Powerful controlling parents destroying adult daughter's life. Is this legal?

[NotBlue]

(I don't know if this is in the right section, so sorry if it's not)

Here's the situation: A close friend of mine (a legal adult in college, full USA citizen, home in washington state) has extremely an extremely controlling parent, one of which is an immigrant from a largely communist country (unnamed for anonymity) with extremely powerful high-up government connections back in that country.

My friend is very hard-working, and earned a very valuable full-ride scholarships to a good school in california (lets just say it's worth over half a million dollars). She's already attended this school for two years, and really wants to return again the upcoming year.

However, the controlling parent has essentially declared full control of her life, just recently. If she does not comply to all the parent's demands (which includes not attending this college), the parent (apparently) somehow has the power to call off the scholarship without her permission and enrollment, etc. This parent has also hinted at the ability to have her declared legally insane at the parent's whim, therefore putting her in the parent's "care" (no more free will for the rest of her life).

Needless to say, this is a terrifying situation. This parent tracks practically everything she does (access to her emails and bank accounts), which is why I'm posting here and not her.

What can be done? Particularly the situation at hand - is it possible for a parent to legally trash an adult child's scholarship? What actions can be taken to free her?

 

[Proserpina]

(The "what is the name of your state" thing is actually the first, and often most important, question you need to answer)

The legal adult needs to basically take charge of her life.

She needs to realize that her parents cannot simply declare her "insane".

She needs to realize that her parents cannot "call off" any sort of scholarship in that manner.

 

[mistoffolees]

(The "what is the name of your state" thing is actually the first, and often most important, question you need to answer)

The legal adult needs to basically take charge of her life.

She needs to realize that her parents cannot simply declare her "insane".

She needs to realize that her parents cannot "call off" any sort of scholarship in that manner.

Absolutely. Ultimately, she is an adult and can make her own decisions.

OP has only 2 roles to play here:
1. Moral support (or financial if he/she wishes) to the adult child, encouraging them to get counseling, etc.

2. IF (and only if) she actually sees physical harm, she can call the police, although that doesn't appear to be the case here.



But, what in the world are you doing up and answering questions at 3 am (Central- that's between 1 am and 4 am in the Continental US)?

 

[eerelations]

What I'm wondering is what the police said to the OP's friend when she (the friend) called them to report the theft of $5,000+ from her bank account.

 

[Proserpina]

Absolutely. Ultimately, she is an adult and can make her own decisions.

OP has only 2 roles to play here:
1. Moral support (or financial if he/she wishes) to the adult child, encouraging them to get counseling, etc.

2. IF (and only if) she actually sees physical harm, she can call the police, although that doesn't appear to be the case here.



But, what in the world are you doing up and answering questions at 3 am (Central- that's between 1 am and 4 am in the Continental US)?

Got tied into a Jack Bauer marathon

 

[LdiJ]

(The "what is the name of your state" thing is actually the first, and often most important, question you need to answer)

The legal adult needs to basically take charge of her life.

She needs to realize that her parents cannot simply declare her "insane".

She needs to realize that her parents cannot "call off" any sort of scholarship in that manner.

There is a slight chance that her parents could mess with her scholarship. If the scholarship requires that a FSFA be submitted and the parents refuse to cooperate with that, that could cause some scholarship problems. However, if she received the scholarship for merit, her parents cannot call it off.

She needs to get her tush back to school, and not come home at all any more.

 

[NotBlue]

Regarding the state, I mentioned all the relevant states in the original post.

But, what in the world are you doing up and answering questions at 3 am (Central- that's between 1 am and 4 am in the Continental US)?

Well it was 1 AM here when I posted. I was up late for a number of reasons, and decided to post this kind of last-minute. I usually go to bet at midnight, kind of an insomniac I guess.

However, if she received the scholarship for merit, her parents cannot call it off.

It's purely merit based. Her family is far more than wealthy enough to pay for any school for her, but she wants to use the scholarship she earned because she can pursue the major she wants and become independent at last. Her parent, on the other hand, is trying to pull her out and force her into a different profession.

She needs to realize that her parents cannot "call off" any sort of scholarship in that manner.

The thing is not only can the parent can do this, but they have done it in the past at least once. Fortunately for her, in that occasion she talked to her parents and they allowed her her second year at the college. I don't know how they did it, but they did.

I think maybe since her parent has access to her email accounts, the parent forged an email temporarily calling off her enrollment and scholarship - but this is pure speculation. I really have no idea, just that the parent has power and influence - can call in favors, etc., and in fact did freeze her college account for a while one summer.

So what actions can be taken if the parent does this again, and how can it be prevented?

What I'm wondering is what the police said to the OP's friend when she (the friend) called them to report the theft of $5,000+ from her bank account.

I should have been more clear, the parent took this when she was 16 (this money was a personal gift to her from a relative). Can you imagine a 16 year old girl in this situation, when on top of that there is no proof anyway (since the parent has all her account info, so technically far as anyone's concerned it was the girl who took the $5000). But to be honest I don't know all the details. All I know is that she feels powerless, regardless of the law.

As someone mentioned, my place here is just to give her moral support. I know that this girl feels like she doesn't have free will any more, and I feel compelled to research this for her and at least help out with her legal rights info. I know the rest is up to her to act on.

Anyway thanks for the responses so far.

 

[xylene]

Troll CALL

one of which is an immigrant from a largely communist country (unnamed for anonymity) with extremely powerful high-up government connections back in that country.

powerful communist country?





In Soviet Advice Forum...

 

[Proserpina]

Regarding the state, I mentioned all the relevant states in the original post.


Well it was 1 AM here when I posted. I was up late for a number of reasons, and decided to post this kind of last-minute. I usually go to bet at midnight, kind of an insomniac I guess.

The question was actually being asked of me....not you

(It was a little late for me to be answering posts compared to my usual "schedule")

 

[CLJM]

All I know is that she feels powerless, regardless of the law. As someone mentioned, my place here is just to give her moral support. I know that this girl feels like she doesn't have free will any more, and I feel compelled to research this for her and at least inform her of her legal rights. I know the rest is up to her to act on.
Anyway thanks for the responses so far.

Perhaps your friend feels powerless and has no free will because she has allowed her parents to have that power over her. As an adult, she can go to school on her own, have her own financial accounts and email accounts solely in her name, etc...etc, etc.....
Her "powerful and controlling" parents can only have that power if she is dependent on them and/or allows it.

 

[LdiJ]

Your friend needs to open new bank accounts at a bank or banks where her parents do not bank.

She needs a new email address that her parents have no access to for use for school and personal business.

She needs a new mailing address for mail for school and business purposes so that her parents have no access to her mail.

There are many things that your friend can and should do to ensure that her parents cannot mess with her schooling or personal business.

 

[mistoffolees]

powerful communist country?

China qualifies.

 

[eerelations]

"I should have been more clear, the parent took this when she was 16 (this money was a personal gift to her from a relative). Can you imagine a 16 year old girl in this situation, when on top of that there is no proof anyway (since the parent has all her account info, so technically far as anyone's concerned it was the girl who took the $5000). But to be honest I don't know all the details. All I know is that she feels powerless, regardless of the law."

You're darn right you should have been more clear. Taking money out of her account when she's 16 has nothing whatsoever to do with taking money out of her account now. Unless she is allowing her parents access to her account, they have no access to it whatsoever. Ergo this is not an issue she should be wasting any time worrying about.

Your friend isn't powerless, she just feels powerless. Until she stops feeling powerless (and she's the only one who can do this), no one can help her. Period.

 

[NotBlue]

Unless she is allowing her parents access to her account, they have no access to it whatsoever.

The parents still have access to her account now I believe and have used it with her as an adult, but in any case it's not the issue here. I shouldn't have mentioned it, sorry. I want to focus on the scholarship, because she told me she really doesn't want her parent to destroy something she worked so hard for.

Your friend isn't powerless, she just feels powerless. Until she stops feeling powerless (and she's the only one who can do this), no one can help her. Period.

Maybe I'm also not making clear the parent's influence. For example, at one point, due to her hard work and academic progress (as an adult), she was approached with a very good part-time job offer, which she happily accepted. Everything was finalized and the had the position, only to learn the next day that the position no longer exists, receiving a call from her parent telling her that she's not allowed to work at that job, and she doesn't need to bother canceling because it's done. Don't ask me how this happened, I just know it happened.

I know that legally, this shouldn't be happening, and want to help her stop feeling powerless. I want her to know that she has the legal power to stop this, which is why I'm asking for info about the legality of this situation (I'm no lawyer).

 

[mistoffolees]

I know that legally, this shouldn't be happening, and want to help her stop feeling powerless. I want her to know that she has the legal power to stop this, which is why I'm asking for info about the legality of this situation (I'm no lawyer).

How many more times would you like to hear the answer?

1. YOU have no say in the matter legally. There is nothing legally you can do.

2. It's not illegal. If one adult wants to follow other adults mindlessly and do whatever they say to do, that's their choice (assuming that they're mentally competent to make that decision, of course).

3. Her 'legal power to stop this' doesn't involve the courts or judges or anything. It simply involves living her own life without doing whatever these people ask her to do. That is, it's not a legal issue; it's a matter of developing a backbone.

If you really want to do something, get her to find a counselor and learn why she's willing to let others control her life - and what she can do about it.