Protecting the kids

[fashionman0228]

What is the name of your state? Florida

Hello,

My girlfriend is in the middle of a divorse that is taking forever to finalize and we are going through a situation that we are hoping someone can shed some light on. Although her soon to be ex-husband has always been verbally and physically abusive, and a drug user she has not discouraged the 2 young girls from seeing thier father for as the courts see it "both parents should encourage the children to interact and spend time with the other parent." Also, the reason why she hasn't really had much of a problem with allowing them to spend time with thier dad is because he went through a drug and parenting program and thought that he was staying clean. However, due to some recent discoveries we have proof that he is heavily using cocain, heroin, methadone, oxycodone, and we are now very scared to allow him time with the kids. From our research these medications along with the drugs alter mood swings, people have impulsive reactions and it also becomes a danger having him on these drugs and driving the kids around. Another thing that makes us worried is that he is also a manic depressant. I would like to know if there is any legal way to prevent him time alone or sleepovers with the kids until a final judgement is made in court. Mediation is not until mid february so we are looking at maybe another 3 - 4 months before this is all over but in the meantime we just want to neglect him visitation and seem as if we are trying to deny him the kids out of spite but we are just looking for the kids best interest and safety. If someone can give me some answers I will greatly appreciate it for we are also in fear that once he learns that we are trying to stall on his time that he might try to withdraw one of the kids early from school and try to keep her... THANKS FOR YOUR HELP

[CourtClerk]

Has he posed a danger to the children thus far?

No? Then nope, she can't restrict him from seeing his children. You can't do anything in this situation... ever.

[fashionman0228]

He didpose a danger before with the physical violence against my girl friend and the kids being in the middle of it all. There was an order of protection against him that the courts granted that had a stipulation of him not being able to have contact with the kids, but she ended up dropping it over sometime because she felt bad about him not being able to see him. She now realizes that is was the worse move she ever did but I don't know whether having that order in the past will help now... This order was dropped about 2 months ago.. Also, how is he taking the drugs not posing a threat the kids?What is your take on it? Thanks again

[CourtClerk]

So she dropped the order of protection, so I guess she figured that her children weren't in that much danger. It doesn't matter that she had the order of protection because guess what??? She didn't think she needed it and she didn't think the kids needed it -- so she had it dropped. Can't be an issue now.

Oh, and there are several instances where children's services has seen a drug addict and said that their drug use does not automatically make them an unfit parent. Has he RECENTLY endangered the children? I guess the answer to that is no.

[las365]

How long have you been involved with this married woman, and how is it that you feel you are supposed to involve yourself in visitation issues between her, her husband, and their children?

Having said that,

Also, the reason why she hasn't really had much of a problem with allowing them to spend time with thier dad is because he went through a drug and parenting program and thought that he was staying clean.

Were these programs court-ordered?

However, due to some recent discoveries we have proof that he is heavily using cocain, heroin, methadone, oxycodone, and we are now very scared to allow him time with the kids.

What proof does she have? Does she have proof that he is using when he has the kids? If she is going to accuse him of this, she better really have proof.

[fashionman0228]

Originally Posted by las365

How long have you been involved with this married woman, and how is it that you feel you are supposed to involve yourself in visitation issues between her, her husband, and their children?

Having said that,
Were these programs court-ordered?

What proof does she have? Does she have proof that he is using when he has the kids? If she is going to accuse him of this, she better really have proof.

Is this attack me night....? I am sorry if I am coming out a little defensive but I came on here looking for some information, and I feel as if you are attacking me here. However long I have been involved with my girlfriend has nothing to do with my post nor does it play a significant impact on the situation at hand. Secondly, if I or anyone has a partner as a caring partner we try to support our partners. I don't have a say in what it is that she is looking to get accomplish.. I think she is a big girl and doesnt need me to make those decisions for her. And of course... programs and order of protections are ordered by a court... And what do you mean she must really have proof...? Is piss sample, hair folicle tests and finger prints on drug items enough proof for you... especially coming on from the days he has the kids... Please dont attack rather than try to help.. but if this is not enough proof for you then I dont know what is... but on to the issue at hand... if anyone has any positive information it will be greatly appreciated...

[fashionman0228]

Originally Posted by CourtClerk

So she dropped the order of protection, so I guess she figured that her children weren't in that much danger. It doesn't matter that she had the order of protection because guess what??? She didn't think she needed it and she didn't think the kids needed it -- so she had it dropped. Can't be an issue now.

Oh, and there are several instances where children's services has seen a drug addict and said that their drug use does not automatically make them an unfit parent. Has he RECENTLY endangered the children? I guess the answer to that is no.

Thanks for your insight. However, is him using drugs on the days he has the kids not considered a threat?

[las365]

I'm not attacking you, but you should be aware that the people who post here tend to be very blunt. The reason I asked about your relationship is that you continuously used "we" and "us," as in

in the meantime we just want to neglect him visitation and seem as if we are trying to deny him the kids out of spite

(I understand you mis-spoke and don't want to seem that way). But the fact is that you have no standing to do anything.

In addition, I asked because it puzzles me that so many people seem eager to take on other people's battles and get involved in relationships with people who are still married to someone else. Did it ever occur to her that the children's father might raise a concern about their mother's relationship with you while she is married to him?

[fashionman0228]

Originally Posted by las365

I'm not attacking you, but you should be aware that the people who post here tend to be very blunt. The reason I asked about your relationship is that you continuously used "we" and "us," as in (I understand you mis-spoke and don't want to seem that way). But the fact is that you have no standing to do anything.

In addition, I asked because it puzzles me that so many people seem eager to take on other people's battles and get involved in relationships with people who are still married to someone else. Did it ever occur to her that the children's father might raise a concern about their mother's relationship with you while she is married to him?

He doesn't really care much about her or the kids... He is too much into trying to party and sleep with anything that has 2 legs... There are facts that prove that he has had an affair and has cheated many of times and is currently with 2 women. The only reason why he is even fighting is because his mom knows that he is in a position to lose the kids but she is one that acts as if the kids belong to her and want the kids for herself; his mom is having a custody battle through him and forcing him to take the kids when ever he gets them so it seems good on his part. He begs his mom to come stay with him while the kids are there so he is not obligated to take care of the kids and so he can focus on his bad habit... Sorry for coming off so abruptly before..

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? Florida

Hello,

My girlfriend is in the middle of a divorse that is taking forever to finalize

So she is committing adultery.

and we are going through a situation that we are hoping someone can shed some light on.

WE are not doing anything. This is her divorce and her legal situation.

Although her soon to be ex-husband has always been verbally and physically abusive, and a drug user she has not discouraged the 2 young girls from seeing thier father for as the courts see it "both parents should encourage the children to interact and spend time with the other parent."

Really? Her STBX has ALWAYS been? How do you know this? Let me guess -- she has told you.

Also, the reason why she hasn't really had much of a problem with allowing them to spend time with thier dad is because he went through a drug and parenting program and thought that he was staying clean.

That is nice. And? He has equal rights to be with the children.

However, due to some recent discoveries we have proof that he is heavily using cocain, heroin, methadone, oxycodone, and we are now very scared to allow him time with the kids.

There is NO we in this situation. NONE. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero.

From our research

Oh really?

these medications along with the drugs alter mood swings, people have impulsive reactions and it also becomes a danger having him on these drugs and driving the kids around.

In YOUR opinion. What is your educational background? Have you ever treated him? I already know the answer to that because if so then you have no ethics. Which means your word means nothing.

Another thing that makes us worried is that he is also a manic depressant.

He could have a diagnosis of bi-polar disorder. A depressant is a medication. How long has he been diagnosed with this?

I would like to know if there is any legal way to prevent him time alone or sleepovers with the kids until a final judgement is made in court.

YOU can do nothing. Is there a temporary court order?

Mediation is not until mid february so we are looking at maybe another 3 - 4 months before this is all over

WE are not looking at anything. STAY OUT OF IT.

but in the meantime we just want to neglect him visitation and seem as if we are trying to deny him the kids out of spite but we are just looking for the kids best interest and safety.

Your over-involvement can deny your adulterous girlfriend her children. You are aware of that correct?

If someone can give me some answers I will greatly appreciate it for we are also in fear that once he learns that we are trying to stall on his time that he might try to withdraw one of the kids early from school and try to keep her...

These children are his. Without court orders to the contrary he can do that.

[Ohiogal]

He didpose a danger before with the physical violence against my girl friend and the kids being in the middle of it all. There was an order of protection against him that the courts granted that had a stipulation of him not being able to have contact with the kids, but she ended up dropping it over sometime because she felt bad about him not being able to see him.

So she has no credibility on the fact that he poses a danger to the children. Either that or she wants to lose the children for purposely endangering them. Which one is it? He doesn't pose a danger or your girlfriend is bordering on being criminally negligent?

She now realizes that is was the worse move she ever did but I don't know whether having that order in the past will help now...

Nope. Not at all. She had it dropped. She doesn't seem him as a danger. She just likes to play games with the legal system in order to gain leverage.

This order was dropped about 2 months ago.. Also, how is he taking the drugs not posing a threat the kids?What is your take on it?

My take on it is that you are overinvolved, your girlfriend better have an attorney, and if her husband has an attorney -- she is mincemeat.

[Ohiogal]

Is this attack me night....?

Nope. This is answering your questions a lot nicer than a court will deal with them.

I am sorry if I am coming out a little defensive but I came on here looking for some information, and I feel as if you are attacking me here.

Oh well.

However long I have been involved with my girlfriend has nothing to do with my post nor does it play a significant impact on the situation at hand.

Actually HOW involved with her and the children you are does play a significant role and very much has impact on the situation.

Secondly, if I or anyone has a partner as a caring partner we try to support our partners.

Do so quietly in the background and keep your mouth shut. DO NOT interfere with this situation. Whoops, too late.

I don't have a say in what it is that she is looking to get accomplish.. I think she is a big girl and doesnt need me to make those decisions for her. And of course... programs and order of protections are ordered by a court...

And yet she had no problem having it dropped by a court. She is a game player.

And what do you mean she must really have proof...? Is piss sample, hair folicle tests and finger prints on drug items enough proof for you... especially coming on from the days he has the kids...

Really? She has these results? Or she thinks that the court will order drop tests, hair follicle and finger prints? Yeah right. Finger prints? Are you smoking crack? Good grief. You have no clue. NONE.

Please dont attack rather than try to help..

Don't tell us what to do. You have no right to demand how we answer, what we answer or the tone we type.

but if this is not enough proof for you then I dont know what is... but on to the issue at hand... if anyone has any positive information it will be greatly appreciated...

Oh I get it. You only want to know if it is positive regardless of the reality. Sorry. Nope. Law doesn't that work that way. Come back when you really want the truth. Oh wait, already gave that. Oh well.