Partner Refuses to Get Tested for Disease Which Could Affect Child

[wadell]

The state of which I reside is Maryland.

I am 15 weeks pregnant and have received a call from the father of my child that he doesn't want to participate in the pregnancy or assist in raising the child once it's born.

Prior to this revelation I've asked the father on several ocassions to get tested for sickle cell disease because I have the trait. Before he told me that he no longer wanted to be part of the pregnancy and furthermore the child's life he would continuously tell me that he has an appointment to get tested; but of course something always comes up where he could not keep the appointment.

It is VERY important that I know if he has anemia or if he is also a trait carrier. My o.b. physician is furious that "my partner" has yet to get tested.

Is there legal action I could take to force him to take the test?

Thanks in advance,

 

[CourtClerk]

No you can't force him to take the test. It's his body and he gets to make the decisions for his body, just like you get to make the decisions you make for yours. As far as your OB being furious, tell him/her to get over it. It seems like if this was such a big issue for you, then you would have had your mate tested BEFORE you had sex to ensure this wouldn't happen. People I know who were RESPONSIBLE about reproduction underwent genetic testing with their SPOUSES before they made babies so they knew what they were dealing with.

So, get over it. If the baby has sickle cell, you'll find out when he/she is born. If you're already pregnant, then the options are still there for you. You either have the baby and deal with it or not. The same as if he took the test now. If he took the test and he had the trait, you'd be in the same position. Either have the baby or not. They can't cure sickle cell in utero, so what's the difference?

 

[moburkes]

I agree. How interesting that it suddenly is SO important that he get tested after they've already had sex, after they've already gotten pregnant. Interesting.

 

[CourtClerk]

I agree. How interesting that it suddenly is SO important that he get tested after they've already had sex, after they've already gotten pregnant. Interesting.

I'm sure it has much more to do with this:

he doesn't want to participate in the pregnancy or assist in raising the child once it's born.

It's this new age, sleep with him, then get to know him and find out that he's not worth giving your body to. However, when one doesn't actually value their body, this is what you get. Indiscriminate sex with people you don't know nearly enough about to share DNA with, but you want to compel to do things because now you're pregnant.

Oh... and a baby isn't an "it."

***ETA: I wonder if she made him take an AIDS test before sleeping with him, or was that test not so important either???? (until that is, you get a result you don't really want)

 

[Ohiogal]

This man is NOT the father of this child. This child HAS no father. If you wanted your baby to have a father then you should have been married when you conceived. Also, you can't force ANYONE to consent to any testing. Only a court can do that and they are not going to force him to consent to this test. You are SOL.

 

[wadell]

Oh How the High and Mighty Throw Daggers

It seems that many of you have chosen to make wild accusations about me, the relationship with my ex, and how this child came to be. I did not think it was necessary to go into those details since the main issue is to find out if he is a carrier of sickle cell.

1. yes, we were tested for AIDS/HIV
2. yes, we were engaged to be married
3. yes, we were in a long-term relationship before we planned to conceive this child
4. no, we did not think to have genetic testing performed as most people do not think about this until there is a problem
5. no, I don't hate my ex
6. using "it" is appropriate for the child isn't scientifically considered a baby, it's considered a fetus at this point in my pregnancy

One of you made a comment about "being married"; as if this would stop someone from leaving a relationship. The last I've checked divorces happen everyday...all day. If a person no longer wants to be a relationship they are going to leave, marriage decree or not.

Also the statement about responsible people getting genetically tested is funny as well. The assumption from this statement is that those who don't get genetically tested are irresponsible. I pose this to you, when you were conceived did your parents get genetically tested before having you? I doubt it. So, let's assume they did not, are they now considered irresponsible?

It's sad that you all have chosen to "judge" the situation; incorrectly, instead of providing advice; I thought this is what this forum was about.

I am awaiting the advise of an "attorney" not the peanut-gallery.

 

[stealth2]

It seems that many of you have chosen to make wild accusations about me, the relationship with my ex, and how this child came to be. I did not think it was necessary to go into those details since the main issue is to find out if he is a carrier of sickle cell.

1. yes we were tested for AIDS/HIV
2. yes we were engaged to be married
3. yes we were in a long-term relationship before we planned to conceive this child
4. no, we did not think to have genetic testing performed as most people do not think about this until there is a problem

One of you made a comment about "being married"; as if this would stop someone from leaving a relationship. The last I've checked divorces happen everyday...all day. If a person no longer wants to be a relationship they are going to leave, marriage decree or not.

Also the statement about responsible people getting genetically tested is funny as well. The assumption from this statement is that those who don't get genetically tested are irresponsible. I pose this to you, when you were conceived did your parents get genetically tested before having you? I doubt it. So, let's assume they did not, are they now considered irresponsible?

It's sad that you all have chosen to "judge" the situation; incorrectly, instead of providing advice; I thought this is what this forum was about.

You're missing the point, waddle... Unless you found out in the past 15 weeks that you carry sickle cell anemia, screening a potential parent was something you should have done prior to sleeping with him. You apparently chose not to do so, and so you're stuck. Move on.

 

[wadell]

I found out 15 weeks ago about being a trait carrier.

 

[stealth2]

How convenient. How old are you (yes, it's a relevant question)?

 

[CourtClerk]

I pose this to you, when you were conceived did your parents get genetically tested before having you?

No they didn't. However, neither one of them had sickle cell, carried the trait or any other genetic abnormality that could have been passed on to their children that they were AWARE of. Therefore, genetic testing wouldn't have been necessary. YOU have the sickle cell trait. This is something YOU should think about each and every time you decide to screw someone since YOU could potentially make a baby.

I am awaiting the advise of an "attorney" not the peanut-gallery.

An attorney has already answered you and told you to go pound sand basically. Oh yeah, and that person was correct in saying at this point... the only person who has a baby is you. He has no child, and doesn't even know for certainty that the child you are carrying is his.

 

[wadell]

My ex does not question the paternity; at least he hasn't expressed it to me.

 

[CourtClerk]

Well good for you (for now). He doesn't question the paternity and still doesn't want to be involved with your child. Wonderful man you had while in this "long term relationship" where you were "engaged to be married."

The facts remain the same. He is under no obligation to submit himself to any medical test he doesn't want to. He is under no legal obligation to you and/or this child at this point.

 

[wadell]

Thanks for the advice

 

[Bloopy]

One of you made a comment about "being married"; as if this would stop someone from leaving a relationship. The last I've checked divorces happen everyday...all day. If a person no longer wants to be a relationship they are going to leave, marriage decree or not.

Duh.

Being married to him would have made him the LEGAL FATHER of the child even if he chose to leave.

In your defense, I'm assuming you were tested for sickle cell upon your first OB visit.

It’s not a convenient coincidence that she just found out.

CourtClerk pointed out your options at this point.

 

[wadell]

Thanks! And you are correct, I found out about being a carrier when I was tested weeks ago with my o.b.

I was under the impession that I had no legal recourse; but it never hurts to ask.