any programs that maybe perhaps I haven't....please email me....I think you can email me thru the forum??? But I'll check back just in case.
Thank you again!

Florida.
The first 10 years....At age 4 he was kicked out of daycare. The first psych we saw was flabbergasted at how out of control he was. He was then peeing all over the floors and walls because he "knew it made mom mad". Busting windows, doors, walls, Deficating everywhere...You name it. They wanted him put into a psych ward. At that time, he was so out of control I was afraid for myself and my then 2 month old daughter. We also thot that the psychs were professionals and they knew SO much more than we did. We did that for 3 months. We were there every night, dragging my daughter around in her carrier. We were there for behavior modification classes, parenting classes, counseling. etc. etc. He came home, things got worse. I heard on TV that kids like this had allergies. Took him to Buffalo to see THAT Dr. ...According to them he was allergic to everything. We did the allergy drops and elimination diets for awhile. There wasn't alot he COULD eat. Things only got worse, partly because it was SO controlling for him and there wasn't anything he was "supposed" to eat. We stopped that. Things REALLY spiraled then. Then we heard of the attachment center in Evergreen CO. Took him there. 3 months....$27,000. NO INSURANCE coverage for that one! In between all of these hosp...there were Dr.s counselors, different medications etc.etc. The AC was rough. It was very controversial, but we had no other avenue. We ran out of money after 3 months. My husband paid for all of this without question. His bio father never paid a cent. He got home, things escalated so much I had to call the police on several occasions. My husband was in the military and was gone quite a bit. The police never would do anything because he was too young. Then awhile later...another hospital. This one for 6 months....3 hours away. We drove every weekend there for therapy etc. etc. Things seemed to be better, it was structured with other kids and caregivers who only worked 8 hour shifts. But when we brought him home it worsened. I had been begging his dad to please just take him for one year so I could attempt to repair my daughter's pain. He refused and refused and refused. He really should've paid half of the bills that insurance hadn't paid, but I never made him do it. I was too nice. Then when he was 10, I had a nervous breakdown, FINALLY>I got an attorney in GA and gave him the choice of taking custody or paying me half of the $47,000 we had spent. Insurance spent almost a million dollars total themselves! So he took him, and things seemed to be going well, he even said he was glad I had done what I had did because it forced him to be a father to him. But over the years, I've still done everything. I've handled all the Dr. appts, medications, counseling (from another state) because in his mind, he thinks counselors are "stupid". I drive 6 hours to get him every month for a week, do all of the Dr. things here, and then take him back. Plus all the holidays and summers. I always add another week to any holidays to give them a break. While trying to keep my job so he will have insurance. My husbands only covers him if he lives here full time. My ex owns his own small business and doesn't have insurance. I pay for everything, all of his clothes, everything he needs for school, anything that pops up. Just this past year, I've racked up about $5000 in medical bills (AFTER insurance) But I'm handling all of that. I try to make things as easy as I possibly can for my ex and his wife. They still scream at me every time I call just to check on everything. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Where I live, I have no family closeby, I work odd shifts, my daughter is 11 and my husband works out of town 3 gone and 4 home and then switches 4 gone and 3 home. His bio father has his parents and my parents right there.
Meanwhile different medications, last summer no medications, multiple medications you name it. He relates well with 10 year olds. His maturity level is about that. Except when he's around 15 year olds....Then he turns into them and they never know theres a problem. He is truly worse when he is with me. As all kids probably are worse with their mothers. He is so so much bigger than I am, I can't handle him physically anymore. I don't want my husband to because it isn't his place. But he wears you down....I've had SO many people say, oh he can't be that bad, I'll take him for a few days you'll see. WELL within 2 days....he's back and they are just flabbergasted at how quickly he can drive you to tears. His diagnoses codes are ADHD, OCD, ODD, BP and IRD. The OCD is probably the worst. His obsessions are about EVERYTHING. The opposition is sometimes baffling. I have been fighting these disorders for 11 years. I still do all that I possibly can and by no means meant to sound that I didn't want him. If I could handle him myself, I would leave my husband and let him have my daughter just to try and cure my son. But I can't handle him. I've been told that sometimes to save the rest of the family sometimes you have to sacrifice one. That sounds so cruel and I have a hard time stomaching it.
I hear opinions from people all the time like some of the ones I've read, they don't bother me anymore because I know that if I didn't have a child like this, I probably wouldn't understand either. But I have to keep in mind I have another daughter who has convinced herself that this is all her fault and has stressed herself out so much that she has hives from head to toe. The Dr. says I have got to get him out of the house or my whole family will go down like the titanic.
I realize that people have such a hard time understanding. But it truly is excrutiatingly painful. I have days and days that I just want to die. I feel so helpless, so angry, so sad and totally hopeless. I found some great programs for him, but the cost is astronomical. I would have to rob a bank. I don't know about the ward of the state. I only briefly checked into it 5 years ago, and the feedback I got about it sounded like if there were competant parents it couldn't be done. I'm sure I don't know all of the details. I've been in the process this summer of writing and calling the governor, the senators, the representatives, heads of family services for the state. you name it. Trying to bring it to the attention that the "inbetween" kids are the ones that CAN be helped. If he were retarded, or incapacitated there would be plenty of programs for him. Or if I had no money at all I MIGHT could find something....OR if he breaks the law....Oh yes then there would be programs. But he isn't any of those. He's an "in between" kid. He falls thru the cracks unless I win the lottery OR rob that bank! The guilt is so overwhelming that I rarely sleep, even with medication. I've gone back over every second of his life and my pregnancy trying to figure out if there wasn't something that must have happened. But I never come up with anything. So to those who think that mommy doesn't want him and daddy doesn't want him. That couldn't be farther from the truth. It wouldn't affect any kid of visitation back and forth, because we both are worn ragged. In fact yes, both of us probably would be considered insane! For those that have kids that don't have anything more than a few behavior problems, I hope they do realize how blessed they are. I don't believe there is a greater pain than that of your children. I hurt for him 24 hours a day. I hurt for my daughter 24 hours a day. There aren't enough hours in a day for hurting for myself.
I just wanted some advice about some of the legal things that may or may not come up here soon. To get another attorney, I don't know if I can swing that again. His dad is a big guy, he can handle him physically, I can not. It's not a great situation there as it isn't a great situation here, but we have to muddle thru it day by day. I'm so sorry I know this is long, but I've been awake now for about 48 hours straight and i guess I have babbled a bit.
Sorry!

Originally posted by knorris72142
No wonder the poor kid has mental problems mommy don't want him around. dad will get angry if you bring him home to soon. sounds like more than your son need's counseling. you brought this child into the world but figure as long as you pay you're child support and insurance you'v done you're part. sounds like his problem's are inherited

[quote]Originally posted by Illinois Parent
[b]knorris -

wow, rarely do I defend a poster who doesn't want to keep their child with them, but you just guaranteed a response. Or attack, call it what you will.

Are you a psychiatrist? A psychologist? A parent even?

Read what this woman wrote...she had this 15 year old 200 lb. child for 10 years...during which time the child was institutionalized three times. Parents who don't want to care for their kids or do what's best for them can't have them locked up just because they are 'difficult' or have 'mental problems. Children have to be severly distrubed to qualify for that kind of intervention. Perhaps it is inherited, afterall, true mental illness is a mystery. How nice of you to torture this poor parent further.

True mental illness is just as real as any other illness, such as diabetes or cancer. Both of which also seem to have a genetic element. In either case, one should not 'blame' the parents for passing on defective genes to their kids. Or do you subscribe to the view that such inherited diseases only happen to those who deserve it, something like the sins of the fathers being visited on the sons? What a comforting thought, what a self-righteous, smug attitude for all of us who were fortunate enough to have healthy kids. And what a viscious, ignorant position to take. Are you really going to say to the parents of a child born with muscular dystrophy that they must have done something to deserve the heartache of having a child that will never have a normal life, never live a full life like the rest of us? There is no difference. The parents of a child who is mentally ill face the same heartache. And, thanks to ignorant, semi-literate genetic throw backs like you, they also get the joy of being treated as societal paraiahs. I wonder if you would be foolish enough to actually say something like that in public, putting your face and your real identity behind the statements you made. If not, then keep your opinions to yourself here. Yes, this is 'only' cyberspace, but remember, there are real people behind these words.

Just for your information, people who judge others harshly and visciously and smugly DO have mental problems. Low self-esteem that can only be bolstered by putting others down. Lack of human compassion, also known as sociopaths. Or simply, personality disorders that make them incapable of functioning as civilized human beings. These are mental problems. Problems that require intensive intervention are physical, i.e., electrical misfirings in the brain, chemical imbalances in the body and brain, etc. The mental problems that people who have these sorts of physical problems are excerbated by if not originated in dealing with others with attitudes like yours, trying to fit into a society that sees any disorder with a psychological component or manifestation as being purely 'emotional problems'.
Enough time and energy on you.

Yes I am a parent of 4 teenagers. one of who also suffers from her own mental problems and can be a handful herself, and I have to had her in a mental health hospital more than once because of her out of control behavior. so I do know exactly what it's like to walk in this posters shoe's thankyou . and I refuse to get into a '' pissing match '' with anyone over voicing my opinion, so you can make all the smart azz remarks you. like I will not respond. And ''would I be foolish enough to say the same in public.'' you bet I would, I live in the great UNITED STATE'S OF AMERICA. and I have the freedom to speach and do not hesatate to use.... I was not attacking this person for their childs Illness, I was attacking because of their remark, '' I 'v done my job if I just pay child support and insurance.'' you're insults do not bother me so have at it all you want. this will be my only response to you for as you said, '' Enough time and energy on you.'' BITE ME....

[/quote] And all they say is that we have joint legal custody with the father having primary physical custody. All if says about visitation is that I have the right to see him on certain dates and occasions. All that I can see that I HAVE to do is pay child support and provide insurance, which I do way more than that, but I just want to know legally what is acceptable.

.... I was not attacking this person for their childs Illness, I was attacking because of their remark, '' I 'v done my job if I just pay child support and insurance.''

Please re read my posts. I was stating what the papers said. He attacked my 11 yr old daughter and I only needed some answers in case I ran into trouble....My latest post should've made things a little clearer for you. But it happens all the time for people truly do not understand. If you have this type of child also, then I'm not surprised at the angered posts. Child support and insurance...please if that was all! The first 10 years his father did neither! I hope you have found the answers for your daughter, there is no greater pain than watching your child suffer. Even if their behavior is so terrible that it causes other people pain, you still love the child in spite of it all and that I think is the most painful part of it all.

Originally posted by smttct
Florida.
The first 10 years....At age 4 he was kicked out of daycare. The first psych we saw was flabbergasted at how out of control he was. He was then peeing all over the floors and walls because he "knew it made mom mad". Busting windows, doors, walls, Deficating everywhere...You name it. They wanted him put into a psych ward. At that time, he was so out of control I was afraid for myself and my then 2 month old daughter. We also thot that the psychs were professionals and they knew SO much more than we did. We did that for 3 months. We were there every night, dragging my daughter around in her carrier. We were there for behavior modification classes, parenting classes, counseling. etc. etc. He came home, things got worse. I heard on TV that kids like this had allergies. Took him to Buffalo to see THAT Dr. ...According to them he was allergic to everything. We did the allergy drops and elimination diets for awhile. There wasn't alot he COULD eat. Things only got worse, partly because it was SO controlling for him and there wasn't anything he was "supposed" to eat. We stopped that. Things REALLY spiraled then. Then we heard of the attachment center in Evergreen CO. Took him there. 3 months....$27,000. NO INSURANCE coverage for that one! In between all of these hosp...there were Dr.s counselors, different medications etc.etc. The AC was rough. It was very controversial, but we had no other avenue. We ran out of money after 3 months. My husband paid for all of this without question. His bio father never paid a cent. He got home, things escalated so much I had to call the police on several occasions. My husband was in the military and was gone quite a bit. The police never would do anything because he was too young. Then awhile later...another hospital. This one for 6 months....3 hours away. We drove every weekend there for therapy etc. etc. Things seemed to be better, it was structured with other kids and caregivers who only worked 8 hour shifts. But when we brought him home it worsened. I had been begging his dad to please just take him for one year so I could attempt to repair my daughter's pain. He refused and refused and refused. He really should've paid half of the bills that insurance hadn't paid, but I never made him do it. I was too nice. Then when he was 10, I had a nervous breakdown, FINALLY>I got an attorney in GA and gave him the choice of taking custody or paying me half of the $47,000 we had spent. Insurance spent almost a million dollars total themselves! So he took him, and things seemed to be going well, he even said he was glad I had done what I had did because it forced him to be a father to him. But over the years, I've still done everything. I've handled all the Dr. appts, medications, counseling (from another state) because in his mind, he thinks counselors are "stupid". I drive 6 hours to get him every month for a week, do all of the Dr. things here, and then take him back. Plus all the holidays and summers. I always add another week to any holidays to give them a break. While trying to keep my job so he will have insurance. My husbands only covers him if he lives here full time. My ex owns his own small business and doesn't have insurance. I pay for everything, all of his clothes, everything he needs for school, anything that pops up. Just this past year, I've racked up about $5000 in medical bills (AFTER insurance) But I'm handling all of that. I try to make things as easy as I possibly can for my ex and his wife. They still scream at me every time I call just to check on everything. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Where I live, I have no family closeby, I work odd shifts, my daughter is 11 and my husband works out of town 3 gone and 4 home and then switches 4 gone and 3 home. His bio father has his parents and my parents right there.
Meanwhile different medications, last summer no medications, multiple medications you name it. He relates well with 10 year olds. His maturity level is about that. Except when he's around 15 year olds....Then he turns into them and they never know theres a problem. He is truly worse when he is with me. As all kids probably are worse with their mothers. He is so so much bigger than I am, I can't handle him physically anymore. I don't want my husband to because it isn't his place. But he wears you down....I've had SO many people say, oh he can't be that bad, I'll take him for a few days you'll see. WELL within 2 days....he's back and they are just flabbergasted at how quickly he can drive you to tears. His diagnoses codes are ADHD, OCD, ODD, BP and IRD. The OCD is probably the worst. His obsessions are about EVERYTHING. The opposition is sometimes baffling. I have been fighting these disorders for 11 years. I still do all that I possibly can and by no means meant to sound that I didn't want him. If I could handle him myself, I would leave my husband and let him have my daughter just to try and cure my son. But I can't handle him. I've been told that sometimes to save the rest of the family sometimes you have to sacrifice one. That sounds so cruel and I have a hard time stomaching it.
I hear opinions from people all the time like some of the ones I've read, they don't bother me anymore because I know that if I didn't have a child like this, I probably wouldn't understand either. But I have to keep in mind I have another daughter who has convinced herself that this is all her fault and has stressed herself out so much that she has hives from head to toe. The Dr. says I have got to get him out of the house or my whole family will go down like the titanic.
I realize that people have such a hard time understanding. But it truly is excrutiatingly painful. I have days and days that I just want to die. I feel so helpless, so angry, so sad and totally hopeless. I found some great programs for him, but the cost is astronomical. I would have to rob a bank. I don't know about the ward of the state. I only briefly checked into it 5 years ago, and the feedback I got about it sounded like if there were competant parents it couldn't be done. I'm sure I don't know all of the details. I've been in the process this summer of writing and calling the governor, the senators, the representatives, heads of family services for the state. you name it. Trying to bring it to the attention that the "inbetween" kids are the ones that CAN be helped. If he were retarded, or incapacitated there would be plenty of programs for him. Or if I had no money at all I MIGHT could find something....OR if he breaks the law....Oh yes then there would be programs. But he isn't any of those. He's an "in between" kid. He falls thru the cracks unless I win the lottery OR rob that bank! The guilt is so overwhelming that I rarely sleep, even with medication. I've gone back over every second of his life and my pregnancy trying to figure out if there wasn't something that must have happened. But I never come up with anything. So to those who think that mommy doesn't want him and daddy doesn't want him. That couldn't be farther from the truth. It wouldn't affect any kid of visitation back and forth, because we both are worn ragged. In fact yes, both of us probably would be considered insane! For those that have kids that don't have anything more than a few behavior problems, I hope they do realize how blessed they are. I don't believe there is a greater pain than that of your children. I hurt for him 24 hours a day. I hurt for my daughter 24 hours a day. There aren't enough hours in a day for hurting for myself.
I just wanted some advice about some of the legal things that may or may not come up here soon. To get another attorney, I don't know if I can swing that again. His dad is a big guy, he can handle him physically, I can not. It's not a great situation there as it isn't a great situation here, but we have to muddle thru it day by day. I'm so sorry I know this is long, but I've been awake now for about 48 hours straight and i guess I have babbled a bit.
Sorry!

Will let me first tell you that I am sorry for insulting you. I was accused by ILL MOM of being cruel and insensitve, I am not. my reason for saying the things I did was simply because to me it sounded like you felt that as long as you payed support then you were fulfilling you're childs need and free to make him someone else's problem. if i am mistaken then I am truly sorry for what I said, I also have a 15 year old daughter that has many of the same problems your son has and I know what a nightmare it can be. and sense the death of her father 2 years ago it has been me and my husband who have her sole caregivers and suffered through many, many days and nights of her wrecking havic on us and our three other kids. I always say she is not happy if I am happy. it seems her whole purpose in life is destroy everyone else in our home. I can not count the number of times she has attacked one of us and she has gone as far as to try and stap me while I was asleep. and twice sense that time I have woke up after midnight to find her standing over our bed with a knife in her hand. and like you said the police are NO help when it comes to this matter. they always say take her to a hospital. which we have done twice and they will keep her 14 days and then when she comes home it's only worse. so again I am sorry for attacking you when you're in such a terrible situation. I guess because of dealing with my daughter I have a soft heart for kids that have such tormenting lifes to try and figure out. that when I misunderstood what you were saying it just put me on the attack. I do apologize it just sounded to me like you were looking for away out and even with everything we go through everyday because of this one child in our home I could never imagine having her living anywhere else, Kathie

Thanks so much for your reply....I know how you feel. I also see other people with kids and I always jump to conclusions and see red right away...I just want to jump all over the parent in the mall while they are screaming at their kid....I have to really really use every bit of self control that I have to keep my mouth shut!....I wonder sometimes if its maybe a way to relieve some of my overwhelming guilt? I just get SO tired of running into brick walls....I've spent so many years talking and writing to congressmen, governors, representatives, anybody and everybody that has any kind of pull or importance. Its always led to nothing. This past friday night, I really thot he was having a nervous breakdown after his attacking rage.....I tried to have him hospitalized. The on call psychiatrist ( of course MINE was nowhere to be found) told me that if you have a child with a mental disorder...FLORIDA is the absolute WORST state to be in! So NO they wouldn't take him....The state of Montana was actually the best for children with mental disorders. Also Colorado. That's where the Attachment Center at Evergreen is. From your description, I'm assuming you have already heard of Reactive Attachment Disorder? When we were there, back when my son was 6....There was a girl there, she was 13 yrs old. OMG it was absolutely horrifying. This girl was adorable! But....she had put her mother thru absolute Hell also. She had tried to kill her mother on several occasions, along with one of her brothers.....She had several siblings but only tried to harm one particular brother on several occassions. It just made absolutely NO sense whatsoever. But of course what mental disorders DO make sense! But the books on the RAD almost all of the kids behaviors are almost exactly alike! It is VERY scary! I get So angry sometimes at God because I just can't help him no matter what I do. When he went to live with his dad, even though it was a huge burden lifted off me, I spent night after night crying and crying. He's here ALOT during the year, and every time I take him back, it's so hard on me all over again. It just never gets any easier does it. There is a bagboy at my grocery store that has SOME type of disorder, he is 25 years old..... I think his is more toward mental retardation, but he is part of a group home thru a church that provides jobs for them. He is so sweet, but he is way behind the norm....My son is not even similar to his problems, but he definately won't be able to function in the real world. But when I saw the boy today, my heart just absolutely broke in two. Because I kept thinking, that will be my son one day. I worry so much about when he turns 18. Any way....Nothing in the world is harder than this. I often think, if he had a medical terminal disease, it might be easier, maybe I would understand it better? I'm not sure. But this is just so hard and frustrating to understand! Even after 11 years....I STILL can't understand it NOR accept it**************It just doesn't seem fixable, ever!

I hope you have forums you are on, one is Time 2 Unwind, another is called the parent advocate network. The web address is [url]www.ezboard.com[/url] both of those forums are on the ez board, they have a bunch more too. Even one for RAD, and disorder specific. I really like them, they are very sympathetic and non judgemental and use humor alot! I think when all of this started it would've been a little easier had I had access to these forums, of course this was BEFORE the internet!

Thanks again for replying, it is so sad that there are so many kids just like this and there are NO programs available and NO help! And the police...right....I guess their hands are tied too as to what they can and can not do, but I still get SO frustrated with them. Because they won't do ANYTHING...But By God, If I do something to him trying to control him....I'd be locked up UNDERNEATH the jail house!

Sorry it's taken me a couple of days to reply, It has been very hectic here but's it's starting to calm down abit. My daughter suffer's from, ADHD, OCD, BI-POLAR and is schezophreneic with HOMICIDAL tendises [ my spelling is awful sorry ] the last time we had her in the hospital the DR. recomended we not bring her back home to live because of her constant thought and plan to kill me, but of course they could not give us any help with finding a place that would be willing to take her even for a short term. just about every place we contacted said they could not take a child that was so violent. so of course we had no choice but to bring her back home. and like I said before I am not looking for a perminent place to put her. even with everything we go through every day I could not imagine her being somewhere else on a perminent basis's. we had hoped to just get a short term placement until we could get her more under control, but as you know there;s just no help.. and again I am so sorry for the things I said to you in my first reply. I am lucky that I have my parents close by and they are able to give me a day break every week . GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND I HOPE YOU FIND SOME SORT OF PEACE IN YOU'RE SITUATION, and thank you for the contact info you gave me I was not aware of these, as you know having a child with so many problems really limits you're contact with the outside world, please stay in touch, Kathie. [email]knorris72142@yahoo.com[/email]