Pre Natal Agreement

[MBLinLA]

What is the name of your state? CALIFORNIA.

OK...here's a good one. My girlfriend of 4+ years, who is 38, wants to have a baby...!!! I am 47 and have 2 sons from a previous marriage. I'm OK with the whole idea, however I'd like to have a "PRE-NATAL AGREEMENT" stating that I will not be financially responsible for any of the child's expenses. She is a good woman and I know will take care of the child. She makes over $1M annually, so I'm sure it really won't be an issue. However, in order to protect myself, I'd like this agreement in place more as a safety shute than anything.
My question is...is there such an agreement and is it enforcable in a Californian court. Any advise...???
Thanks,
Mike

[rmet4nzkx]

Contact a sperm bank.

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by MBLinLA

What is the name of your state? CALIFORNIA.

OK...here's a good one. My girlfriend of 4+ years, who is 38, wants to have a baby...!!! I am 47 and have 2 sons from a previous marriage. I'm OK with the whole idea, however I'd like to have a "PRE-NATAL AGREEMENT" stating that I will not be financially responsible for any of the child's expenses. She is a good woman and I know will take care of the child. She makes over $1M annually, so I'm sure it really won't be an issue. However, in order to protect myself, I'd like this agreement in place more as a safety shute than anything.
My question is...is there such an agreement and is it enforcable in a Californian court. Any advise...???
Thanks,
Mike

besides being a piece of crap, (you, not the contract) the contract is unenforcable as against public policy.

I hope she finds a man next relationship.

[nextwife]

If she is interested in becoming a single mom, she should consider adoption. International adoption is a good option, as referrals are immediately available in some countries. We recieved the referral for our daughter quickly, although it took ten months to complete the legal process and get her home.

There are SO MANY babies with nobody to love them, stagnating in orphanages. It's such a shame. If she is so financially secure. the fees should be very managable for her.

BTW - My husband was 52, and the father of two grown kids, when we adopted our then-25 month old daughter.

im sorry, but it doesnt work that way. if you have a child with her, you BOTH are responsible for supporting the child. doesnt matter if she makes more money then you, you will be required to help support the child wether you want to or not. courts expect BOTH parents to support their children. the only way you can get out of supporting the child if you and your gf break up, she marries, and her husband adopts the child. think about it

[Zephyr]

if she, as you say, makes over 1 mil a year, going to a sperm bank should only be a minor expense for her, or as another poster stated, adoption, may take the same amount of time as a pregnancy, and she has the money to get tht rolling easily.

[MBLinLA]

Thank you to all who replied. Even the negative ones. We have discussed the various options pertaining to her maternal instincts and I have personally suggested adoption. Beyond the fact that I had a vasectomy 5 years ago, which has to be reversed. She insists that she wants me to impregnate her. I am simply attempting to avoid the same confusions and misunderstanding I experienced in my 1st marriage in the event we break-up for some reason or other. And seeing that my girlfriend and I are not married, I also have the child's best interest in mind. Just trying to cover the bases.
Any further advice would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Mike

[Zephyr]

Originally Posted by MBLinLA

Thank you to all who replied. Even the negative ones. We have discussed the various options pertaining to her maternal instincts and I have personally suggested adoption. Beyond the fact that I had a vasectomy 5 years ago, which has to be reversed. She insists that she wants me to impregnate her. I am simply attempting to avoid the same confusions and misunderstanding I experienced in my 1st marriage in the event we break-up for some reason or other. And seeing that my girlfriend and I are not married, I also have the child's best interest in mind. Just trying to cover the bases.
Any further advice would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Mike

you could see how the sperm bank works, they take your sperm, impregnate her but it;s all done through all of their procedures, the forms absolving you of responsibility etc. I don't know, one phone call could tell you though.


I must add though, having children with people you aren't married to is just not wise, what happens if you guys do break up, you have gotten attached to the child and mom could wisk it around the world and you'd never see it gain and there wouldn't be a darn thing you could do about it.

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by MBLinLA

Thank you to all who replied. Even the negative ones. We have discussed the various options pertaining to her maternal instincts and I have personally suggested adoption. Beyond the fact that I had a vasectomy 5 years ago, which has to be reversed. She insists that she wants me to impregnate her. Mike

O.K. then you tell her you would love to but need to roleplay and you have always wanted to play zorro.

Once you have the mask on and the lights are low, the spanish flaminco in the background, have a friend standing by and do the body switch. When it's over, splash yourself with a little warm water (sweat) and return to your rightful place.

You'll have a friend for life, an out during the divorce and a lifetime of "I've got a secret"

[brisgirl825]

Originally Posted by MBLinLA

I am simply attempting to avoid the same confusions and misunderstanding I experienced in my 1st marriage in the event we break-up for some reason or other.

I don't understand this at all. Perhaps someone from the male perspective, BB, IAAL, or anyone else with cajones, can help me here.

I thought the purpose of getting married was to live forever with the person of your choosing and ultimately have a family. So why would there be any confusion or misunderstandings? You got married, made babies, and you thought that if something happened you'd not have any responsibilities to the kids?

This scenario reminds me of Scott Peterson. He wasn't ready for marriage and a family, yet he played the game anyhow. I just don't understand.

[AHA]

Originally Posted by MBLinLA

Thank you to all who replied. Even the negative ones. We have discussed the various options pertaining to her maternal instincts and I have personally suggested adoption. Beyond the fact that I had a vasectomy 5 years ago, which has to be reversed. She insists that she wants me to impregnate her. I am simply attempting to avoid the same confusions and misunderstanding I experienced in my 1st marriage in the event we break-up for some reason or other. And seeing that my girlfriend and I are not married, I also have the child's best interest in mind. Just trying to cover the bases.
Any further advice would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,
Mike

Putting aside how much your gf earns, you have to admit that deliberately concieving a child with the intention of NEVER paying for ANYTHING for the child is a pretty pathetic, weak and a$$hole attitude! You are supposed to be a grown man, start acting like it.

[BelizeBreeze]

Originally Posted by brisgirl825

I don't understand this at all. Perhaps someone from the male perspective, BB, IAAL, or anyone else with cajones, can help me here.

I thought the purpose of getting married was to live forever with the person of your choosing and ultimately have a family. So why would there be any confusion or misunderstandings? You got married, made babies, and you thought that if something happened you'd not have any responsibilities to the kids?

This scenario reminds me of Scott Peterson. He wasn't ready for marriage and a family, yet he played the game anyhow. I just don't understand.

Read my first reply. There is a hidden little gem in there that will bite him in the ass

[MBLinLA]

Oh Dear Lord.
First off, I reject any reference to being an a$$hole. If I were, I simply would not take the time to post such a question on a forum such as this. Hey, I'd be an a$$hole, so why would I give a $hit. OK, now with that being said, and with everyones' self-righteous opinions in check, I would like to make it clear that I decided to have a vasectomy 5 years ago because at that time, I didn't want any more children. Furthermore, at that time, 43 year old my ex-girlfriend was on the pill and was a smoker. Which, has been scientifically proven not to a good health combination. By having a vasectomy, she was able to get off the pill without interferring with our sex life. Once that relationship had fallen by the way side, I met my current girlfriend. Having explained to my current that I already had a vasectomy and was unable to produce children, she was fine with it. But, now, she's changed her mind and wants a baby. Thus leaving me in somewhat of a spot. I am not trying to skirt any responsibilities about having a child, I'm simply seeking advice pertaining to this issue. I also, clearly understand that both the Federal and State court system expect both parents to accept responsibility for any child brought into the world, however, as explained, the majority of this is not my decision.
So, the question is, what do I do and how do I protect myself?
Advice....?????
Sincerely,
Mike

[rmet4nzkx]

Originally Posted by MBLinLA

Oh Dear Lord.
First off, I reject any reference to being an a$$hole. If I were, I simply would not take the time to post such a question on a forum such as this. Hey, I'd be an a$$hole, so why would I give a $hit. OK, now with that being said, and with everyones' self-righteous opinions in check, I would like to make it clear that I decided to have a vasectomy 5 years ago because at that time, I didn't want any more children. Furthermore, at that time, 43 year old my ex-girlfriend was on the pill and was a smoker. Which, has been scientifically proven not to a good health combination. By having a vasectomy, she was able to get off the pill without interferring with our sex life. Once that relationship had fallen by the way side, I met my current girlfriend. Having explained to my current that I already had a vasectomy and was unable to produce children, she was fine with it. But, now, she's changed her mind and wants a baby. Thus leaving me in somewhat of a spot. I am not trying to skirt any responsibilities about having a child, I'm simply seeking advice pertaining to this issue. I also, clearly understand that both the Federal and State court system expect both parents to accept responsibility for any child brought into the world, however, as explained, the majority of this is not my decision.
So, the question is, what do I do and how do I protect myself?
Advice....?????
Sincerely,
Mike

There is no guarentee that reversing your Vasectomy would be successful or her acheiving pregnancy at her age. Her best bet is to go to a fertility clinic and use donor sperm. That will also protect both of you, her insistance on your sperm knowing your history of Vasectomy really makes her intent suspect. However if you do get married, expect to put language into a pre-nup to limit future child support as a de facto parent, yep, after all of this, you could get stung.

[nextwife]

Well, I sure would never have even asked my HUSBAND, much less a boyfriend, to go through a vasectomy reversal, because I alone wanted to be a mom. You obviously had a vasectomy for a reason, maybe you felt that procreating twice was enough.

If she wants to be a mom, and you DON"T really want to be a dad, she can do what a lot of single women on my weblists have done - adopt as a single. Or she can go to a sperm bank. You did the responsible thing if you did not want more kids - you had a vasectomy. That IS your right. It is her right to want to be a mom, but if it is truly she alone that wants this, and you are not married to her, she has the right to adopt singly or use a sperm bank as a single! LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of single parents adopt. I am on weblists in which a great number of the parents are singles (REALLY singles, meaning the only actual parent).