Paternity suit from adult child-is there a way?

What is the name of your state?
Colorado
My father left Germany 3 mths. BEFORE I was born. He was an American soldier. He promised to send my Mom and me to the States to be with him once I was born. My Mother and Grandfather sent him a letter stating that I was born, and that I was a girl, and what would his intentions be.
No one ever heard back from the States. He lives in Texas.
My entire family moved to the States in 1972. I had searched for my Dad, and found him at age 28 yrs. He came to see me, but since his wife, whom he married when I was 10 yrs old, was jealous of our new found father-daughter relationship, over the phone and letters, he promised her that he wouldn't be in touch with me any longer. That was very damaging to me.
I am 46 yrs old now,and it still hurts to this day that he left, and then cut off communications again. I had talked to him last year, the first time in 18 yrs. I told him that my Mom died a couple of years ago of Lou Gerig Decease.
I was put into a childrens home for my first 2 yrs of life. My Grandfather paid each month to keep me there, so no one would find out that my Mother had me without being married to a foreigner.
My question is, can I as an adult, and my Mom being deceased, file a suit against my Dad for damages, abandonment, mental pain and suffering for all these years?
The only prove that I have are old letters and forms that were sent to him when I was born. He never admitted on paper that he is my dad, only to me in person. Can I have a paternity test done on him? I know my Mom could have done this, but she didn't want to go through all the pain again, being reminded of the hard times she had when he left us thousands of miles behind. What are my rights as a child being left by my Father, now where I am an adult?
If there are no laws for children once they are grown, then there should be, because no matter what your age, there will always be this pain, feeling of loss and abandonment, and it can affect someones life and marriage because of what a parent did 46 yrs ago.
Any help would be appreciated.
Thank you,
Vielen Dank
Schminda

[stephenk]

sorry, you have no legal cause of action against your bio-dad.

Thank you Stephenk, at least I know where I'm standing. I guess that is life.
Have a great week.
Schminda

I live in NY. My situation similar. Although no parties involved are from other countries, I grew up here and my father was married to my mother. They had three children together. When we were all under the age of 4 my father took off to Florida and we never heard from him again. My mother could not afford to file for divorce and my father never filed either. He did marry again anyway. He never paid one red cent to my mother. When she found out where he was years later, she found out and told the authorities that he was illeagally remarried and never paid support. No one seemed to care. By the time she found him we were grown. Although child support laws are much better now, my father had a great deal to due with making our lives worse than they should have been. Not just financially but emotionally. My brother could not bring himself to name his first born son after him because it was also my father's name. I feel that because my mother didn't take care of it on our behalf, now that we are grown we should be able to. After all, he caused us pain and suffering and still does to this day. It breaks my heart when my son asks me about him.

Originally posted by l_eriksen
I live in NY. My situation similar. Although no parties involved are from other countries, I grew up here and my father was married to my mother. They had three children together. When we were all under the age of 4 my father took off to Florida and we never heard from him again. My mother could not afford to file for divorce and my father never filed either. He did marry again anyway. He never paid one red cent to my mother. When she found out where he was years later, she found out and told the authorities that he was illeagally remarried and never paid support. No one seemed to care. By the time she found him we were grown. Although child support laws are much better now, my father had a great deal to due with making our lives worse than they should have been. Not just financially but emotionally. My brother could not bring himself to name his first born son after him because it was also my father's name. I feel that because my mother didn't take care of it on our behalf, now that we are grown we should be able to. After all, he caused us pain and suffering and still does to this day. It breaks my heart when my son asks me about him.

Hello l_eriksen in N.Y.
Thanks for your reply, it helps to know that there are other people living with the same pain as me out there.
Most times I go on with normal life, but every now and then, my Dad comes into my mind, like Holidays, his Birthday, my Birthday,and wonder how he can just ignore his own child like that.
I'm surprised that Florida didn't do anything about him marrying when he was still married in N.Y.
I used to live in Florida, visited N. Y. once in 1995.
I don't think that Fathers who leave their kids behind, unborn or born at the time, realize how much damage they cause to their offsprings for the rest of their lives.
At least when someone gets divorced, the kids know it's not because of them, but being abandoned, now that really hurts-forever. I'm not saying that children from divorce don't hurt, but at least most of them will see their father on visiting days, where the abandoned children will always wonder where their father is and what he looks like,and does he ever think of me.
It hurts our self esteem, and our jobs and marriages. But live goes on.
I still feel that there should be a law where abandoned children can take their father or mother into court for pain and suffering. A lot of people here in the USA file suits agains medical, and jobs for pain and suffering, why should being abandoned be any different? That pain last a whole lifetime, if we want it to or not.
The past never disappears.
Schminda

If parents have rights to take the other parent into court, on behalf of their minor children, then grown children should be able to do the same, and hold the biological parent in contempt of dessertion, in the USA or in another country like Germany, where I am from originally.
My dad Jim Powell from Nederland, Texas, has no idea how much pain he has caused me. I'm in my 40's now, but as I found out, getting older does not make the pain go away.
He had a long relationship with my Mom, and she ended up pregnant. When the Army sent him back to the USA in 1956 he promised to sent for us once I was born, which was only 3 mths. later, but he never did. I guess being away thousands of miles you forget real quick your responsibilities and promises.
My Mom was a nurse, she was shunned by other Germans for dating an American, I was placed into an orphanage for my first 2 yrs. My grandfather (music composer and teacher) paid for me to be in the childrens home. They sent letters to my Dad in Texas informing him of my birth, but no reply.
I came to the USA with my Mother, 5 siblings and stephdad in 1972. I found my real dad when I was 28 yrs old, he was SURPRISED. We met and talked, and a few months later he broke off all communication with me, because his wife, who he married when I was 10 yrs old, was jealous and could not handle it. This was more devastating to me then when he left before I was born, because now I had met him, talked every day on the phone, just to get knocked down again. Are all Texans so cold hearted?
I just called him earlier this year, to ask a medical question, I was lucky that he answered, because since that day I have been unable to get in touch with him again. My cholesterol level came back high, even though I'm not overweight, so I called him, and he said that he and all of his siblings have high cholesterol.
Now I feel that he was responsible for me being alive, and also responsible for my future death, maybe dying of heart disease, since it is genetic.
I know that I am not the only one who was left behind by American Soldiers in Germany, there are many that were left behind in other countries, like Vietnam, and we all feel the same pain, even though we never talk much about it. It's a silent pain that will live within us.
Sometimes I really feel about driving to Texas, and confront him and tell him about how much pain he has caused me in the past 47 yrs. Of course his wife wouldn't let me close to him since she has a problem with this. Why can he not be man enough to stand up to her? What does she have on him?
The last time I talked to him, I wanted to send him a picture of me and my new husband, being married in Hawaii on the beach, my 3rd marriage ( I always do the leaving) just like my dad. I read that daughters who where left behind by their Dad's do the leaving in their marriages because they don't want to get hurt, and have the husband leave, even though he has no plans of leaving.
About sending him a picture, he said he couldn't give me his address, he moved from Nederland to Sam Rayburn Reservoir, where I had met him once for one day in 1984.
He said that he looks like the old George Bush, I told him that I look like Princess Di. I guess we leave it at that for now, for another few years. He is 72 now, not much time left. At least I tried. Maybe God will judge him.
Schminda
P.s To all the ones who have been abandoned before birth, you are not alone!

[stealth2]

Have you given any thought to counseling? I am not minimizing the pain you feel, but there does come a point where each of us must put the bad parts of our life behind us and move forward. A therapist might be able to help you do so.

unfortunetly, you can only sue for back cs up until your 26 yrs. old. if you choose to sue him for abandonment and mental anguish, the whole 9 yards, check it out with a lawyer. but the cs is gone.

I wouldn't even care about the money. I would just love to see a Judge tell my father what a piece of worthless crap he is. I rarely think about him but when I do I wish he was in front of me so I can tell him that I hope he lives a long lonely, painful, life by himself so he can reflect on his mistakes. I cannot imagine that my siblings and I do not come to his mind. My brother is his first born child named after him. I hope he thinks about that every day. I have heard that he has two more children and it bothers me that he raised them and never even called us. It also bothers me that I have two more siblings that I have the right to know. I also heard that his second wife knows about us and didn't want him to have any contact with us. Although it is to late for that, we are all in our thirties, that just makes him a coward and we are better off with out him. PS My mother was pregnant with my sister when he left.

Yes I have mentioned it in counseling when I went to deal with my Mother's death. I'm not misserable, but every now and then it does bother me.
I did call my Father in Jan. to let him know that my Mom died of Lou Gehrig Decease 4 yrs ago. He seemed very interested in that, but a little too late.
Schminda

when you spoke to your father, did you ask him why he did what he did? maybe its time to have a long talk with him and really get his side. theres always 2 sides to every story.

Thanks for your reply. I did ask him in 1984 when I first met him, at age 28, why he didn't send for us. He said that he wasn't ready for marriage at age 26. He married someone else 10 yrs later, and has 2 son's with this marriage. He never told his current wife until I found him, about me. She has a big problem with him staying in touch with me, and therefor he is not in touch. This happened 10 yrs before they got married, I don't understand why she has to be so jealous of him being in touch with me, unless she is worried about inheritance.
Schminda

did you ever ask her why she has such a problem with you? maybe you should call and ask her what her problem is? it shouldn't be a problem with money because she's going to inherit regardless but she's very stingy for not wanting you to have a relationship of any kind with him. maybe you should call him and have him meet you, along with his wife for a meeting to find out. your grown, theres nothing wrong with you asking what the problem is. you never know, he may have told her something that wasn't true and that why she acts the way he does. or maybe he's only telling you that as an excuse and she really does want to meet you. try it and see what happens.

I met her once when I moved from CO to FL, in the presence of my father and my daughter ( his granddaughter) and my husband.
They thought that it would be best not to stay in touch, since it was a long time ago, and they didn't want anyone to know.
I also asked me not to get in touch with my 2 half brothers, but 5 yrs later I did, and met one of them, the older one named John, in Austin, TX. He was very happy to find out that he had a sister.
But he stopped being in touch within days of meeting him, must have had a talk with his parents.
I have asked my father what her problem is, he said that she is controlling and jealous,and that it bothers her a lot that he has a daughter. I know that she was pregnant with a baby girl and lost it.
The last time I asked him to get a post office box if it bothers her, this way we could at least stay in touch. he said that he doesn't want to do it behind her back, since she found out once before and got all upset.
I can see if she was in the picture when I was born in Germany, but she wasn't. But he never told her about having a child in Germany from a previous relationship.
I think that she is way overdoing it, and that he is a wimp, no back bone as you call it over here in the States.
He is retired from Texaco in TX after working there for 30 yrs.
Just curious, do I have any rights to his will if he dies? I never had his last name, just papers informing him of my birth, and letters he had written me when we first met. But he never signed "Dad" or said anything in his letter that he is my Dad.
He admitted it to me in person that he is, nothing in writing.
Thanks,
Schminda